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female
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*hags2045
writes: I would like to know how do i leave an emotionally abusive relationship after 11 years and 3 kids and no money? My biggest problem is money and where do i go?I want things to be better between us, but they never will be. I know that, and how do i spare the feelings of everyone involved? I like the stability of my kids and i suck it up for them. I feel stuck because my youngest is only 3 and i have to be here for him but i can't get a job because my paycheck would go to daycare. I'd rather raise my own kids. I feel so trapped because of my dependence on him for money. HELP!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, WOW!  +, writes (3 April 2008):
I am going through the exact same thing - I have three kid's youngest is 11 months - I work at night but Mr. Man makes sure that I don't keep any money - I am going with or without money as soon as the kids get out of school. 11 years, 3 kids and emotionally crushed - I can't do it anymore. I gotta get out. I am going to a shelter - I heard that they have programs that help you get it together.It is worth a try to me.
A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (3 December 2006):
 You need to be very brave and plan this escape carefully.
Speak to local Authority, the council may have temporary accommodation house they can relocate you to give you a fresh start.
Staying with abusive husband for financial security is not the answer. Your self esteem will be affected and your kids will be traumatized forever!
Good luck and lots of hugs xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2006): I have talked to alot of Single Mothers and there is a lot of help out there.
First of all you can start by going to your local Medical office and tell them you have moved out and have a Children. That you need food stamps, Cash aid and Medical to get you through for a while. Then for a place to live they have low income Apartments everywhere, Look into them!
and last but not least there should be a local child services center in your area where they help you find daycare and will even pay for most of it for you.
Please be stong and don't let your husband know that your thinking this it will just make it harder. Plan away from him. When he working etc.
And try talking to him about how his abuse is hurting you and your children even if there not being abused they are watching it.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2006): I am glad that you want to get out and I know that it is hard but there are womans shelters out there that will help you or go to a trusted friend I hope you find your way and god bless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2006): I understand your problem, I left my husband because I suffered from domestic violence. You feel trapped because you are so financially dependent on your partner, so its up to you to start making plans for your future. I agree it is difficult with a 3 year old and as you say finding a job would mean that a lot of your income would go towards day care for your child. I waited until my child was 5 years of age, left and got myself a job that fitted around school hours. I can only say it was the best thing that I ever did. However you have other children too and you must take their feelings into consideration. I don't know whether your husband would pay you maintenance for your children if you were to leave. But you have to weigh it all up and give yourself a goal to aim for,a way out.
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