A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I unintentionally insulted a girl I liked.She told me how she struggled with school in the past. I tried to care for her and said "It must be difficult for you". She misinterpreted my meaning, got angry and thought I looked down on her intelligence. I know she got angry because she said she was smarter than me.I apologized to her 6 weeks after the insultI said "I want to tell you I am very sorry for what I have said to you on Xth of December and for making you unhappy."She said "What did you say that made me unhappy? I couldn't remember."Considering the situation I didn't remind her what I said exactly in December that insulted her and what happened that day.The next week I apologized to her again but again didn't remind her what happened on the day of the insult and what exactly I said.She said "I don't know what you said that made me unhappy. What did you say?"I said "I am worried I may have said something that offended you. Was there anything I ever said from December till now that may have made you unhappy?"She said "No. I don't remember what you said. Don't scare me. Otherwise I won't talk to you again."So I want her to know I want to take full responsibility for my mistake and said "I am worried I may have said something that made you unhappy. If I did, I want to say I am extremely sorry."She still talks to me but is less friendly and sometimes say things a little mean to me. She was more talkative before the accidental insult.Because of the little mean things she says to me, I don't know if she actually still remembers and is still angry with me.There are moments I feel maybe I should make another apology to her. But this time remind her "exactly" what I said on the day of the insult that made her angry and what "exactly" happened that day.But she already told me if I apologize again she will be scared and probably won't talk to me again.(1)What can I do to make things return to the things they were before the accidental insult?(2)What can I do to build a better relationship with her again? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2019): It is likely she does remember what you said, but she is now using it like a buffer; and a way to slowly punish you for it. If she is otherwise still talking to you, then she has decided that she can stay on civil terms; but doesn't wish to be any closer to you.
We look for red-flags or any clues about personalities in people we like to determine just how close we want to get to them. We also sometimes say things unintentionally that cut deeper than we realize; but apologies aren't always enough.
Take this into account also. Do you really want to get close to someone you feel you need to always walk on eggshells around? She also tends to say mean things to you; which could be totally unrelated to the incident in December. She may remember and she has dismissed it; but she is enjoying that she can make you squirm. Lighten-up a bit. You're getting a little intense because you want her to like you.
Either she will, or she won't. Just continue to be normal around her.
Be friendly, but don't try to get any closer. She has set-up a barrier, and will only let you get so close. She is done with your apologies. You can't take back what you've said; whether she remembers or not. It would make her feel dumb if you insist she misinterpreted what you said. So it's a no-win situation.
You will never figure women out. You just have to take the logical path, and remain polite and respectful. Chat when she seems friendly; otherwise, just chill.
I agree with her that it's scary when someone won't let something alone; if I have to repeatedly tell them I don't recall anything they did to offend me. If I forgot, and you didn't refresh my memory, it could be anything!
Let nature take its course. Don't do anything particularly out of your way to pressure her to like you. She will like you only to the degree she wants to.
If you want to date her; then come right-out and ask for a date. If you're beating around the bush; you're behaving strangely and she's just not up for it. You may be hovering and she doesn't know why? That can be a little annoying.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2019): Do you see how ridiculous you are being, and manufacturing drama where none should exist? When you insult someone, why would you wait six weeks to apologise to her? You say that you want to take full resposibility for what you said wrong, but you have not. You act like a child afraid to say what you had said to her that may have sounded insulting, and just explain that you did not mean it the way it may have sounded! Are you a man a child or a drama queen? As adults we must say what we mean, and mean what we say! If you truly cared for this lady, and valued her, you would not have waited six weeks to set her straight to say that you were sorry for your thoughtless words! Too little too late, my friend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2019):
 Leave her be. STOP apologizing over and over. Apologizing 6 WEEKS after you said something SHE interpreted as insulting is ..well a bit too late.
If she is now more standoffish, I'd stop trying to "fix" things and I would perhaps leave her be.
She has TOLD you to STOP apologizing and what she MEANT is STOP apologizing and STOP bringing it up CONSTANTLY, she is OVER the "drama" and doesn't want or need your apology. YOU are ONLY shooting yourself in the foot by keeping to apologize.
I don't think she is keen on you. And I don't think it was over a "one time slip of the tongue mistake".
If you pull back a little and SHE IS interested... she will pick up the slack. IF she doesn't... well, then you KNOW to move on.
You CAN'T MAKE someone interested IN you. ACCEPT and RESPECT that tidbit.
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