A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I know this is really long, and I'm sorry. I need to tell the whole story because I'm lost right now. I hope you take the time to read it and give me some help.I don't know what to do. I was dating this boy for a while and then because we kept fighting, we broke up in November. I needed space. He was just too clingy, but I did really like him. I actually thought I loved him. He gave me some space after our break and it was great. I started to miss him and then we bumped into each other. It was nice. We talked casually, and he gave me a big hug at the end of our conversation. It felt good to be in his arms again and I slipped up and kissed him. I was thinking about possibly getting back together with him, but then things just went down hill. After I kissed him he started calling and texting me a lot again. This was the stuff that drove me away before. It's like he thought we were back together all of a sudden. He seemed to "bump into" me more often all of a sudden and each time he tried to hug and kiss me. I didn't know how to react so I would give him a little kiss back. By the way, we're not together anymore.Anyway, there was this party, and that's where everything just went horribly wrong. I was there with some friends having a good time. My ex was supposed to come but he got mad over something and said he wasn't coming. That was actually a relief because I needed some space still. Then, who showed up? That's right, my ex. He came in and mingled and I found myself thinking things would be alright. He tried to talk to me about us, but being at a party I wanted to save such a conversation for when we were in private. I just wanted to relax and have a good time. This pissed him off. He stormed out of the party and went out side. My friend came over and asked what was up and I just said nothing. Then he said he was going to deal with it. I told him not to, and to just stay out of it but he went out to talk to my ex.I don't know exactly what he said to my ex, but my ex just blew up at him. He was yelling and making a scene. I was so embarrassed I could die! Everyone was wondering what was going on and they were expecting a fight. My friend came back in after and just went to get a drink. He was shaking his head and I could tell it wasn't good. Then I got a text from my ex demanding I come outside. I just wanted the whole thing to be over so I went out to talk to him. Big mistake! He starts in on me about texting things to a boy about him and I'm wondering how he even would know about those texts. It just makes me mad but I bottle it up in hopes that once he gets done with this he'll just go home and I can try to salvage my night. So he vents to me and I just kept thinking and saying, "can we do this tomorrow? This is supposed to be a party. I just want to have a good time." He wasn't listening to me, as usual, but he finally calmed down. Then he gives me a hug! I can't believe it. After everything he's put me through tonight how can he think I want to touch him? Then he tried to kiss me!!! I turned away and he seemed pissed still but the thought of it just made me sick. We went back inside and things kind of were back to normal. He was off talking to others and I was relieved to not be the center of attention for a little while. I mean, I'm already self conscious, but this just made me want to disappear into a corner. Anyway, some of my friends and I were starting to have fun again and we started dancing. He noticed and came over to start dancing with me. How does he not get it? I just stood there, barely moving but too afraid of what he might do if I didn't dance with him. He has a bad temper, and with what he was doing earlier I was really afraid he might hit me or someone else. Well, this wasn't ok with him. He yelled something about trying so hard and then pushed me out of his way when he stormed out of the party again! I was shocked and in disbelief. My friends all rushed over to make sure I was alright, and I just wanted to die. How could I have been so wrong about him? Am I stupid for ever loving him? I feel like an idiot! There I was, the center of attention, AGAIN... Ugh. Everyone in the room had been asking me questions while he was outside. My friends were all by me and comforting me. Then he came back in and sat down by us. People were intently watching our every move. I felt like we were on display. It was so awkward! Then, my guy friend who was sitting in between us left to get a drink and the ex slithered over closer to me. Then he grabs my hand! I wanted to vomit and I lost it! I yelled at him about pushing me and asked why he would do that! Then I realized I'd reached my limit. I just said, "you know what, I can't talk to you anymore. This needs to wait until tomorrow." You know what he said? "It CAN'T wait. I've been waiting for three weeks!" I'm thinking, "Waiting for what? We're broken up!!! Please get that and go away..." Then one of the guys watching comes over to ask if I'm ok. It was so obvious I wasn't. My ex gets in his face and says something. Why is he picking another fight?!? At this point his friend drags him away and I lose it. I break down crying and my friends are trying to comfort me again. Then that jerk comes back again. At this point it's blah blah blah please stop talking. I noticed he was leaving to I tried to shield myself with my friends. Then he sneaks up behind me and hugs me. I freeze. I can't even describe how repulsed I was. My friend told him to get lost and he whispers in my ear that he loves me. Can you believe that? He loves me. :( I have my friends take me home because I'm scared to go alone. They get me home and I barely manage to get past my mum before I break down again. I ran to my room and just cried. I cried myself to sleep. What a horrible night. How could I have been so dumb? “At least it's over,” I thought to myself the next morning. Then he showed up at my door. He sings me a song and apologizes. Too little too late bud. We talked and I just wanted him to leave, but at least it's done. Well, hopefully. What should I do if he contacts me again? Should I hear him out? I am afraid that he will come back again. He texts me all the time and I just feel like after all of this he still doesn't get it. How can I make him go away? I just want him to leave me alone! Thank you cupids! I hope you can help me. :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): OP here.
To the anon: Nothing had happened. After I broke up with him for being too clingy he respected my wishes and I started to miss him. That's why I was ok with kissing again when we bumped into each other that first time. I didn't realize what that would unleash though!
Thanks to everyone who responded. I'm not going to contact him again. I can't after what he did. Thanks again!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): What else had gone on previously for this to happen, you said you had been thinking for 3 weeks, did anything happen then?
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A
female
reader, MsClara  +, writes (8 December 2010):
I agree with what others have said here. Don't respond to this guy, in any way. You don't want to be with him, and it's better for both of you if you cease contact altogether. Other than that it's like adding fuel to the fire. He obviously doesn't understand that it's over. If you continues to follow you around, and you "bump into him" randomly, then cross the road, don't engage him. He has to move on.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 December 2010):
 There are many laws to protect people in the UK against harassment and stalking. Next time he texts you, reply saying 'please do not contact me again. If you do, I will report you to the police'. If he continues to contact you, follow through and contact the police. Take your mother with you and file a complaint against him. Take your mobile with you to show them his messages. You can also contact your mobile phone provider and ask for him calls/ texts to be blocked on your telephone. It is an offence to make threats of any kind over a phone network. His temper is a very bad sign about his potential for violence in the future. Be thankful that you are not dating him anymore. By reporting him, you are actually doing him a favour. He needs professional help to deal with his emotional and behavioural issues. If he doesn't then he will get into more serious trouble in later life and he end up harming someone. Don't lead him on at all or talk to him again. If he comes to your home, tell your parents to get rid of him for you. If he refuses to leave, contact the police. They are there to deal with these sorts of issues.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Inform that he is to have no contact at all with you. Discontinue all contact with him. When you start missing him, do not contact him. If he persists, file legal proceedings against him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This boy is BAD NEWS. He is very obessive and controlling. You really need to be very straight with him then, no contact.Do not reply to texts or calls. If you bump into him, do not engage in conversation. If he turns up at your house get one of your parents to spell it out to him. He will get the message but it may take a while as he isn't the type to take a hint. You must be firm about this, as boys like him can do crazy things when they are as obsessed as he is. He is making your life a misery so be strong, and do point all this out to your parents so they can support you.
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A
male
reader, Jake11 +, writes (8 December 2010):
Honestly if I was you I would just forget about him he's obviously an idiot just think how bad he made u feel that night every time he ttys to get back with you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): You text him one time back tell him not to contact you anymore as you don't want him in your life. Then block him on all your social networks and never respond to another text or phone call ever again.
While you keep responding he'll always think there's a chance so just stop. If he keeps harassing you after that get your parents involved to tell him to stop and talk to his parents about it.
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