A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and have a son, he is 6. My husband is probably "the perfect husband " I have completely fallen in love with someone else. I don't actually know what to do, i cant bear the thought of taking my sons father away from him. How do i get over this other man that i have fallen in love with ? Is this a phase that I'm going through ? How do i know that this is real love and not lust ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): last poster, you hit it on the head.
original poster, this makes sense doesn't it?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): So much good advice, I think you need a breakaway from this OM as the other poster said she is breaking free 100% to give her mind a break from an affair.All too often love and lust get confused and having sex with another man can be a big step mentally for a woman, then it plays mind tricks because she knows it is or was wrong, that is why we have as humans emmotions such as guilt that is what makes us human.I do agree with the last poster too when she says about the PERFECT husband, good genuine men are hard to find and if you want to play the field or behind his back then I'm sure he would be snapped up by some lucky lady who would more than glad to have a PERFECT partner.You say he is PERFECT which makes me think that it is LUST that you have been looking for, woman often confuse love and lust so if they say I DO LOVE him it doesn't make them sound slutty like they only went with another man for sex, the problem is that the mind is a powerfull tool and can mix feelings and emmotions but once you are in that kind of relationship it can be so hard to get away from and in the long run causes much more pain that what we think we set out to cure.Sometimes it's hard enough to be with one person farless having two people in your life and you always know that you are making one off them second best, this will kill your husband who probably totaly trusts you and you think that he is taking you for granted once again mixed feelings.Woman often confuse my husband takes me for granted where the man may just trust her so much he could never imagine her cheating and lie'ng to him.An affair can cause so much pain to everyone concerned short term and long term, this site is full of broken hearts and broken relationships because people go for what they think is a quick fix to bring happiness and joy but as most off us know and you have plainly found out it causes more pain than it is ever worth in the long run.For your own sake I think you need a break before this eats you up and is something that you no longer can live with, and if nothing else your PERFECT husband never for any reason that can exist deserves to treated like this, his wife sleeping with another man, how would you feel if you found out he was doing it to you, you would feel broken, useless disgusted, an affair causes so much bad feelings that when you look back in years to come I'm sure like others you will cringe and say how could I ever have done this to me and my husband, even if you split you will have to live with knowing what you were doing to a decent person.If you don't love him then I suggest that you set both him and you free to find that first lustfull stage of a relationship,but many people go from person to person and one broken relationship to another not because they couldn't get lust but because they just could find REAL to die for LOVE, but that is what most of us are looking for,maybe the grass will not be so green in another meadow, but don't treat your husband with so little respect that is the least he deserves and if you want that first flush feeing it's not so hard to create that in any long term relationship, sometimes we just forget or take for granted the people that we should love.Hope you find the right outcome for you and your husband as far as the OM goes he knows you are married so he can always move on for more lust.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): "i cant bear the thought of taking my sons father away from him." THEN DON'T.Yes you have a lover but you want to also do the right thing in your marriage. You realise what you are doing is wrong, so why continue with this destructive behaviour. You can, if you so choose, to end your affair so that you can mend your marriage. You need to be willing to work at your marriage, if you cannot then please release your perfect husband to go out and find his perfect soul mate - someone who will not betray him, someone who will not humiliate him, someone who will not disrespect him. After all, he too is human, and would just love the opportunity to "f*ck" his mind with someone else who will meet his needs. He deserves a chance at happiness and since you cannot remain faithful to him, just allow him to find true happiness somewhere else. Yes, for a while he will hurt and perhaps cry for what he has been used to (you) but very shortly he would move on, because there are better woman out there that would not lie, cheat 7 disrespect him. In fact any woman in her right mind would snap him up in an instant because he is the "perfect husband" material. Women are "hungry" for good, decent men and you obviously do not appreciate what you have.So enjoy your lover, and the affair, but end your marriage because you have no respect for it. Why am I condemning you, because you have everything, yet you so disgracefully throw it away for what? LUST!!! You will soon find out that your grass will not be greener on the other side. Why? because your lover will just not compare to your husband. At least your husband knows what honour is, do you? I really hope you are a better mother than a wife. Your husband has not done anything wrong so please allow him to be in your son's life when you end the marriage. I would rather your son know that his father loves him even though you forced him out of his life. Later on when your husband heals, and gets on with his life, your son can have an extended family life with his dad and his dad's new lady in his life. our husband can also show your son what it is to actually live with two honest individuals (meaning your husband and his new love) than in the current state with one faithful partner and a cheating better half. You have made your bed with someone else it is time to allow your husband that same privilege.
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A
female
reader, notthetypicalgirl  +, writes (7 April 2009):
I'm in your EXACT situation (although I don't have kids). I fell for a co-worker that I see all day everyday. My husband is perfect on paper and in person. Handsome, outgoing and he loves me to death. What to do?I am romantic with this other man as often as I can be, although I know it's wrong. I've tried to end it with him because I'm married (which he's respected)... but we always find a way back to each other. Temptation is so hard to resist, and I asked myself if it's love or lust. The 2 are so easily confused.The connection with my new guy is so deep/passionate, something that's obviously seemed to fade after 6 years of marriage (but it WAS there in the beginning like all relationships). Feeling this again makes you wonder if you're missing out on life. The hard part with my situation is that I told my co-worker I'm going to stay with my husband and unfortunately we're going to have to move on. He said it's sad because he genuinely fell in love with me and wanted to spend his future with me. I've been in this situation for 10 months already and it's eaten away at me - physically and mentally. I always wonder what it would be life if I left my husband for this new life - but it's not fair to him at all, and honestly I'm hoping this new guy was LUST, not LOVE. He's Jewish, I'm Catholic - right now that's my ONLY reasoning to part with him right away. Sad right?I've finally come to the conclusion that changing jobs might help me get over him, so I'm starting to look around. Him being around all the time is too hard for me to deal with - I guess I'm kinda hoping to move on from him, focus on my career and my husband and see if the other guy (single by the way) meets someone else of his own and slips away from me. He's a great catch, so he won't have a problem meeting anyone.It's such a hard situation, but I can't take the confusion anymore so I'm finally doing something about it and looking to remove myself from this situation 100%.Hope sharing my story helped you a little. I'm sure you're on the same page as me. :(
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A
female
reader, mariaxx  +, writes (7 April 2009):
think long and hard before making any decision because there will be no going back.does this man love you too? what's his situation - is he married too?If you don't love your husband then you need to sit down with him, however hard that may be, and tell him honestly how you feel. Did your love for him go before you met this other man? or since? If since then can you really see a future with this other man, do you completely trust him with your heart?I think answer some of these questions before doing anything else.
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