A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to like myself. I might get happy and excited about a future venture or project but then I remember all my past failures and I lose hope. I have a problem, which is I remember every mistake I have ever made and cannot forgive myself for committing them. I have never received any positive encouragement from my family and the neglect I experienced as a child has made me a recluse.I want to stop being a loner but I am afraid of peoples opinions of me and this keeps me from approaching them or being responsive when they try and talk to me.How can I let go of the past and too start appreciating myself more? Also what are good steps for me to take so that I may stop being scared of people and the world. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): I will assume you have a college degree and you're working. I think you've been reclusive and living in your head for most of your life.
You apparently haven't pursued professional therapy designed to help you through buried childhood issues. However; you are open to advice.
I don't have the credentials to offer you the type of psychological advice you really need. I will give you the benefit of experience and a limited degree of empathy.
I will not feel sorry for you; you're doing well on your own, when it comes to that.
Your self-esteem is based on positive reinforcement from others. You don't pat yourself on the back for even the smallest accomplishment, because you somehow seem to think you are worthless. That comes from being a shut-in and keeping people out of your life.
Your inability to come out to people keeps you trapped. You're underdeveloped in interpersonal skills and make no particular effort to address these issues outright. That is what you'll be told no matter who addresses your problem.
Your unfounded fears have held you emotional hostage and until you expose yourself to being in the mainstream of life; you'll spend the rest of your life living inside your head. You'll only continue to fail at things if you make little effort to do your best. You're not doing your best if you predict failure at the start.
Most people join clubs and do some form of volunteer work to get a sense of purpose and to help others. You can never go wrong when you give your time helping the less fortunate. You will feel better by helping, when you see that there are folks out there worse off than you are.
Take baby-steps at introducing yourself to people. Reading
gives you a lot to talk about. It is a very good way to keep your mind busy and help you to extend your knowledge. It will help you to grow, and become better at things.
Start a project or hobby of your own. Keep at it until you become proficient at it. Read up on it, discuss it with people of similar interests. Employ all the passion you can into it. We all have untapped potential.
Go out and actually talk to people, put your mobile devices away. Get out and travel. That will broaden your interests and give you the courage to integrate yourself into society. You'll have experiences and things to talk about. You'll meet interesting people along the way.
It all starts with courage. You are only a failure from self-fulfilling prophecy. You feel you've failed, will always fail; therefore, you'll fail. Don't always compare your accomplishments to that of others. Everyone has some degree of success or accomplishment. You're included, but you dismiss anything well done, because you are self-taught to put yourself down. Don't wait for praise and re-enforcement. Do it right and with care, and the end product is success.
You have outgrown your childhood, so you aren't the neglected little boy anymore. We're all given a chance to survive, regardless of our childhoods. We choose a path, and we take it. You dwell on the past, hold on to sorrows, and live hating yourself. What a profound waste of the gift of youth.
Give yourself a break. You're still in your twenties with so much ahead of you. You already know most of this stuff is in your head. Set a small goal and don't stop until it is accomplished. Chalk one up for yourself. Keep a journal.
Then go back and read it.
You require some professional therapy, because words are not enough to repair what truly ails you. You will benefit from advice here; however, your problems run deep beneath the surface. You can't push them to the surface without someone qualified to help you to deal with them.
Set a course toward fulfillment, making things better in the world, helping the less fortunate, and giving your life some purpose other than feeling sorry for yourself.
Get some professional help and make some friends. You'll learn that as long as you are kind to people, they'll forgive you for your quirks.
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