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How do I just "grow a pair" and approach a girl who hasn't shown any interest in me?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 January 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2016)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

When going out, I often have girls giving me signals of interest.

Then there are some really good looking ones that seem uninterested. I would love to ask out one of the latter ones.

About three times I've been told by others that after I left, the beautiful "uninterested"one said they wanted me to come to them.

One even said that the reason she didn't try was because she felt intimidated by me and thought she had no chance. I can tell you these type of girls really intimidate me

. So do I just "grow a pair" and approach without any interest shown to me? Or do I wait to have some signal of interest from them?

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2016):

Denizen agony auntYou could start by just passing the time with complete strangers in the street, or on public transport. You will find everyone will respond. Elderly people particularly like a chin-wag. You may be the only person they have spoken to all day. The weather is always fair game in UK.

From that, chatting to a young woman is only a step further.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (4 January 2016):

Honeypie agony auntHow about you try not to think too far ahead?

Like, how about you start by TALKING to her, getting to know her a little?

If she turns you down or seems disinterested, don't swear it, AT LEAST you tried talking to her.

The more you practice talking and approaching the bigger the chance is that they respond positively.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (3 January 2016):

Denizen’s right. Don’t rush it. It’s better if you show some interest yourself. Talk to her, ask her how she is and make conversation. With the ice broken, you can then ask her if she’d like to meet up again. If she asks about the intention of the meeting, for example whether you mean for a date, be honest about what you’re wanting this to be, but if you say that it’s a date, be sure to add that it’s just to see how it goes with no pressure so that she doesn’t feel uncomfortable or backed in to a tricky situation.

Perhaps tell her that you enjoyed her company and ask if she’d like to see you again. How do you make this less intimidating? You think about just how bad the worst case scenario will be and how it isn’t all that bad. Well, the worst that will happen is that she says no. If that happens, you’ll feel a bit disappointed and a bit awkward in the moment. You’ll tell her “no worries,” and that will be the end of it. You’ll move on. I remained good friends with the first person I plucked up the guts to ask out after they politely said no. I thanked them for their honesty; they thanked me for mine. IT was a bit awkward for a few days, then forgotten. Anyone who is a decent person will respect you for doing it even if they turn you down.

You’ve got nothing to lose for trying.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (3 January 2016):

chigirl agony auntYou approach. Guys are so intimidated by beautiful women you'd be surprised by how little attention they actually get. Whenever I dress up amazingly in a skirt or a dress, and go out, NO MEN dare talk to me. If I wear a t-shirt and jeans I get approached a lot. But when styled up with make-up and hair done and the lot.. men are intimidated.

So yeah, approach! Just because we did our hair and wore something pretty doesn't mean we are going to bite you.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (3 January 2016):

Denizen agony auntIt doesn't have to be an all or nothing approach. You can talk to them an lead up to asking if they would like to see you again. The role you are playing is actually very demanding of others because you expect them to come to you all the time. Your behaviour forces others to make the effort. It's time to make some effort yourself. There isn't anything particularly special about you is there? Take a risk - put it out there. What is there to lose?

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