A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I've had my first bf about a year ago, stuff happened, I got hurt etc. I'm angry with him but I still "miss" him. I don't know if he cheated or not, but I still have this feeling that he did. We met online and he's about 5 years older than me. Now this is pretty tough on me for this is my first breakup. How do I move on when I like my childhood friend, that's 2 years older than me, so much but don't want to get hurt, ruin our friendship and humiliate myself? My parents are also friends with his parents so that's another brick wall. My parents are pretty overprotective and sometimes stressful on me. This is my last year in school for me because I'm home schooled and I'm busy with my exams, so it's stress the whole time. They don't always get me or understand me, so it's basically no use to talk to them about this. They think I'm still a child, but I'm almost 17! And the cherry on top is that I'm not really allowed to date?!I've always had a soft spot for my friend in my heart ever since we met. He's very nice and my parents also like him. Please help me
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met online, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2015): Thanks you guys. :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): Unfortunately, lying to your parents isn't mature or responsible. So you shouldn't secretly date anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2015): Hi there :)
I totally understand your situation. Firstly, I would ask you to stop meeting people online. Its just not safe and what people look and say through online is deceiving. Tbh, if you like this guy, I would suggest stay friends with him for a while and after your exams, spend some time with him and see if he feels the same way.
Another problem is parents right? Well, I can honestly say I understand exactly what you're going through with your parents. I had the exact problem. Well, if your parents don't allow you to date yet, well, try talking to them and asking them what they think. I kept my relationship a big secret so did my bf. And my parents met my bf and said they approve of him as a friend and all and they know I like him but doesn't know about our relationship.
If you and your friend do date and keep it a secret, it is a hard task believe me. There will be a lot of lying and all. 17 is a pretty good age to experience what a relationship is like. However, just make sure to be mature and responsible with your action.
I'm not very much older than you so I know what you're going through. All the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2015): What's wrong with dating someone who is the same age as you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2015): Thanks so much guys, I really appreciate it. I'll try your advice. ^-^
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2015): Honey, trust me. You still are a child. I'm sorry, I wish i had listened when i was 17. this is the age your hormones are raging. I started dating at the age of 17 and am still with the same guy. Now I look back and realize that i made really bad decisions. If I were to choose now, I'd have never chosen him! He's very emotionally abusive.At the tender age that you are, your brain only has its emotional part developed. The part of brain that processes emotions and gives rational output is only going to start developing after 20. even if he's the right guy, chances are that you will screw it up at this age by exposing your emotions and not knowing how to manage a relationship. My advice: stay friends with this guy. Keep getting to know him and his family. Anything more than that, you can think of after a minimum of 2 years. minimum.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2015): First – stop meeting people online – just drop it completely – you can already see the problem with doing that.Second, your friend. Whether you know it or not – there is a huge difference in age between 17 and 19. And that’s where ANY parents would have a problem. Try to think of some things that you could do with him that are strictly in the friend category – like going to the library, going to the pool, going to a sports event at his school, going for a bike ride, etc. Then you need to figure out a way for you to ask him to do one of those with you. Or figure out a way to ‘accidentally on purpose’ bump into him somewhere – somewhere where you could stop and talk for a while, and then kind of say “hey, do you like bike riding – let’s go for a ride along the river tomorrow,” (or whatever is your idea). Try to do this a few times and then likely he will begin to come up with ideas.If what you do together is strictly in the friend category - your parents shouldn’t object, especially because they know him. And also if you are going ‘just as a friend’, how can that ruin your friendship or how could that humiliate you? The key to success is not to rush things – it is only if you push too hard or too fast you might lose a friend and be hurt. So I would suggest that you resolve to keep it just friends and not push it or try to make-out with him or be his girlfriend for quite some time. If your parents can see that you are mature enough to do things with him and keep everything ‘just friends’ they will begin to have confidence that you are no longer a child. Then if sometime he asks you to go on a real date, well maybe they will be okay with it.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2015): Technically, you're a child until you're 18. Also you're still very young. I know that sounds bad, but I'm 20 and I realise now just how young I was.
I didn't have my first boyfriend until 19, don't rush it; you'll have plenty of time for that during the next several decades of your life, but not for your education.
I know you won't like this advise, but it's worth just growing up slowly while you don't have many responsibilities :)
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