A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am dating a guy I am not physically attracted to. We were friends for years but lost touch. Eventually we got back in touch recently and he asked me out. I said yes because he is a great guy-sweet, kind, caring, warm etc. I actually can not say bad things about him. So I decided to put aside looks and be open to being with someone that has so many more great attributes than just looks! And perhaps physical attraction grows over time too.Now here comes the stupid part where everyone would judge me. He has very fine tight curls with a very bad hair cut and not the best fashion sense. But recently he decided to straighten his hair and buy new clothes which suddenly changed his entire appearance. It was like a make over of sorts and I started to grow physically attracted him. But then of course, he does not generally maintain that level of care in his appearance every time I see him. I feel sometimes physically attracted to him and sometimes not when he goes back to normal. But I can not exactly tell him I want him to straighten his hair and dress a certain way whenever he knows he will see me.I know ppl are going to heavily criticise me for being shallow. But if I was shallow I would not be dating someone based on everything BUT their looks. And I can not help what I am attracted to phydically. It is not something I can control. Just do not know what to do anymore. He is amazing in every other way and never met a guy like him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 January 2015):
Anyone who criticizes you for wanting to be attracted to your bf is a total hypocrite. 99% of people will try and find someone they are attracted to. Basically the most attractive person that will have them without being do attractive that they have to worry about infidelity.
You on the other hand, are giving a Hoff guy a chance, which is more than most would do.
Anyways, don't tell him you think he looks bad when he doesn't do something, tell him he'd looks good/sexy/etc. The boat of confidence will encourage him to continue.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 January 2015):
 I agree with Chigirl too.
If the poor fella has to jump through ALL those hoops for you to "feel attracted", then HE isn't for you.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (23 January 2015):
What chigirl said, exactly.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 January 2015):
 "I am dating a guy I am not physically attracted to."
Say no more. End it. It will NEVER go anywhere, and he will NEVER be someone you are attracted to. You like what you like, simple as that. You can not chance your preference. Do him, and yourself, a favour and end this before it goes too far.
You CAN NOT make him more attractive to you when you initially are NOT attracted to him. It does not work that way.
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