A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:My bf of 3 months and I rarely have sex. Maybe 2 to 3 times a week, which would be normal if we were together for years but we just started. I've tried to start stuff and talked to him about it. And everytime I talk about it and he becomes defensive and doesnt acknoledge my concern. He says his too tired during the week because of work, but a quickie doesnt take too much time or effort. Plus its not like he does all the work. Sometimes we even start, and then he says he has to stop because it isnt hard. How can that even be possible if was a few mins ago and were doing it. Does he not find me sexually attractive? I am really worried, because this has never happened to me before and I don't get it. He's 26 and im 22. I know having sex everyday is tiring and not for everyone but at least every other day or 4 times a week.Please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2015):
 Hi Midsummer, I have to admit to having laughed just a wee little bit when you said "my bf of 3 months and I rarely have sex. Maybe 2 to 3 times a week, which would be normal if we were together for years but we just started" For many people 2-3 times a week would qualify as ample and not as rare. I'm sure there will be many aunts here who would be thrilled with 2-3 times a week and would quantify that as 'frequent.'
So it's all in the expectations.
He finds you sexually attractive enough to have sex 2-3 times a week. One could argue that 3 times a week is every other day with one day off to rest.
Cut the guy some slack and let him recover. Yes, you are 22 but he is now 26 and perhaps has other things on his mind that keep him from being able to drop everything and go at it like a rabbit.
Find other outlets for your sexual energy, like masturbation and give the guy a chance to recover, to relax and to want you again.
Not everyone is built to have sex every single day. If you are insistent that you have to have sex every single day then you will need to find another partner.
If you want things to work out between you and your boyfriend, give him a chance to recover after sex. Find an outlet for your sexual energy and don't pressure him to have sex when he's just not interested.
In the meantime, do let him know you appreciate him and like him just as he is. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): That sounds pretty exhausting to me. I'm normally too knackered in the week after work! I think 2-3 times a week is probably plenty for most people.
I'm not sure I can offer you much of a solution - except if he's not in the mood maybe you could get some 'toys' to play with ...
I think if you pester him for sex all the time there is a risk you will scare him off. Sometimes I tease my boyfriend for being a bit of a sex pest because he wants sex more often than me. I just give him blowjobs when I'm not in the mood and that seems to please him. Maybe he could give you oral sex if he's not really in the mood...
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