A
female
age
36-40,
*isha_1087
writes:I have a pretty complicated situation and would love some input.Ill try to make it quick. My boyfriend and i have been seeing each other off and on for about 9 months. When i met him he had just filed for divorce and raising his 3 boys. He is a good christian guy. He is 10 yrs older than i am. We decided to take it slow to see where it would go cuz he had alot going on, his ex had the kids stripped from him and told a bunch of lies about him to the court. He is a GREAT dad and i have been there for support. In the start of things it was working out we had our ups and downs, my cousin is dating his cousin. thats how we met. my cousin set us up but then quickly changed her mind and tryed to get me to stay away from him. after she had caused a bunch of problems we decided to just be friends cuz he didnt want a gf anyways. it was hard but i understood. so then i come to find out he is dating another one of his cousins friends! i was upset but got over it. Once she cheated on him and they broke up he started texting me and when we saw each other after a month of not seeing each other, i tried my best not to but fell right back. My cousin and her boyfriend tried there very best to tell me not to go back with him i didnt listen. Meanwhile my bestfriend had been observing all that had went on and told me to let it go cuz hes bad. Well i didnt listen to her neither. Things were going good again, i was with him almost everynight we got a puppy together i thought it was all dandy. WRONG.Now this problem we had he blames on me. I came in contact with an old friend who needed help. we were friends in the past but had our problems cuz she stole from me. She came over and they got along great.. a little to great. She also has a baby who he "adored". I got a crazy BADD idea and took her advice on maybe having a threesom.. we didnt we all just slept in the same bed. but she kept making comments on how we should share him. as the weeks went by they became buddy buddy. he invited her over when i lost my job saying he wanted to suprise me? i had told him prior that it is making me un comfterble with her around but he said that im overreacting and i have no right to make her feel un wanted in his home. so we all had dinner that night, me him my friend and his cousin and my cousin. things hit the fan! my cousin pointed out every move she made and how he acted around her. that night he said he needed space and to go home. i understood cuz we spent everynight together. i asked sarah (my friend) to take me home on her way home. he got mad saying taylor (his cousin) could and to not make her drive. she ended up taking me home and my cousin said she bet that sarah was going back up ther after she droppd me off. he called me when i got home to assure me things were ok and he needed time alone. I beileved him. My cousin not so much. So after stressing out and swearing i would not i drove up to his house and low and behold her car was there. i went straight to my friends house and balled my eyes out and swore to be done! he text me saying hed be busy all day but wed have dinner that night. i asked him if sarah got home safe just to see what hed say and he said yah she called him when she got home. RIGHT! so i took a deep breath and told him that there was no reason to lie to me, and i hope we can remain friends. he FLIPPED out saying he was going to tell me cuz she had to come back to get something for the baby and she was to tired to drive. of course i didnt beileve him. but i heard him out. he blamed the whole sarah situation on me cuz i brought her into his life. him and i decided to remain friends cuz it was too hard to be together with all the drama my cousin caused. but we never acted just like friends it always went back to how we were before. they continued to hang out behind my back and hed lie about it and id find out and hed turn in around on me.i was having problems where i was living and he told me i could come stay with him for a while, i ended up moving in with him. i didnt have a right to say i didnt want them talking. after a few fights he agreed to not talk to her anymore cuz it upset me. im sure she told him she was done tho. they might still be talking but who knows. so things got going really good for us again, we are actually together and things are going smooth. we fight about her everyonce in a while cuz he blames it ALL on me. my best friend dis owned me she said im stupid and she cant stand to see me hurt. he told me not to talk to her anymore she was just "using" me. i am in love with him and i want to forgive him, im happy for the most part.i take care of him clean, cook, iron his clothes. EVERYTHING. he said he wants us to work out and be a family when his boys come home. but alot of red flags always pop up. he still texts this one girl that he was going to date but says they are just friends. he cant go one day without telling me that someone hit on him. i know i sound like a fool for still loving him. but my real question is am i just overreacting about not trustin him at all now? should i let the past go? he has been there for me through some hard times and helped me out. but sometimes i think it was not worth it cuz i have no friends left, my best friend wont talk to me. my guy friends i cant hang out with. WHAT DO I DO! how do i let it all go and trust him?
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female
reader, misha_1087 +, writes (2 May 2008):
misha_1087 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for everyone that took the time to read and answer my question. I know its the harsh truth that i dont want to see. i guess i feel guilty cuz he took me in when i had no place to go.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Reading your story, I too can see many red flags and reasons not to extend trust. His blaming this on you, why would you remain with him. He's someone who does not take responsability for his own actions.
Lets say if I was married. My wife met a beautiful woman who's a nudist. Brings her home, then her "friend" strips and does everything in the nude. That may present a tempting situation. But if I acted on the temptation, that would be my fault, not her fault for bringing her home.
You're with someone who's blaming his actions on you. By doing so, he's saying he can do anything he wants as long as it's not his fault for doing so.
You're not responsible for his actions, but you are for your own. You say you're happy for the most part. So you're willing to accept less than what you deserve? It's for reasons like this that relationships suck, and theirs so much drama going on. You want to be in love. You deserve to be, but you're developing fiction around the reality that this person is taking part in activities that show disrespect and lask of love. Your taking care of him while he's playing. Do you see a problem in doing that?
Do you not think you deserve a guy who really treasures what you have. Who, when he goes to work, can't wait to get home to you. One who says "I won't be tempted by another woman, because who I'm with is perfection."
There are guys like that, but first you need to tell yourself you deserve to be treated the best, and stop settling for less than what you deserve.
Take care
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A
female
reader, rorowes +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Girlfriend let me tell you. He is just not that into you. He is using you for the easy thing, and when something comes along that he feel is better, he will repeat the same behavior. Never let your friend go for any guy. I did that before and will never do it again. Let go and move on to someone who can really love you. He knows that you're a good woman, and he will not let any other man benefit from that. What made his marriage fail? Think about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): Im sorry if this sounds harsh- but why would a good Christian guy be getting a divorce? God frowns upon divorce- if you didn't know. Also, why would a good Christian guy be sleeping with two women in the same bed??
Maybe he was tempted- but along with all the other mishaps- this guy sounds like a do-do bird! If I were you, I would realise my value as a human being and get as far away from that guy as I could! I'd tell him not to even dream of me or texting me and to GET a life!
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