A
female
age
36-40,
*earheadedgirl
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We live together, share a life and goals, and he has right out told me that he is in this for "the long haul". During the first 3 or 4 months of our relationship, he continued to "play the field" - by this I don't mean he physically cheated on me, but he continued to be extremely flirtatious and suggestive with other women, including his "friend with benefits" that he was seeing right before me. He would make very suggestive comments to them (such as "hey....want to get naked and wrestle?" or "let's get drunk and make mistakes" ect.) constantly being sexually suggestive and flirtatious. I also feel like he was downplaying our relationship as just a fling, so these girls would maintain interest in him. I also believe (though I don't really have concrete proof) that he was maintaining an emotional affair with his previous friend with benefits.I found out about all of this, and made it very clear that this was not ok. He said that he understood, as the if it was me acting like that he would be very upset as well. I make it known that anything that he wouldn't do or say in front of me was inappropriate.Since then, he says he has stopped behaving that way. That he has made it known that he is in love and happy with me. I believe him.....for the most part. 99% of me believes that he doesn't act that way anymore, but I just can't get past how he used to be. When I found out how he was acting behind my back, I was very hurt, not to mention that I have been cheated on many times, so I am very cautious. I guess what I'm asking is if he's done it once, will he do it again?
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female
reader, gearheadedgirl +, writes (28 July 2010):
gearheadedgirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I know what I have to do I just allow things to progress how it will, and just love him and be a good girlfriend. I have to understand that he's going to do what he wants to matter what I do or say, and my only responsibility is to choose how I react if he disrespects me. He got his one and only chance to screw up, and he won't be forgiven for behaviour like that again. It's just hard knowing I can't control it. It's also hard, because I know that I don't really have any way of knowing how he acts behin my back. I don't want to look like an idiot again.
Thanks for your help!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): It's possible for people to change, but only when THEY CHOOSE TOO. No one can force that change really....if you don't trust him, it's best to end the relationship because, without trust, you really don't have anything.
When a person first starts dating, most people are dating several people at one time until they decide to get serious--and that is fine...that is what dating is all about...getting to know the person, finding out if that person is who you want to take it to the next level with..so dating more than one person at one time is normal and there is nothing wrong with that. Your boyfriend went wrong AFTER he chose to be in a committed relationship with you--the flirting is an act of disrespect even though it's not considered to be "cheating" per say.
It's always difficult trust others when a person has been hurt time and time again by people they love whether it be a girlfriend or boyfriend, a family member or friend. It's not your resp. to make sure your boyfriend up holds his end of the trust bargin in the relationship. If he has any respect for you, he will do it.
I sugg. you read a book by Sherry Argov called "Why Men Love Bitches." It will give you insight on how a woman should carry herself before and during a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Janice25  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Hum.It seems like he was not ready for a serious relationship, as usually most men aren´t.That is why most of them cheat. They are afraid of commitment.Afraid of getting too attached that if u break up with them, they fall apart.
It is possible that he might cheat on you again.but I think that if he loves you deeply he will not cheat on you.
U know, people need to have principles.Either they choose
to cheat or not.Cause sometimes a man might feel attracted to another woman and not cheat on their gf.
U just need to be careful and attentive. My advice is dont be too clingy, needy. Show him u love him but give him some space.If does not change, mabye u should find someone who respects u more.
I hope what i said helped.
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