A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneMy boyfriend has a 19 year old sister (I will just call her "Jane") and I have known her for many years but have recently realized something that is not quite normal about her. She is extremely pretty but has never had a boyfriend or even many male friends (except for her Gay male friend from school) and didn't have a date for her prom night. So either she is very picky, hasn't found the right guy yet or isn't even into guys at all?! When she was younger she seemed to have a crush on one of the Jonas Bros but if you had to ask her now if there are any cute guys at school she doesn't seem to show much interest but spends all her free time with her female bff and sleeps over at her home every weekend and during her school vacation. Her family has told her she is spending too much time at her bff and tried to get her to come home for some family time one evening but she refused and pleaded that they let her stay over. The bff apparently feels lost and miserable when Jane is not around. Jane has many other female friends but doesn't spend half as much time with any of them and if she does, her bff gets jealous. On closer inspection of Jane's Facebook profile I noticed many messages on her timeline from this bff, which contained a LOT of "I love you's" and "I miss you's" and this bff constantly praising her for how amazing and beautiful she is, dating back from when she was around 14 years old. There are also many photos of the two of them, usually in an pose where one is kissing the other's cheek. Am I just crazy? Is this what teenage girls do these days?? Thinking back when I was her age it was my life's mission to find a boyfriend and when I finally found one we were inseparable and my friends, including my best friend, all took a back seat! I am concerned for her as she is like a little sister to me and she has been having many anxiety attacks lately. I worry that she is holding a lot of fear inside for what her parents might say (that's if she is really gay) as they are quite conservative and traditional. I would totally support her whoever she chooses to love. Does this scenario sound familiar to anyone? How do I know for sure if my suspicions are right and what should I do(or not do)?
View related questions:
best friend, crush, facebook, jealous, kissing, never had a boyfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, deVoyd  +, writes (13 December 2015):
I think you forgot something. She is enjoying her single life. Why so serious(joker accent)?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2015): I agree with the other posts. It is nothing to do with you. You could also start by not using the word 'normal'. What is normal or not anyway? Perhaps she has picked up on your analysing and you are just another person she doesn't want to talk to.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 December 2015):
 You do nothing, it's basically none of your business. So WHAT if she is a lesbian? Or bisexual? Or straight? Who cares?! It's HER life to live.
She is 19, not 9.
You make YOUR life choices, SHE gets to make her own.
As for the kissing, In my circle of friends (late teen/early 20's ) we all kissed each other in greetings, guys and girls made no difference. Cheek, mouth, air-kisses. Didn't mean that we were all gay or that the kisses were of a sexual nature.
Not really sure why this is bothering you. If she is gay, she is gay. There is not "fixing" that. Nor SHOULD there be any attempts made to "fix" it. She is perfectly fine.
And her friendships? no matter how dysfunctional they are, again NONE of your business. If she ASKS you for advice, be honest and be helpful if you can, other than that? Leave it be.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 December 2015):
 you say nothing
you do nothing
she is a young adult woman and it's NONE of your business.
Now if SHE comes to you and asks YOU for advice then YOU can ask us how to help her but to ask us if you should butt your nose into her personal business the answer is NO.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2015): That's what me and my best friend were like at that age and still take pics with kissing on the cheek and we weren't romantic. It seems like you have an unhealthy obsession with her, even if she was gay so what! Do you fancy her is that it? So far nothing strikes me as definitely gay but even if it did it's none of your business.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (11 December 2015):
 Im not sure why you feel the need to do anything. Live and let live.
...............................
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (11 December 2015):
You are overly concerned about her sexuality, which is really no concern of yours. Just be nice to her and show her the same amount of love whether she eventually proves herself gay, straight or bi.
Don't get involved in outting her...that will only drive a wedge between you and your bf, his sister and their other family members.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2015): For the life of me, I can't see why it's any of your business?
What should you do about? Nothing!
Go attend to your own love-life. Her family will deal with whatever her orientation is, or they may not.
When she's old enough, it won't be any of their business either.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (10 December 2015):
 I have to admit I am a little perplexed by your questions, yes the girl might be gay, but then again she might not, and what you consider not normal is an opinion only, there are many and varied shades of normal.
The girl is 19, not a child, there is nothing that you "should" do.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (10 December 2015):
I think the only thing you can do is to be friendly, show an interest in her, ask her how she is and create the impression for her that you’re open if she ever wants to confide in you. It’s difficult because you are dating her brother, so she might feel unwilling to tell you things because of the difficult position it puts you in if she wants something kept secret. To be honest it’s absolutely impossible to deduce anything either way about her sexuality from this. Some friends are just more tactile and demonstrative. Some friends are very close like this. They sound more like a pair of 14 year-olds than 19 year-olds in the way they behave with each other, but people mature at different ages. Then again, you could be right: this could be a crush. The point is that just because she shows little interest in guys and is very close to a female friend, to assume she’s gay could well be putting 2 and 2 together and making 5. I think all you can do, as I said, is show an interest in her. Why don’t you take her out yourself sometimes? Perhaps with space from her family she might open up, or you might find that there’s nothing to tell.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
|
