A
female
age
36-40,
*abb88
writes:So Ive dated every type of man out there.. the hopeless romantic, the badboy, the future urban outdoorsman, the vain, and the abusive. But if you were to ask me to conduct a relationship with a "geek", I wouldnt know where to begin. To make a long story short, Ive recently (about 4 months ago) gathered the courage to leave behind a horribly abusive relationship. "The Ex" and I were together for 3 years, lived together and all. He had cheated on me 8 months in. I stayed with him in hopes that he will be able to prove to be trustworthy. However, the only result was resentment which eventually wore on the relationship. It turned into alcoholism, and led to both emotional and physical abuse. The result? One damaged girl, forced to rise from the ashes and find herself again.Im still recovering from my old habits. Id say that Im 95% there. Anyhow, since Ive met an amazing sensitive guy... and he is a "geek". I still have the urge to act as I did with my ex.. which is no bueno. So my question is for advice. What would help control my implusive and impatient mentality? Any ideas to help nuture the one potentially healthy relationship that Ive ever encountered would be greatly appreciated. So, speak up. Anyone thats been with a geek or has been in a similar situation. Or if you are a geek, tell me what turns you off, and what you look for in a woman.
View related questions:
cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, tempguy999  +, writes (28 June 2011):
Ampersand is right. Communication is one of the biggest foundation for a relationship, because it can solve almost every problem.
Don't ask us what turns geeks on, ask him what turns him on.
And if you don't want to be impatient, you should try to relax. Perhaps practice meditation.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Do him a favor, don't even start anything with him. You will hurt him!
...............................
A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Could you describe for us the qualities about this person that lead you to this stereo type? Does he recite Monty Python skits front to back? Or is he a nose picker? Does he have an action figure collection or does he need to check with his mother before he makes a decision. Is the problem that he won't make any moves on you? Is this what makes him a geek in your book?Everyone is different. Every single human being. You need to communicate with this man if you care about him. If you are impatient about something, ask him about it. It really is that simple. Don't over analyze this. There is an ideal out there for the perfect healthy relationship. The formula works across stereo types and starts with communication. Good Luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Build him up. There's a special kind of pride in making the people around you better just by being part of their lives, and doing it for a geek is one of the ways I'd most recommend for any girl to have long-term happiness.
Part of it is because, all too often, I've seen women in your circumstances swear off the jerks and try to find a nice guy... only to get bored a few months in and go back to someone who treats them like dirt. Beware the first stirrings of boredom; work through them and continue to build the relationship, rather than just ignoring it and hoping it gets better.
Encourage him to take an active role in leading the relationship. I'm not saying have him totally control you, I'm saying ask him to make decisions of any kind (where you go for dinner, when you plan a road trip together), then act very pleased when he does so. Show your affection whenever he acts confident and outgoing, in order to encourage similar behavior. He'll appreciate it, and grow into a more confident, outgoing guy - while hopefully still retaining the geeky core. You'll appreciate him more, he'll appreciate it, everyone wins.
On the flip side, don't nag him, tear him down, or project your expectations of your exes on him. That can undo a lot of the wokr of building him up very quickly.
...............................
A
female
reader, LittleMissy  +, writes (27 June 2011):
The kind of relationship you've just got out of, I'd say needs more than 4 months to get over. (From experience).
Try getting to know him as a friend first whilst you rebuild everything which your ex took from you. Ask for help/therapy if necessary. It's nothing to be ashamed of a most people need it to get over an abusive relationship and find themselves again.
Otherwise their is a risk you will push him away, or become the kind of person your ex was. Cos after all, an abuser strips away your self esteem until it's less than theirs!
just relax and have fun, don't look for anything serious now. Chances are when your recovered it won't be what you want anymore, causing more hurt for yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, LittleMissy +, writes (27 June 2011):
The kind of relationship you've just got out of, I'd say needs more than 4 months to get over. (From experience).
Try getting to know him as a friend first whilst you rebuild everything which your ex took from you. Ask for help/therapy if necessary. It's nothing to be ashamed of a most people need it to get over an abusive relationship and find themselves again.
Otherwise their is a risk you will push him away, or become the kind of person your ex was. Cos after all, an abuser strips away your self esteem until it's less than theirs!
just relax and have fun, don't look for anything serious now. Chances are when your recovered it won't be what you want anymore, causing more hurt for yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011):
I am a "geek" and there is no one type of "geek." Some of them are into open relationships, drugs, and wild times. Others are shy, quiet, and conservative.
I would just be yourself. Maybe it's your impulsiveness that he finds attractive. If he has any issues with you he should be the one to say so. We can't predict what will turn him on or off.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 June 2011):
 All the geeks I know hate it when you mess with their computers. But OP I also want to congratulate you on your escape from the abuser, well done.
...............................
|
