A
male
age
41-50,
*urthubby
writes:I think I am ready for a divorce.It has been 15 months since I found about my wife's affair. She was having an affair with my little cousin brother/best friend.He is married also with one child.We have three children, and have been married 17 years.I have tried to love her again, work things out, etc. But I just cannot forgive what she has done.Doesn't matter if she doesn't again, it's what she has already done. She had a choice.It went on for at least 10 months or so.She says they never got physical.It was just a friendship.But I finally found out that they did meet. At first, it was once, then twice, etc. Over time, I have discovered it was 6 times, that she admitted.I just don't think she is telling the truth.I think they met many more times. I know of the 6, it was 2 at his place, 3 at his work, and 1 in a parking lot.Should I really believe her, when she say it didn't get physical? She admits to kissing once, and that's it.They were saying I love you to each other, and I am pretty sure taking and texting about sex.Am I being naive? Did they have sex?I just can't believe that my wife would be capable of doing that. But then again, I would have never belived she would have done any of it.Am I blind or naive? Did they have sex????
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affair, cousin, divorce, I love you, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): They said "I love you " to each other. So to me that is way worse than if they had sex. There is deep emotional attachment, a relarionship. It means that your marriage was already broken long before her affair started. you already lost her long ago and he was just there to pick up the pieces.
Her affair was a symptom of an already broken marriage. Not saying it is ok that she did it. But you have to realize that good marriages don't just suddenly have infidelity in them. Now it may just be too late to salvage anything.
A
female
reader, star_1977 +, writes (19 March 2013):
They most probably have had sex. I'm truly sorry all this happened to you.
If you're not sure whether she was physical with him or not, just try to recall how was making love to her during the affair.
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A
female
reader, autumntrees +, writes (24 March 2012):
I'm 40, female, married 15 yrs., & have 2 kids.How did you find out about the affair? Did you catch her, or did she come out of the blue? These questions are important because...it states whether or not she was finished with that relationship. By u finding out, that would have FORCED her to "END IT." Also, is she angry that u found out? Does she show remorse? I think that she didn't give u honest answers at the time was b/c she had unfinished business, or wasn't done with that relationship. Is it possible that they could still be seeing each other now? Sit alone & write all your questions down. Read them through & put them in order. You deserve honest answers & conclusion to exactly what is unclear to you. When the kids go to bed n all the chores are done, sit with your wife on the bed. Look into her eyes & say, "I need to speak with you." Get the info your entitled to. YOU, will then have an idea whether you want to stay in the relationship, seek counceling, etc. If you know the end is near, don't tell her. Use the time to prepare for divorce. Cross your T's and dot your I's. Make plans for the family n educate yourself with what to expect for the future. But honestly, only YOU can answer the question to if you want a divorce or not. I advise to try all you can... Good luck n keep us posted!
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (24 March 2012):
 I don't think it matters whether it was physical or not. the betrayal of an emotional affair is too much already. I'm not saying you have to leave a person because of emotional or physical infidelity but the fact that she's emotionally available means she's not emotionally connected to you. if you think that you can connect to her again on that level maybe you should continue the relationship. I would be inclined to move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): You need one thing from her if this relationship is to survive.
She needs to cut off all contact with this filth that calls himself your friend. No texting. No calling. No lunches. No anything. All communication stopped until such time as you see fit.
If she cannot make that sacrifice to save her marriage then it's already doomed because she is unwilling to do ANYTHING to regain trust.
Personally I would forgive her, absolve her, and then tell her to leave and never come back. She has shown no remorse. Lied to cover up more lies. Oh, she'll rationalise it because she thinks it would hurt you to know the truth... and yes, she's right... but it hurts more to be continually lied to.
By forgiving her, you show you are better than her and unwilling to let her hurt you anymore as well as unwilling to be petty enough to hurt her back. And by giving her her marching orders you let her go to find whatever it is she apparently can;t find in you and you are free to find someone who isn't a skanky, cheating, hussy, lying bitch of a woman.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 March 2012):
You're not naive. You've been cheated on, and lied to, and treated like shit by people who are supposed to love you. There is no such thing as naivety in a situation like that.
But, the fact is, she cheated and yes it will have been physical. They met up enough times, and there are enough lies here that you can be sure she had sex with him. Everything she's done since shows that they did it. The phone calls, the fact she she lied about meeting, then admitted they met twice, then admitted they met 6 times, then admitted they'd kissed.
Worse still was that it was your cousin/best friend. For me, that's the killer here even more than the cheating in the first place.
You know, deep down, that she cheated physically. That's why you're on here looking for advice. And you know what we're going to say - file for divorce and find someone more worthy of your time.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 March 2012):
 Kissing *is* physical.
But I know what you mean. If they met 6 times, and twice at his place, I bet anything it went physical. 10 months of sneaking off to private places, and it didn't get physical?
If they were together 10 months, I bet it was a lot more than 6.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): Why would you meet in a parking lot and not get physical? Or at dudes home? 6 times?
No honest woman does that. I would never put my integrity or character in question.
Trust is destroyed. You seem like you won't get closure. IF you cannot move past this- I say last resort is couples counselling.
What does the guy say?
*shrugs*
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