A
female
age
51-59,
*z
writes:*OP's Original Title*Background: i just got out of a 14 yr abusive marraige and ended up re-connecting with an old friend - we hit it off perfectly and became lovers. When we are together it is the most wonderful feeling. I have never felt love the way i do when i am with him. I look forward to being with him whenever we can. I have children who do not accept him so we can not be together when they are with me.So during the times when we are not together I am sitting home with the kids waiting and waiting for his call...he promises to call and just doesn't - he is always out drinking with his friends...saying he doesn't want to go home to his moms house. I end up resenting him for blowing me off and then i start sending mean texts telling him i dont want to be with him anymore. And i go into full blown anxiety attacks - i have told him over and over that i can't control it and he just doens't believe me. How do i know if it is worth it? I do truly love him like i never thought possible but he doens't seem to understand i NEED him to call or text me often. I end up being so upset about him when i am supposed to be enjoying my kids - then i honestly end up resenting the time i am with the kids because i can't be with him.I believe he has a drinking problem and i just keep thinking i can help him - and he claims when we can live together he wont need to go out with his friends...how can i ever believe that though...we are in our 40's not teenagers that have no responsibilities....Should i hold out hope that he will change or just try to find someone else....I can't imagine being alone, and i am afraid to just meet someone at a bar.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 July 2010):
Oh dear. I think you've gone from one abusive man to another. It's quite common. I think you need to be alone, right now, focusing on yourself and your kids. But don't continue with this guy. You've just come out of one abusive relationship, and you've wandered straight into another. I think you need to end it, get counselling, and focus on you and your kids. You shouldn't really be resenting your kids for a man who has a drinking problem that you can't stop.
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