A
male
age
36-40,
*irdman18
writes:I'm sure this question has been posted time and time again, but I want an answer for my particular case.I'm 17, and just starting having sex with a girlfriend of mine (also 17) a few months ago. I really care about her and want nothing more than to legitimately satisfy her. I've tried my absolute hardest, read all I can, and employed the stuff I read about and her reactions were good mostly to my fingers and certain positions, but being the paranoid person that I am, I genuinely don't believe, nor can I tell if she's having an orgasm. She gets flushed usually, her breathing speeds up, and shes always tired and uncomfortably sensitive in her lady parts afterwards, but it all feels too repetitive because its more or less the same every time, (at least I feel like). I either haven't noticed/felt or can't identify any muscle contractions (her hips kind of invoulentarily thrust upward alot),or squirting, so I feel like I'm failing.My question is three things1. Is she having an orgasm, or is she simply getting only "almost there"2. Is she faking it, and if so how can I confront her about it?3. What can I do to ensure its happening?If it means anything I have a hard time finding and handling her clit but am 100% sure I know how to find and manipulate the G-Spot. I have an average penis, 6 in long 4.8 girth.Sorry for the essay, and I appreciate your answers.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Oh yeah. "Felt like peeing". She had an orgasm. :)
Way to go!
A
male
reader, Birdman18 +, writes (25 January 2011):
Birdman18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust want to thank you guys for the advice, the clit advice being the most useful. I coordinated a bunch of stuff and the result was basically a more intense version of what was going on before. So I guess she wasn't faking. I noticed every sign muscle contractions included, and she was real happy,reporting that she "felt like peeing, got dizzy" and then couldn't describe the next feeling.
I think I succeeded. Thanks to all who answered. You guys are the shit.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Birdman... as for toys, don't think that it's just the toy. One could argue that since your own hand can get you off, why would you need a woman? Even if you're using a vibrator or other toy to help her orgasm, it's YOU that gets her hot. Even if the physical difference to make her toes curl might be a toy, it's YOU that makes it worth the bother and makes the experience so powerful. Anyone, man or woman, can climax without a partner, but surely you feel that it's better with her, right? She feels the same with you.
Though for now, you seem to be doing rather well on your own. Just don't fear toys, they can be something fun and different if things get a little stale.
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male
reader, Birdman18 +, writes (24 January 2011):
Birdman18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor some reason the idea of using a toy at age 17 on my first partner doesn't appeal to me. It also makes me feel like I fail as a lover and need a machine to get my girlfriend off for me. If all that gets her off is a toy, why do I even need to be there.
Just food for thought. I should be okay once i tackle the clit more closely.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 January 2011):
Birdman, I didn't say it was a "favorable" timeline, as any timeline before you have to break up in the end is bittersweet. However, 8 months ia a good chunk of time, and as they say, the bitterness of the impending breakup makes the time you have together that much more sweeter because it has a hit of "now or never" added to it.
Illithid, :) It's almost imperceptible, like a flutter, but yes, the clit hardens up big time, like a pebble. The pulsing of the vaginal/anal muscles tend to come just after the first orgasmic flush in the woman, start out strong, and then just peter out, similar to the way men pulse semen as they have orgasm. However, and I stress...it is not the clit itself that pulses like that.
Birdman, also, the clit is the focus of pleasure, but there are nerves that extend from the clit around the inner walls of the labia (the lips of the vagina). So you can involve all of those areas as well because they radiate from the clit itself.
The G spot is that spongy area about an inch to an inch and a half in on the side of the vagina closest to you. Consequently, it's the side closest to the clit! You guessed it - the nerves emanating from the clit are also responsible for G Spot orgasms. Those orgasms are fantastic, but then again, so are the ones from the jets of a hot tub or a good vibrator as well. Which is another point - toys are also your friend! Think of them as enhancers for you as well. There are some women who have difficulty reaching orgasm without them, so don't feel like your penis has to be the only bringer of pleasure. YOU bring the pleasure.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (24 January 2011):
Huh, what do you know? I just learned something today from YouWish. Thanks! I have never noticed it getting hard as she's about to go, but my ex liked so much activity as she went over the edge that I didn't have the attention to spare to feel for that.
I agree wholeheartedly with YouWish's post though. Rather than keeping score, just keep loving her and working to make it enjoyable for both of you. The more uptight you are about it, the more magic you take away from the moment.
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male
reader, Birdman18 +, writes (24 January 2011):
Birdman18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy is that a favorable timeline?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 January 2011):
Illithid brought up the "feeling" of a clit having an orgasm. The clit itself does not spasm like a penis does. It's the muscles in the vagina and anus that pulses when it happens. What happens to the clit under your tongue is that it will *really* harden up like a pebble when it happens. If you really feel for it (I'm guessing that in the heat of passion, you won't be this observant), at the moment of orgasm, you can feel the tightening actually happen under your tongue. Think of that as amalgamous to your penis's head getting super hard and crimson/purple just before you let it go.
As to your talking about her and you going off to college in August - dude! That's 8 months away! That's more than enough time to really make the orgasmic sparks fly. In fact, the fact that there's a timeline on your time actually might work in your favor.
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male
reader, Birdman18 +, writes (24 January 2011):
Birdman18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUplifting YouWish. Thanks a bunch for the answers guys. Eased my mind a bit. I'll update you guys tomorrow.
I'm going off to college in August though. So is she. I don't see it lasting beyond then because it wouldn't be fair to eith of us. I guess you could say I'm in a bit of a rush.
And I'm more like a 9 or ten minute man. I don't rely on my wang for the orgasm though I depend on my digits. Is that an issue?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 January 2011):
Hmm...you are (or were...I wasn't clear) both virgins. That makes much more sense now.
Then it's very possible that she's either faking it, or more likely, she's enjoying what you're doing to her and doesn't realize that it could get much better.
Here's why I think she's not faking it. You are also a virgin, so the #1 reason why women usually fake is isn't in play now. By far the biggest reason a woman would fake an orgasm, even if she's capable of a real one, is to hurry the guy up in order for him to finish so she can either get some rest or get back to what she was doing before he made his advances.
That means, her noises are designed to excite the man into having his orgasm.
Here's why you really *really* need to trust her right now:
1. She is as new to all of this as you, and having an orgasm for a woman with another man is NOT like a man's ability to have one. She has to be able to let go of her nervousness and really surrender to you. That is not easy to do except with time or a lot of experience, which neither of you have.
2. Your lack of trust freaks you out and tightens you up, which she WILL pick up on and will tighten HER up. If she was on the road to orgasm then, that would derail her into becoming self-conscious and feeling inadequate, which would then derail her orgasm. A spiral, can you see?
3. You are very new at this, and I'm sure that you haven't learned the control and longevity that a man needs to last in bed. The vast majority of guys your age are "one minute men" meaning once you enter her, you rocket towards your own orgasm. That's not nearly enough time.
4. Like I said before, you REALLY REALLY REALLY need to get to be the expert of experts regarding the clitoris, because you will SUCK in bed if you don't. Do not use porn as your sex guide, because...and excuse my language...that's all complete bullshit. FYI, those women are faking it.
5. It will take TIME for you and your girl to get it right. What she is not faking is the fact that she's liking sex with you. Give her some slack. A woman isn't like a man.
Anyways, instead of asking her to guide you places, which men are so good at doing (any men who are reading this...raise your hand if you've placed a woman's hand on your penis!). Women, however, respond to what is already feeling good. You go with the moans...the movements, the "yes, faster, more, don't stop, ow...etc".
Instead of being suspicious and worrying about her faking it, tell her you want to be the best at giving HER pleasure. Tell her that she never has to worry about faking it, because you're not going to leave her frustrated if she can help it.
If she were here now reading this article, I would strongly encourage her to get to know her own clit and body and learn how to give herself an orgasm. That is a HUGE step forward in having a very satisfying sex life.
Above all...it's TIME. Really good sex is like a dance, right down to the kissing. The biggest componant and weapon you have is your mouth. No, I'm not talking about just kissing or oral sex or other physical things you do with your mouth. It's telling her how much you love her...how beautiful she is...DURING sex and outside of it. That is your greatest tool in having her let herself go, which will eventually result in serious orgasmic pleasure for both of you. You're thinking about this in terms of mechanics (she wants the fingers for 2 minutes, followed by...). It's emotional to her. Time to speak her language. :)
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (24 January 2011):
I never felt a clenching around my fingers either, nor did I feel anything on my tongue as YouWish suggested. But I figure if my girl shook, gasped, and told me she came, well... that's just going to have to be good enough for me. A man can drive himself crazy with paranoia. "Did she really see a female friend, or was she with a guy?" "Am I really attractive to her, or does she just not want to hurt my feelings?" "Is she really pleased by the birthday gift I gave her, or does she think I'm cheap?"
There comes a time when you just have to accept her word and go with it. If she is lying to you, then the communication and trust is a bigger issue than orgasms. (Trust me, I know it sucks... my first girlfriend DID fake with me, but I wasn't her first time and she had been lying to me about many other things.) Your girl sounds pretty honest about this. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
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A
male
reader, Birdman18 +, writes (24 January 2011):
Birdman18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've seen it. No need to get smart. Just please answer my question.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Watch the movie "When Harry Met Sally".
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male
reader, Birdman18 +, writes (24 January 2011):
Birdman18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel like a jackass for continually posting, but the back arching and breathing pausing before a gasp. That is exactly what happens. Can girls fake that, could a 17 year old with her first sex partner fake that? Is that an orgasm, or is that the buildup followed by a letdown. I never feel vaunted clenching of my fingers or penis which is essentially why I'm posting this question.
I'm a paranoid kid, I overthink lots of things. Am I taking too adult a view on a situation that shouldn't be viewed through an adult lens? Please be prompt because I'm hanging with her tomorrow and want to make sure I get it for sure this time.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (24 January 2011):
Sadly, you pretty much have to trust her. When the earth shakes and her back arches and her breathing stops before she gasps for air, it's obvious, but sometimes it's so quiet and calm that you wouldn't know to look at her, even though it was an orgasm however small. Some girls can fake really well, some just lie really well. You just have to trust her and do the best you can.
It's a shame too. Girls that fake it just teach men to keep doing what didn't work and really only deprive themselves of pleasure in the long run.
Do learn to love the clit though. It's your best friend.
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male
reader, Birdman18 +, writes (24 January 2011):
Birdman18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts not that don't give her oral sex and its NOT just intercourse It just seems like she prefers my fingers, followed by intercourse. She always says its good and she doesn't normally exhibit any theatrical moaning or signs of fakeage. Part of the problem is we were both virgins, so we're both new to it. When I asked her to kind of direct me as to what she wanted she said she didn't know because she'd never had one before and never seriously masturbated. That was about a month ago and things have gotten better since, but I've just found it easier to trust physiology and anatomy over her word, because if she doesn't know what works, how can I trust her?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 January 2011):
Flushing is a good sign of orgasm. Breathing and oversensitivity is another good sign. Not many women squirt when they orgasm, so I wouldn't rely on that as the definitive sign.
How do you have a hard time finding and handling her clit? Do you not give her oral sex? It's pretty unmistakeable. This is NOT a good sign. Most women cannot have an orgasm through intercourse alone. If you gave her an orgasm through oral sex, you would feel it on your tongue.
Your homework assignment is to become her clit's best friend and greatest expert. She may indeed be orgasming through intercourse, but it's always good to have more than one trick up your sleeve.
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male
reader, Birdman18 +, writes (24 January 2011):
Birdman18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNote: I am 17. I said 22 when I registered because I was scared you had to be 18 to join.
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