| A
female
,
* A
writes: How do I let my boyfriend know, (without blowing up) that when he lies to me, I know better, and I don't believe him and I am not stupid, and for him not to treat me as if I am? Why can't he understand "honesty is the best policy"? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): Without knowing much of your relationship, I wonder if you are not seeing someone that is pathological and possibly has a mental health disorder. If chronic lying is a part of his daily dialogue, then you have to ask yourself, why you want to stay in it. Trust issues are already there. An emotional investment is always a part of the game with persons with Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissim, and Sociopathic personalities. You know the truth already, it is just a matter of dealing with what you will accept in your life. This is your life as well. You need to be healthy and in a healthy relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): i have the SAME problem...its like he thinks im stupid or something. i just tell him straight up...ya we do get into some arguments about it and he tries so hard to tell me he's telling the truth but i know....he knows....we both know and he ends up telling me the truth in the end. our relationship is rocky right now but....we are trying
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): They just can't help themselves. You have to be strong enough to not get bent out of shape and also be strong enough to kick him to the curve and not look back. If he keeps on lying - don't wimp out. BE STRONG and dump his butt. Trust me.....there are far too many men in the world to settle for this liar.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): I know exactly what you mean and I truly sympathise! My boyfriend lies about the most pathetic things, catching him out has become a passtime!! Why should it be like that?!
...............................
A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (7 August 2005):
 There seem to be three separate issues on the table, so let's address them in turn.
First, I think the best way to let your boyfriend to know you know he's not telling the truth is to do, in order, just what you said. Let's review:
BOYFRIEND: The capitol of Ghana is Tokyo, dammit!
YOU: (calmly) Now, come on. I know better; I'm not stupid, after all. And frankly (yawn) I'm getting a little tired of you treating me as if I am. I think this relationship stands a much better chance of advancing into next week if you start telling the truth more often--like, all the time, perhaps. Could you pass the salt, honey?
You see? So simple! So direct! If everyone could just talk this way to each other, there'd be no more problems anywhere! (Hold for uproarious laughter.)
Of course, the real problem—or problems, really—are the ones underlying your question. The "how do I do this...*without blowing up*" part of the equation (#2) and the "I can't open my mouth around my girlfriend without telling a big, fat lie" part (#3).
Why does he lie? Who knows. Maybe he's incapable of telling the truth. Maybe he's incapable of telling the truth with you. Maybe, for whatever unfathomable-to-you reason, honesty really isn't the best policy for him. In the end, it doesn't really matter, as long as it's a policy of importance to you that he's unwilling to adhere to.
So by all means, if you haven't been able to tell him calmly and clearly and directly that you have a problem with the lying—a big one...a dealbreaker-level one—please do. If you can't do it in the moment because you're so infuriated, stop the conversation, tell him you're going to need a moment/hour/day to calm down, and then CALMLY tell him the deal. Tell him you love lots of things about him (I'm assuming you do) but this one thing is not only driving you crazy, it's driving you away. Tell him you'll have the truth and nothing else.
Then, once you've talked the talk, be prepared to walk the walk. If you go back on your word, it will be meaningless, and the cycle will continue, to no one's benefit.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2005): Whenever he lies, even if it's as silly as what he had for lunch, start laughing and say "Your full of sh**". Hopefully you'll eventually realize that your statement is more true than his could ever be. You don't need anyone to directly lie to you, big or small. He needs to be held accountable for his lies. The fact that you're not addressing them is just as pathetic as him dishing them out. Stand up for yourself, and insist on honesty.
...............................
|
