A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have two guys in love with me, three who really like me, and five I "talk" to. I'm sleeping with ONE. No matter what I refuse to sleep around. But, here's the thing, I'm hurting the two who claim to love me. They're very nice, I consider them friends but both I dated for New York minutes and they're not over me...I'm nineteen. Never had a boy like me till 14 and then, it was long distance. We broke and now, there are so many guys around, I dont know what to do. I like the attention sometimes honestly, but I feel bad. Every time I attempt to make them hate me or leave them with decency, they cling harder. Why? Most all of them are different races from me, I have an early curfew ...I'm aloof but they all say they adore who I am. I hate hurting them, please no scoldings, I hate myself enough..how do I break with these men?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 July 2010):
Honesty is the best policy.
Tell the two guys you are stringing along that you have a BF and can not/will not be dating anyone else.
I have always had guy friends, but it was a RULE that I never dated/slept with any of them.
Don't flirt with a dude unless he is your BF.
It's good rules if you usually tend to have more guy friends then girl/women friends.
If you outwardly flirt with guys make then think you are available, you will end up wit ha reputation, you don't want to have. IT IS possible to hang out with guys without there being anything sexual/flirting going on. So as much as you enjoy you new "superpower" be aware of your actions and your words. They kind of need to match ;)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): As a man, I believe it is far more respectful for a woman to be honest and straightforward in communicating her feelings towards a man, or lack of feelings, if that is the case. About the two guys who have fallen in love with you, if you don’t like them back, cannot reciprocate their feelings or do not see yourself as being more than just friends, then they certainly ought to know this at the earliest. Personally, if I was in their situation, i would appreciate a woman telling me this in a very adult way and direct to the point, however painful it may be. They will feel rejected and hurt, but I believe that telling them now (asap) is certainly better than being misguided in believing that they have a chance to be anything more than friends with you. I imagine that you have not showed interest in being anything more than friends (i.e. sent “signals”). If so, they may not “get it” or perhaps they have ignored this notion in their minds and have chosen to pursue you anyways. Either way, I believe you have an obligation to tell them (specifically) how you feel about them and that you don’t want to be more than friends. You say that they are “very nice” and that you “consider them friends.” Did you ever tell them that you consider them friends that that they are not you type? My suggestion – be clear, direct, honest and specific in expressing your feelings of what kind of relationship you want with each of them. If you don’t know how to go about it, try saying: “(Name of guy) there is something I would like to tell you….” I think you said you dated the two guys. If so, then you can see how they may still believe that you would be willing to be in a relationship with either one of them in the future.If you want to do the noble thing in the future, then don’t give yourself permission to go on “liking the attention” because I think you are going to end up in more situations where you are going to end up hating yourself. I think you already know this, bit in case you don’t, some young guys/men are not adept at reading / interpreting a woman’s signals. I have seen women send mixed signals and/or inadvertently (without knowing it) lead a guy on to believe that he has a chance with her. Expect a guy to pursue a woman until it is clear to him that his efforts are in vain. And I think one can see why a woman who has not communicated what kind of relationship she expects and that the relationship stops at friendship when it is clear that they guy is pursuing her is partially at fault.Good luck in laying it out to your guy friends.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (15 July 2010):
 You break up with someone by telling him, repeating as many times as is required, that you are not interested in pursuing a relationship with him and that, if they persist in pressing their affections on you, you will be obliged to discontinue all contact with him. You are not obliged to give the grounds for saying so, but it would be a nice gesture if you could.
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A
female
reader, kittykhaos  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 honesty ... it hurts but its pure and it works.. My house mate is in love with me but i have a boyfriend who i love and he is also in love with me.. He knows this making it his problem, as i have never so much as shown more than a passing interest in his life. I also get a lot of attention when im out and about guys chat me up buy me drinks and ask me out but im always honest and say im not interested. If they have feelings for you its there problem if your straight up. It will hurt them a lot less in the long run.
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