A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I used to date this guy (james) who, at the time i thought was wonderful - he treated me with respect and cared for me. Then he cheated, so i dumped him. I'd liked this other guy (steve) for a while when i was with james, and so i made a move on him and now we're together. For a bit he wasn't what I thought he was and he was quite mean to me, but when i told him to stop it or I'd leave him he apologised and was genuinely sorry. However, before i told steve all of this I had been in touch with james and half-heartedly told him I wanted to get back with him which he seemed quite happy about. How do i let james down gently, what do I say? He seems more infatuated than he ever was before and I dont want to be harsh. Help! (names aren't real)
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male
reader, quarky +, writes (8 April 2008):
 yeah, agree with the previous answer-tell him straight-don't even bother about the 'gently' thing-blokes tend not to 'get' that! don't be nasty tho' cos it can backfire-even if none of wot happened was down to you in the first place (blokes can be bitchy too :-D) x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): you sound like an honest enough person that doesnt want to hurt anyone at all, would rather suffer the pain of both than give pain to either party. In a situation like this there is nothing u can do but tell him straight up that u are not interested but there are ways of being nice about it. Dont be like "uggg i hate u!!!" say something more along the lines of "i think ur a great guy, i value what we had a lot, and i want to keep it as friends. im sorry if i lead u on or gave u the wrong impression. i hope we can still be buddies" You will learn very quickly that u cannot possibly keep everyone happy. it does not work.
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