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female
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*en33
writes: hi i am married with 3 children but i do want to leave my husband as i dont love him any more i know this as i get all this feelings about someone else but what should i do as i know this will really hurt him . Reply to this Question
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male
reader, iamsoscrewedup333 +, writes (11 May 2006):
There is really no way to do it with out "hurting" him, but if you have to go, then you have to go. You have to ask yourself, it is better for me to hurt him, or allow him to keep hurting me?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): Each extra minute you spend in this marriage is one minute you could have spent getting your life back and healing from this abusive relationship.
You say you don't want to hurt your husband, but what you are really saying is that you don't want to upset the status quo - change can be a scary thing, and the unknown presents a formidable barrier to action. He has proven himself to be unworthy of your consideration. If you stay any longer, you risk an escalation of his abuse to physical violence.
Find a women's shelter and get out of your hell. Now is not soon enough. If necessary get someone to help you and your kids QUICKLY move out to the shelter. Don't waste any more time. I wish you luck.
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (2 May 2006):
 With more information it makes more sense. What you have described is a controlling man and that is a form of abuse. When abuse starts in the beginning it shows it's ugly head by being controlling and can lead to death.
You can't stop thinking about the other man for your sub-conscience sees him as a life-line to get out. You don't need him to leave, leave for yourself. No one deserves to be treated badly.
Contact family get the support that you need, talk to a lawyer about child support. Check out counselling to work out the feelings of frustration.
Thank you for shedding more light on this situation.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (2 May 2006):
 I think in your heart of hearts you know what you need to do honey. I think you need to get your life back and you need to be free of this controlling individual. I also believe that you probably have feelings for this other guy as a sort of *defence mechanism* against the sad and controlled nature of your marriage. I hope you can come to a decision.
xxx
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female
reader, jen33 +, writes (2 May 2006):
jen33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni never said i was leaving to be with someone else just that i cant stop thinking about this other person.
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A
female
reader, jen33 +, writes (2 May 2006):
jen33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have been trying for over 2 years now and it always goes back to the same situation . i am not allowed to go any where unless i have a kid with me . i have no friends left as he hates me having any . i cant go out as he just does not trust me so what is the point in being in a relashionship where there is no trust . but yet he has pleanty of looser mates and he can go out with them but never me .
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (2 May 2006):
Hiya honey
Are you absolutely sure your marriage is over and that there is no way that it can be ressurrected?
Tell your hubby how you feel. Do not go into details about this other person you have feelings for. Then put the wheels in motion for divorce or seperation.
The other person - tell them to back off and do not contact them until you are legally seprarted form your hubby. Allow one relationship to end naturally before you move on to the next otherwise you risk taking your baggage with you. When your hubby asks you if ther eis another man, then you can answer him honsetly that you are doing this for you and not for anybody else.
I know it seems hard, and harsh and maybe a little unfair, but it would be more unfair and disrespectful to your hubby if you did this and continued seeing somebody alse and lied about it. Lies have a way of coming out.
Good luck, stay strong.
xxx
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (2 May 2006):
Whatever you do don't cheat, and stop emotionally cheating. You are just hurting yourself and those that love you. It's never a good idea to ruin the trust of children, and break up a family over an affair. Any relationship takes work. It is easy in the beginning when your courting, when the hormones are flying through your body. Yet if you can't keep the fire lit in one relationship you're destined to doom any others that follow. Put the other man out of your head and focus on your marriage. Take time to work on your marriage, sign up for a dance class together, join a book club together. Put aside time every week to be together. Do sweet little things like you did when dating.If you walk away from your marriage too easily you can create distrust, loathing, and even hate towards you from your children. If you try your hardest to make it work and it still doesn't then you at least have a clear mind. Take some time and read a few post of all the women and men crying over the mistake of thinking they wanted someone else. They learned first hand that the grass is not greener on the other side, it is just different.
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