A
female
age
36-40,
*onely girl 4556
writes:How do i make her understand my problem? help ......?hi,im going to get married next year and the wedding date is fixed after talks with my and my bf's parents.im doing a day job and he is doing a night job.my parents are BUYING me a house near my home. it is near the city and i can go to work in 45min by bus.when he ll be out on work, my mother and brother will come and stay with mebut my mother in law insists that we must live in a RENTED house near their home.from there it ll take one and half hours for me to go to work.and only his mother will be there with me when he goes to work.she is not a very healthy person.but she says she can look after my safety(i mean the thieves and all those things). and we will have to pay rent. i said ok we ll be on rent but i cant go to work coz of the time it takes to go to work from there.(please not that its one and half hours, standing in a packed bus) she insists that i must work. my bf was ok earlier about living near my parents home.but now he also says we should live near his home. what do i do about this? and, she demands that i give her written promises agreeing to live there, going to the job etc. she says she wont let the marriage happen if i don't agree to her " conditions" help please ! :( she is black mailing him by saying she will forget him if he comes and stays near my parents homewhen i try to explain that i will have to spend a lot of time on roads, we will have to pay big money as rent, she says im a bad child who isn't brought up in a good way and im trying to have my own way with everything :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009):
Sounds very odd to me....you may be writing promises but this is SICK and i would think very carfully. CONTROL OR FREEDOM which life do you want?
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Can you draw a list of pros and cons on each option? (a) rent a house near her, (b) buy a house half way between her place and the place that your parents are buying, and (c) buying a house your parents paying for. In the list, also include safety/security aspects in the neighborhood. If she is not healthy anymore, there is the concern that even if she would like to, she may not be the right person to look after your house and chase thieves and burglars away from your [rented] house.
Do you live in SriLanka? As Emilysanswers said, she is probably afraid of living alone after his son marries you. Is your husband-to-be his only child? Or only son? (Hence the "blackmail")
Would she object to the idea of moving to your area, if your husband paid rent for a small house there? That way, she can easily visit you without you feeling "invaded" by her. And if/when she is ill, you and your husband can easily check on her too, to make sure she is okay, from time to time.
Good luck.
Cat
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 March 2009):
If she is ill then she is probably scared of being left alone with no one near by.
Why not suggest that she moves to near where you are going to live in the city?
Tell her that you will not be threatened and the fact she is capable of this blackmail is giving you doubts about her son. Be tough. Tell her that you love her and want her close but you ARE moving into the house your parents buy you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Oh the in-law situation, you can never make both sets of parents, you need to talk with your fiancé and explain all your worries to him, and tell him you don't want to upset his mother, but you need to find a compromise. Could your parents buy you a place somewhere in the middle, so you can easily see both sets of parents and get to work easily?
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