A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I have recently started a long distance relationship with a girl in America. And me being from the UK. We both love each other very much but we only get to see each other every few months. And we're both finding it hard but I'm willing to cope with it because I think in the long run it's worth it. But I don't think she is able to deal with it. She says she wants to be in a relationship with me, but it might be for the best if we weren't. So I don't know. I just need advice on how to make it work, and how I can reassure her. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): I've been with my other half for 3 years, like you, one's in the US, one's in the UK. I really understand how she's feeling.It may sound difficult to cope with the distance but communication really is the key here. There's been many times I thought I wouldn't cope...physical closeness is important and with the distance it doesn't help. It's definitely a good thing you guys get to see each other every few months! Ring each other, use skype, talk on msn/aim etc, email, video call, send pictures, send memorable gifts to each other as it shows each other you're thinking of them constantly, it gives you that sense of closeness you really need when physically isn't possible at that time.My other half always texts to my emails, so whenever he's out and about, he'll text me and tell me all about his day, what he's currently doing and he'll send me picture messages to show me. I can reply back from my hotmail and it gets sent directly to his mobile. It works for us because of the time differences and the fact I spend most of my time working on the laptop so get his texts real-time. We use this method as it doesn't cost a thing on either side, unlike international texting to phones which would cost the earth!We talk on aim almost every day, use videocall which is especially vital so we can see each other, see that smile we miss, hear that voice, see the joy in each others eyes.Giftwise we get each other something quirky and meaningful. For his graduation I simply sent him some ties that were wrapped in coloured tissue and giftboxed with a note saying "You'll need these now!" followed by another gift; a pillow covered in one of my treasured pillowcases and sprayed with my perfume that he loved. I left a note with it telling him I knew he always slept with one pillow on his bed and thought his pillow could do with some company. Oh he loves it, always sleeps holding it. Just simple, humourous, quirky and important things like that do so much to your relationship.Telling each other about your day, what you're eating, what you're watching on tv, what you're thinking, everything boring becomes interesting.Making sure you guys count down the days before you see each other instead of counting how long apart you guys will be. Playing games together, watching movies togethers especially!Knowing at the end of the day you guys can/will be together...Distance can't stop you guys because love really does overcome it. If you need any more advice or want to know more about how to international text via hotmail message me =]
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): I am in a long distance relationship too, so I will give you the advice I have! Mine has lasted now for 9 months and we've only seen each other 5 weeks in total so far! But we're still good and going strong, planning to move in together soon!
Where there is a will there is a way. Either she wants it, or she doesnt. She needs to decide what she wants, and theres not much you can do about that. Do you want her and are you willing to wait? Then tell her that, and hope she will say the same back.
Once you have decided to give this your best, not half heartedly, but really go for it and make it work, it will work. There are a number of things you can do to shorten the distance emotionally, chatting, calling on skype and with webcam. Taking pictures and sending them to each other, tell each other the little things about your day, even what you had for breakfast! All these little things helps it feel like you are not so far away from each other, and since you can't see each other so much, details about your life helps create an image. That way you will not feel the distance so much.
Also being intimate through cybering, or phone sex, or sending sexy pictures to each other helps. This is a relationship after all, you are a couple, not just friends, so only talk will feel too little too soon. There are also games online you can play together, msn, yahoo and skype have small games too so that you can play while talking. For example chess or hangman and other little games. Variation in the communication is important! Dont just talk every time. Dress up for each other like its a date when there is a special occasion and take pics or let her see on webcam.
A clue here is that you need to realize that you are with her, and not just alone at home in your living room. You wouldn't go out on a date with her wearing your slippers and messy hair, so don't fall into a trap of thinking thats okay when you talk to her online! Dress up like you would if you were to go out in public! You can also arrange with her and maybe some other close friends to have a small party, webcam up and sound on, and drink beers together! Believe me, it's fun!
There are a number of things you can do together even when apart! Watch tv-shows together, or online shows. Agree to do the same things on the same days (me and my boyfriend agreed to work out on the same days, so it's like we're doing it together).
I hope this helps and give you inspiration! Best of luck!
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