A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I'm 41 years old. In 2013 lost my soulmate through suicide. Since then I've never met a good guy. They come with lies and I end up finding out that their in committed relationships thats when I just let go cause I just cannot share another woman's man. I'm stuck in a dead end job for the past 14 even though I've tried to upgrade myself academically but nothing seems to change. My family depends on me as there's no one who is working except me. My life life is just boring because there's nothing positive that is happening in it that makes me happy. I just wanna know what must I do to get out of this misery.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2021): I send my best wishes to you for your loss, but I think the person who said you invested too much in your partner is correct. Never make one person - or thing - the centre of your universe. Not only can you choose the wrong person or thing and have it backfire on you but when they disappear it causes too much pain. Of course, it also depends so much on individual circumstances. I have a friend who invests much in her partner, you could say this is silly, but they are very happy together, have been for years, she is disabled and housebound so she has no chance of finding other people, people can easily say you should do this or that but it is not always possible or practical and the person, if bright, would have thought of it for themselves.
As for faith helping, it helps some and not others. You can have a tremendous amount of faith and it can lift you, but you don't need to alter your life for it. Some pray a lot, some read the bible, some think about it, no need to give up your job or change your job so that you can do voluntary work too, and I've often noticed that those who turn to the church are down and outs or those who have no friends or life, rather than those who are religious, they would go anywhere that is local or where it is free to turn up. This does not make them religious or nice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2021): You have been through so much don't beat yourself up about it you are going through the darkest times. Nothing can replace your soulmate it's so painful what you are going through. I would say hang on things will change in time. It is hard to deal with what you are going through. Be proud of yourself for working and trying in life. Maybe talk to your family how they can help with the pressure. Book yourself a weekend away or spa day to relax something that will make you feel good even if it's for the moment. Take dating slowly as good men are hard to find. Please never give up. Stay strong. I feel the same myself but I just take one day at a time until I'm ready.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2021): I'm sorry about your loss. Cancer took my partner of 28 years.
You're still grieving. You've turned sour on life; and you don't appreciate anything anymore, because you're resentful and angry at your mate for abandoning you. It all seems senseless. You probably feel he left you helpless, and unable to understand...why?
You should seek some bereavement counseling. You have to let-go and say good-bye. Life can be good without him. I had to learn after being celibate and refusing to allow myself to make deep connections with people for almost two years after my partner passed-away. My grief was prolonged, because my sister died shortly afterwards of Hodgkin's Disease. I'm a Christian; so I turned to faith. I prayed a lot, and my family prays for me. I had the support of my friends and family; and I fought with all my might to be free of depression and sadness.
Don't look for your deceased-partner's double, or a replacement. He was unique, and what you had with him was based on who he was; and who you were, once upon a time. You want to give-up; so you're finding fault with everything. You hate your job, everybody's rotten, and you're miserable. That's why you should never make another person the center of your universe, or allow yourself to depend on human beings. They have faults and weaknesses, and they are mortal. You've pent-up your love and bottled-up your feelings; so, yeah, life is miserable. Doesn't have to be.
Counseling will get you out of your funk. I'd suggest also reaching for something to heal you from the inside-out. I returned to my faith, and trusted in God. I help other people, and volunteer my time; rather than feeling sorry for myself. Others will offer you other suggestions; but your spirit also needs nourishment. If you're a nonbeliever, and finds things about faith silly; then you can simply ignore that advice. If you believe in God, don't knock it.
Your life was far too invested in your partner. You lost your identity in him; and you didn't save a little love for yourself. My faith helped me tremendously. I didn't have to seek counseling; because for me, that's all I needed.
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