A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 3 years ago, I went off to college and knowing nobody, I was pretty bummed out a lot since I'm not really a social butterfly. Then I met one of my best friends. As soon as we talked the first time, I knew we were meant to be more than friends. For me, it was love at first sight. Over time, our friendship had its ups and downs, but we were always there for each other. A couple days ago, another friend of mine told me that she had a boyfriend. I was devastated, so I just wrote something on Facebook to just sort of vent my emotions. Well, she saw it and wanted to know what was wrong with me, I wanted to tell her, but something in my head told me not to. A week passed, and she kept hassling me to tell her, so I figured what the heck, and I did. Let's just say it was very awkward and resulted in a broken heart and the possibility of a lost friendship. I have only cried 4 times in the past 10 years, twice when my grandmothers died, once when I didn't make the varsity basketball team, and then when this happened. I still want to be her friend, but Ive always felt that we belong together, and it hurts to know that she doesn't feel that. I just want to know if there's any hope that we could ever be together? If not, how can I make things less awkward in out friendship?
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male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (18 January 2012):
Well its clear that to her your relationship doesn't exceed friendship. She has a boyfriend now, and if you DO want to still be her friend, you need to accept that and support her. If you were only friends with her because you wanted a shot at her, then you probably shouldn't be friends as long as she's dating someone else as it will only upset you more.
Also, if it was love at first sight as you claim, why haven't you made a move in three years? It seems as though you've been torturing yourself all this time by not pursuing her, even though you've had feelings for her.
As far as the Facebook thing goes, I always advise that you keep your emotions away from Facebook. It only leads to public humiliation and messy situations that are hard to interpret and lost in translation. If you're ever upset or emotional, avoid Facebook/Twitter like the plague. You'll thank me later when you still have your dignity.
I'm sorry to hear that this girl got away, but she has a boyfriend now. As I said, if you do really want to be her friend (and nothing more) accept that she's happy and be excited for her. If you're holding onto a chance that you'll become something more than friends, then now is the time to take some space from her as you'll only be complicating things for her and further depressing yourself. I'm truly sorry. Some things just aren't meant to be, and you're better off moving on!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 I still don't understand why most people want to delude themseves thinking that they can be friends with someone.. whom in fact they are in love with. They can't- and they lie, because is not " friendship " they want. They want the chance to CHANGE the friendship into romance by sheer persistence, or at least the sad satisfaction to feed their romantic fantasies with the sight and proximity of their LOVE object.
I think in this cases the wisest thing to do would be to detach yourself from the so-called friendship until you have moved on , or at least until the heart break is not so recent and burning and strong feelings have started fading. In other words, keep busy, do your own thing, and " freeze " the friendship, if there is a real element of intellectual / emotional connection , and it's not all about butterflies in your stomach, it will be surely possible to resume the friendship at a later date. If she is an intelligent girl , she will understand that you need to keep your distance right now , and she will take it the right way. If she does not get it and questions you, - no shame in telling her the truth,- that you need to protect your own emotions right now.
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