A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling really lonely at the moment and although I know there are good reasons for it, it's a reoccurring feeling for me and always has been.I'm a pretty independent person, been single mostly apart from 1 long term relationship of 8 years and a few short lived flings. I have friends and a fantastic family. My problem is that aside from my family I really feel that no-one cares a huge amount about me. Sure I see friends regularly but I'm not their priority...not even near the top of their list. I recently ended a 'fling' due to incompatible lifestyles. It was the right decision and I don't regret it but I really miss having that person to check in with daily who really wants to know how u are. I've also just fallen out with 2 friends which is pretty rare for me (but with good reason), one of whom I used to speak to daily so I'm really feeling a big hole in my life.Most days I'm in tears and I don't know how to get away from this feeling that I'm just not that important to anyone. Everyone else has partners and close friendships that are there day in day out whilst I'm left to cope generally on my own. Everyone says that friendship is the most important thing in life so why do I feel like mine are not that fulfilling?It's not that I just want to find a partner to resolve this, but I do want people right there next to me, to walk with me through life. It's something I feel I never have and never will achieve. Am I being unrealistic or is there any advice for creating these close, permanent friendships? And if not how do I learn to get by on my own? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Metal_Rose  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 You are not the only one in the world that feels like this.
I don't think a partner will fix the issue, it sounds like you are depressed.
I understand being lonely is painful, but I can assure you getting in a relationship to stop feeling lonely may end in bad results.
Maybe you need refocus, stop worrying about it (i know its hard), maybe try get involved in the community some how, I dont thinking having friendship is the most important thing of life, I think you will get more out of life if you perhaps are helping others. Maybe if you think of an older person..in a home...no family..maybe you could donate some of your time to have a monthly lunch with someone that has no one at all.
Just a suggestion :)
when i struggled with the same thing, I promised myself everything i did would turn from a No to a YES even if it was something i didn't really want to do, and my life changed in such a huge way just from that.
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