A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I even begin to leave an abusive realationship?? My partner has became very abusive in the last 9 months ( I know what your going to think .. why am I still with him after that amount of time) the answer is I'm sacred!!) what can I do?! Every time I've ever tried to leave he makes it impossible..he uses violence he gets angry .. he hits me so hard it takes my breath away I feel trapped I try and try to leave but he knows it's not that simple for me to go he knows he has a hold because he can just get violent and throw his weight around.. I've gone away to my sisters and he just finds me.. I have no where else other than hers to go. I don't even feel human anymore. there is no one I feel I can talk to about it without being judge or pittied.. it's feels like an ongoing nightmare. He is so sweet until it's behind closed doors and I say something Out of line . I need this nightmare to end but I'm scared of the consequences when I do leave if I can make it out the door without him stopping me what then when he just comes to my sisters, knowing I'll be there .. I'm lost lonely and scared
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trapped, violent Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (28 July 2017):
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RUN AWAY!!!!!DON'T TELL ANYONE WHERE YOU ARE GOING, JUST LEAVE, ESCAPE AS FAR AS YOU CAN.If you can't go anywhere else, go with your sisters, and tell her not to let him in.Call the cops if necessary.Place a restraining order if necessary.GET HELP! GET LEGAL HELP!No human being deserves being treated like that.If you were my sister, I would literally kick the s**t out of that dude, honestly, no matter how strong or rich that prick is.I have been for 10 years in a relationship, and the only time I have hit my girlfriend was when I was sleeping and having a bad nightmare. She still has not forgiven me for that. Normal and healthy relationships don't have violence in the equation.SAVE YOUR LIFEGET HELPI wish you the best luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your respsonse's. I'm getting help to leave just taking a lot of courage to do so.
Thank you all it's nice not to feel alone
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2017): Are you ok?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2017): Please contact womens aid. They can help you, and put you in touch will organisations local to you who can get you out of there and somewhere safe. I have had experience of this myself, and you're better off without him.
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A
female
reader, AnnalisaV +, writes (2 May 2017):
 Hi,
I really hope you have left him already, but if you are still unsure, please, report him to the police.
People like him really need to understand that they cannot get away with violence: they can and will be arrested, if only they are reported by their victims!
If you feel unsafe at your sister's, there are help-lines for women escaping domestic violence all over the country, safe houses for them to go to and you can and must get a restricting order, so that if he comes anywhere near you, he goes to jail.
Your local helpline can be found online.
Also, remember that just because he sees you or founds you at your sister's, it does not mean you have to go back with him. You have every right to tell him that it's over and that you never want to see him again.
You are a lot stronger than you think, too!
If he attacks you, cross your arms in front of your face with your palms turned out towards him: he will not be able to push past them, no matter how big he is, but you will be able to push him off.
Don't allow yourself to be around him any more.
You have your entire life and happiness ahead of you x
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 May 2017):
 You must gather all the support you can: from family, friends and authorities if necessary.
You are being bullied because you are alone and weak. He won't stop until someone stands up to him.
You feel alone and helpless. Don't let this happen to you. He has to know there will be consequences if he abuses you.
It is worth talking to the police. They used to not like getting involved in domestic matters but things have changed, particularly if you can show bruises from his assaults. That is definitely a criminal offence.
You have to dig deep to get yourself out of this terrible situation. Find the strength within yourself and help will come.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2017): Go to the police and explain what's happened. They should also be able to advise you where to get help. There are women's shelters in the UK that you can go to. This man should not get away with being abusive towards you and the sooner you get away from him the better. The police need to know about this in order to protect other women from him in the future. Delete your Internet history.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 May 2017):
 Don't forget to delete your internet history if there is any chance he can check it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2017): correction: i think i mean police will check you out even if you do back down because i believe it is considered important.
Otherwise you could be held in a hostage situation and police dont like that so they trace the call and turn up anyway with backup if necessary!Believe me, violent partners back off and away the minute you call police!
He has a nerve to think he can slap you around and get away with it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2017): Please get out get help please! No woman deserves to be treated like this that guy is sick.Wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2017):
 Have you contacted the police?
Do you have employment? Could you speak to your boss about this? I say this because without a job or an income, your options are only to go to your family or go to the police. But with a job, you can find ways to get away. If you talk to your boss, you can ask about being moved to a different office, if there is one. Or to take time off to get away, and be able to move to a different location. Also for your boss to know to NOT let your abuser enter the building or disturb your colleagues or you when you are at work.
I think the important thing here is to speak up to those around you, family, work, the police, and get everyone informed of what this man is doing to you. Let everyone know. If you keep it hidden, you are endangering yourself. Because people can be so blind to these things and not want to see it, unless you force it in their faces. And people around you can not help you, unless they know the full extent of what is going on. And for this, you need help. This isn't something anyone can handle on their own. You need support from everyone around you.
Get in touch with old friends too, and ask for help. If your partner is what I suspect he is, he will have tried to isolate you and make you feel like you don't have any friends. Dare to reconnect with them and tell them the truth. Tell them he hits you, and you need to get away, but that you need help. A place to sleep. Someone to take you to the police to report him.
You need to get away. If he comes to your sisters, call the police. Tell your sister everything. Tell her all the details. He should not be allowed in the house, or anywhere near you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): Dont blame yourself if your partner has turned very nasty. Just call the police on your mobile the minute he starts acting violent and they will appear quite rapidly and see him out.You need to call the emergency number for this quick action!Your boyfriend will change into another person by the time they arrive but once that call is made the police visit you regardless unless you back down.So keeping that knowledge behind you try to move forward.If its your flat he has to walk but you sound too frightened to stand up to him so try honeypies idea of locating womens aid.The strange thing is that even the mention of the word 'police can change his behaviour.Its not good to be trapped like this so if you have tried sister before then dont go there!You need a differnt allie.Did you know that doctors and nurses can refer you for help even from an S.T.D centre.You have every chance if you are determined to leave before he does any more damage.A silent nightmare is no good.You could scream the house down and smash windows and yell for help hoping the neighbours hear but really a quick emergency call saying "I need the police to ...." will do it.If they want to know why just say 'he's gone violent!'They will know what you mean and send rapid response immediately.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (30 April 2017):
http://www.refuge.org.uk/
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 April 2017):
I would also advise not to tell anyone where you are at the beginning. That way your evil partner cannot bully or intimidate them into telling him.
Good luck. You CAN do this.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 April 2017):
 You must get help; you can't leave alone. If you escape to your sister's place and he comes to get you, don't let anyone open the door. Call the police if he continues or won't leave.
When he leaves for work, take a bag of important things and go. When you get to your sister's, call a women's shelter. Get proper help immediately.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 April 2017):
 https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/
Is he "always" home? Do neither of you work?
Personally, I'd gather up ALL your important SMALL things. Like ALL valuables and important papers.
If it's NOT safe to go to your sister's place - then look into the nearest shelter. If you CAN get a friend or family member to take you and drop you off.
Call:
Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge: 0808 2000 247).
I put a link on the top. READ it all and follow the step.
YOU can get out. And I would advise that your sisters DO NOT open the door if he shows up, they should CALL the police instead ASAP.
You CAN get out. In fact, your life depends on it. Unfortunately leaving is dangerous. It takes more than just walking away. So DO call the number, see if they can take you in and help you ASAP. Many of the shelters have people who can help with relocating, job search and legal matters such as getting a restraining order.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): Does your country have shelters for abused women? That is where you should go. Do you have laws in your country that can protect you? Tell your sister to investigate these options for you. And just how does he know to look at your sisters for you? Do they rat you out? Cant you hide at her house like in the attic under a bed etc. if he looks there.Why does she even open the door for him? Tell her to call the police if he goes there.Can your parents or family loan or give you money so you can relocate very far....think thousands of miles away? When you leave do not tell him. Maybe you can be a nanny in another country..I knew someone who did that all over Europe.Do you have any relatives that live very far away you could stay at?There has to be somewhere safe you could go you have internet start looking now...do not wait if you do you could end up dead..please write back and let all of us know if you are alright.Please leave today.
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