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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Instead of cutting straight to my question, I am about to explain the background of my situation because I feel that it is unique and should be fully understood if I am to consider advice. If you are going to give me an answer, please do not skim what I write; read it in its entirety. Thank you!I have dated a girl for two and a half years. My parents force me to get straight A’s in high school, and I have become extremely busy this year. I do not have my license yet, and we had to rely on public transportation to see each other, but that grew increasingly difficult as I became busier. She felt neglected, and regretfully broke up with me, stating that maybe when I get my license in a few weeks we could talk about getting back together. Still, I was hurt by the break-up, and I told her I wanted to distance myself from her for a little while - not cut to cut contact completely, but to put distance between us because seeing her hurt me so much.She has grown very close to my best friend over the past few months, because she is able to see him so often. He lives very close to her, and is not busy with school (he never has homework, unlike me - he's a senior; I'm a junior with AP classes). Coincidentally, their school schedules work out so that they are able to hang out with each other every day. I am able to see her too, but not as often.They both admitted to liking each other after my break-up started a relationship. Feeling hurt, I let her know that I felt like I was forgotten in an instant and that she should have waited before going out with him. The two of them felt extremely guilty for hurting me, and she was willing to cut contact with my friend completely to preserve my friendship with him. However, I told her I didn't want to ruin her friendship with him either.I explained to her that I realize now that I should have been more willing to compromise with her regarding meeting her halfway, going out with her, etc. and that I should have listened to her talk about her problems more despite being busy. This seems to be exactly what she wanted to hear, and the next day she was very affectionate with me, hugging me around the waist, kissing me on the cheek. “It’s okay, I’m single now!” She even sculpted a heart for me in her art class and presented it to me as a gift.Later that day I kissed her impulsively, without thinking, and I backed away as if I had made a mistake. Instead of being upset with me, she reached forward and kissed me back. I can see she still loves me and wants to be with me. The one thing she says she is worried about is that the problems may return as soon as we start dating. It is good that I will have my license and will be able to drive to see her, but we both understand that other problems will resurface once we get back together. Personally, I am ready to face them.After the day I kissed her, we decided we should take things more slowly. She does not want to give me false hope in case we do not get back together, so we toned down the affection (although we still hug and kiss each other on the cheek). She, my friend, and I all spoke to each other regarding this situation, and we came to the conclusion that we should wait and see who she decides she wants. My friend and I are not interested in competing with each other over her, and that we don't want to jeopardize our friendship either.Currently we are all on good terms with each other for the first time in a week, and we are able to hang out together without feeling awkward. I am pleased with this, but I really want her back as a girlfriend. She says she is confused, that she has feelings for both of us and needs time to decide. I want to know how I can win her back.I know what she feels for me is stronger than what she feels for my friend. In fact, she told me she likes my personality more than my friend’s personality, and that we both have more in common. She just does not want to be hurt again (or hurt me). Still, I can see she is interested in my friend, too. Sometimes when the three of us are together she is less affectionate around me than usual. I am not sure if this is out of courtesy to him or if it is because she does not want him to think she is still interested in me. Could this be because she is growing less interested in me? Sometimes she seems crazy about me, particularly when we are alone, but when the three of us are together she doesn’t show it as much. She gives him a lot of attention instead. I understand that it may be too early to fully analyze this, however. I don’t want to jump to conclusions.I have thought our situation over carefully and have decided that I want her back. I believe we can work things out if we try. What is the best way that I can do this? I don’t want to hurt anybody, but I still love her and want her to give our relationship another chance.I apologize if I have written too much, but as I stated above I believe that in order to receive a good answer one must understand my situation fully. I appreciate any insight from you all. I have browsed this site occasionally over the past two years, and dearcupid appears to be a good community with intelligent and compassionate people. I will take any advice into consideration. Thank you for your time.
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female
reader, Audrina  +, writes (29 April 2009):
I know this sounds cliche and probably sound like a parent, but just have fun in high school and concentrate on your classes and studying rather than putting time and energy into a relationship.
It is likely she is just playing u and ur friend and likes the attention she gets from u and him. Lets be realistic here, if she really loved you and cared for you she wouldn't have got with ur best friend. At this stage in your life relationships with girls should be easy not hard, have fun with ur life and wait until u finish college and have a great job/life to start having a really serious relationships!
A
female
reader, niki20  +, writes (29 April 2009):
 hi, you seem highly intelligent, that was a lot to read but i understand why you needed to. i think she is showing him more of affection b/c wjat if they are more closer to dating then ypu think. my personal opinon is that she seems to be getting a little to far over her head. maybe you should just tell her how you feel and that if you have to compete you will but you dont want to but she is worth it. maybe it is time gor you take a break w/ the datong scene, you might not want to but in your lifestyle you seem to be very active, if you do date you might not be able to see her as girls are very needy and it sounds like your parents ride you for great rides. (it sucks now but you will thank them.) maybe you should talk to your friend, its not fair that he is doing this to you either. hes suppose to be there to support you through break ups and not be your exs rebound guy. thats what i think, i hope it helps i truely do. i am sorry for this long answer. or maybe talk to her & ask her why she is acting like this
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