A
male
age
36-40,
*oko
writes:I have been in a relationship with my gf for 4 and a half years now. She has gone back to her home country for 2 months and will be returning in February next year. The thing is that she's hurt by my actions and wants me to make it up to her to prove my love to her. Here is the situation:There is this girl in my school who spreads rumors about the people she doesn't like. My gf does not like my talking with her because she thinks something will end up happening between me and her. ( In general she does not trust me when it comes to other girls ) I don't care about that girl ( or any other girl for that matter because I don't want to screw up this long relationship ) and am not interested in doing anything with her. I sometimes bump into that girl in school and talk to her for formality because the last thing I want is that girl to spread rumors about me. That girl asks me to wait for her in school but I avoid meeting her and leave before she arrives. I send her a text msg or leave a voice mail to say I'm sorry and need to leave urgently and thus can't wait for her. But I never told my gf about those texts ( 2-3 of them in all ) and the voice mail ( 1 ) and she found out about it and now suspects me and does not believe the reasons I give for those texts / voice mail ( I told her the truth ). This situation has happened once before and in that case it was my ex-gf whom I had texted. She used to call me now and then but I never realized that my gf would be so hurt if I spoke with my ex ( In hindsight I know it was an extremely silly assumption ) But that again was for formality because I did not my ex to think bad about me. But in order to save my relationship I have broken all ties with my ex since then.She says that she's extremely hurt and does not trust me anymore. To make sure that we don't break up I have to do something to make her believe that I love her. A simple sorry or any monetary gift does not classify as making up. She wants to see some actions and not just words. On top of that, I need to do something from here in the US that will prove my love to her ( she's in her home country ). Sending flowers and a sorry card also does not classify. Please help me out as I really love her and don't want her to break up with me.
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flowers, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dasonras +, writes (30 December 2009):
I do not recommend you "flying out to see her." If she was your wife, then maybe. But face it, she is a girlfriend and girlfriends come and go.
I am still not clear how your "actions" could hurt your girlfriend to this extent. Either she is extremely insecure/jealous, or she is playing a game with you. The game may very well be that she is breaking up with. She might not know how to do it straight up, so she may be blowing your actions out of proportion in order to create justification for the breakup.
The bottom line is honesty. If you are honest and sincere, then that is the best you can do. If she does buy that, then the relationship isn't worth saving. Think about it for a second and remember, with a girl like her, if it isn't one thing it is another.
A
male
reader, poko +, writes (30 December 2009):
poko is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnfortunately I can't leave the country for sometime due to some visa issues. I too am an international student just like her.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (30 December 2009):
 Ok, I feel a bit devious saying this, but if you really love her, and are sure she really loves you, - Cry in front of her.
Yep, I am serious, (hide some onions in ya pocket or something if need be - tho U should not need to if what you feel is real) ... U can say you love someone till the cows come home and they are just words that get you no where, ... but no action says 'I love you' more than a guy so heartbroken not to be with you that it will bring tears to their eyes. Feelings have gotta be deep to let the macho man shit guard down right?
Not real mature if not genuine, ..but I dunno, I've had a few guys cry in front of me and it is like they are bungy jumping on your heart strings. Maybe I am just a sucker ..lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): i think the best way to show her you love her and to show you are serious could be flying to her home country to be with her b4 school starts im sure shed love that and really appreciate it hope it helped!
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