A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am with a gorgeous guy and we've been together about 2 years. We get along really well and love each other, but here's the problem. I am probably the most attractive woman he's ever been with and it's killing his ego. Last night he admited that he can't stand the fact that when we enter a room together, he's not the one turning heads -- I am. At first I laughed, because to me he's way out of my league. I grew up being a homely kid, so I've never shaken that image in my head. At times I have to pinch myself to believe I'm with him because I don't see myself as the "pouf" in this relationship. But I admit all his former wives and g/f's were kinda "plain-Jane" and I always wondered what he saw in them. Now I know! He's always picked women who wouldn't compete with him for the "center-of-attention" factor he's used to getting. And while I think he's proud to have an attractive woman on his arm, because he's always introducing me to his friends and co-workers and his family, and he seems proud to be with me, I think the undercurrent is there and he doesn't like the lack of attention he's now getting. The problem is, I worry that when he travels for meetings and when he's alone, he'll be seeking that validation from somewhere else. I have always tried to build him up and tell him how cute and sexy he is, and just let him know I'm wild about him, though he rarely reciprocates and is a bit stingy with his praise and adoration for me -- now I know why - he's more insecure than I am. How do I keep our relationshp from de-railing and how do you keep two basically insecure people from destroying a beautiful relationship?
View related questions:
co-worker, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 June 2007):
 I don't understand your man. In a way, being with a gorgeous woman should be a boost to his ego, something like "See who's with me, you morons?". That should help him with his insecurity, not the other way around. That should ensure him enough attraction from the people around, something like "See that lucky guy".
Now, your problem is how to keep the relationship from being destroyed. I'm afraid there is not much YOU can do. You'll always be pretty and people will always look at you. It is HE who needs to accept that. You won't achieve anything by telling him you're wild about him, because that he knows; you could be with anyone but you're with him. What he wants is something you cannot give: other people's attraction.
I was thinking that perhaps his true motive is fear that you'll find someone else. If this were the case, then you're telling him you're wild about him WOULD do any good. But since it doesn't, I don't think he thinks you would go to someone else.
The man needs to overcome his insecurity. Period.
Maybe this is not what you wanted to hear, but I think this is the truth.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): By focusing on developing a personality rather than relying on your looks, narcissus dyed staring at his own reflection in a pool of water, he was so in love he starved to death because he could not take his eyes off his own reflection....this is what your story sounds like, how sad for you both that this is how you get your validation in life rather than from realizing your dreams and living your values and the satisfaction and self admiration that comes with it.
...............................
|
