A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have a bit of a problem when it comes to letting things go, I suppose. Six months ago, my [now ex]boyfriend broke up with me, and about a month ago I felt like I had finally gotten over him. But I can't help but have thoughts that bug me now and again. Like sometimes I wonder to what extent he flirted with other girls when we were together [he admitted he'd sometimes flirt with female friends, but said it was just in his nature and it was sort of friendly flirting, as opposed to sexual, if that makes sense]. Sometimes I wonder if he cheated but I think that's me being paranoid, I doubt he did.There are other things that still annoy me if I think about them, such as how before we got together he made out as if he wanted to be with me so much, but when we were together he never made the effort to work at problems. And how a couple of times he wanted to go on a break for stupid reasons [but changed his mind a day later], I don't know, some things he did came across as selfish. I know I'm not perfect but I feel as if he was never aware of the less finer points to himself.I know I should just move on and forget about him, but I see some really good advice on here with things I wouldn't have thought of, so if anyone has any helpful words of advice to offer, I will be grateful, thank you.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Just put all this down to experience, a learning curve if you like. I know it is hard at the moment because your mind keeps retracting back to past scenarios. I can tell you that things will get easier for you, time is the healer of all things. Try to do some things that take your mind off of this, hook up with friends, go out have a laugh, go to the gym, evening class. and as your thoughts are taken away from your past relationship in time you will find yourself thinking about it less and less. Sooner or later you will me someone who sweeps you off your feet, then you won't even be thinking about it atal.
Good luck
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 What you describe just sounds like immature behavior from him. Self awareness doesn't happen at the same time for everyone. He sounds pretty typical for a guy his age, and you perhaps a bit advanced.
Worrying about the stuff like if he cheated or not will do you no good. It's best to believe he didn't unless you have evidence to the contrary. If he had behaviors you didn't like, then make note of that and make sure to date a guy who doesn't display those behaviors in the future.
The past cannot be changed, but it should be learned from. What can you learn from this failed relationship that will make your future relationships better?
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