A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i just broke up a few days ago... he said that he doesn't want a relationship right now.he also said that he needs space and when we were in the relationship that i smothered him, and i didn't give him enough space. he said that we rushed into the relationship too, and i can see that because we were only talking for about a month.we have talked about it and we have decided that we are going to take a month of not talking then we will start talking again and hangout. we are going to work on our friendship at that point and get to know each other better. he promised me that he will start talking to me then after this month and that we will go to this concert at the end of october.he said that he still cares and loves me and he will be thinking about me everyday but i'm still worried that we won't end up talking after this month.by the way we agreed to take this month of because we think it will be for the better... it's just hard.my questions are:-since he promised i should believe him, right?-what are some things that i can do when we do start talking that can make that "spark" come back?-how can i make our friendship stronger?-how do i get him back?-should i act how i did when we first started talking?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Trust me, the best way to deal with this is to cut contact with him whether or not he comes back.
And while you wait for the month to be finished, do anything to get on with your life. I know a month is so short to be totally over him but I suggest for you not to wait for him anymore to come back and tell you his decision.
We cannot be sure 100% that he wont come back as 2 of our aunts here said so but think about it..trying to forget him and cutting contact will put you in a win-win situation. (If he comes back, you will not be that desperate..if he doesn't come back, atleast you have started to move on and wont end up hurting again and you will not end up the loser.)
We all know it will be a very difficult time for you (I have been there too), and even if you still want to get back with him...the no contact rule is still a one good way to make him realize about things.
Anyway, these are all our advises to you and you will have to decide what to do for yourself.
Good luck and be strong...
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 September 2009):
1. No, he may not come back. he might discover he is happier on his own. You should figure out if you are happy on your own too. Start the process of getting over him rather than obsessing and planning your every move. It will also help you be less clingy when you see him again as you'll be far more independent.
2. Be the person he fell for, be the cool girl he first met. You can't force a spark. If it's dead, it's just dead.
3. This is not a friendship, this is a relationship. You have to get to know eachother as boyfriend and girlfriend. That involves a lot of the stuff that you get in a friendship, but you have to know the difference. Spend time and talk to each other, don't let it all be just cuddles and kissing and being gooey. Do activities together.
4. Don't be the one that's constantly chasing. Live your own life. Be unavailable and that cool girl that he chased after the first time round. Also KNOW that you are not going to be clingy and will want your own space to carry on living your own life if you get him back.
5. Yes.
Just chill out and assume the worst is going to happen. Move on and get yourself sorted. You can't force him to have feelings for you and if it's not worked the first time, the chances are it's going to have many of the same problems the second time. Sorry.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 My advice is:I think you should try and get over him. There are many reason why I suggest this. What if he finds another girl and starts to have feelings for her during that month apart? What if he starts dating other girls or gets a new girlfriend? That would only hurt you and break your heart all over again.Also, what happens if he breaks his promise and ignores you after the month? Or he continues to talk to you but doesn't want a relationship...only wants to stay friends.Right now he is not interested in being in a relationship with you and I don't think he is going to change his mind after a month. It will be better for you to get over him now so that later on you will not have your heart broken. He doesn't know what he wants and it is cruel for you to wait for him when the most likely outcome is your heartbroken. I know it will be hard but take this month apart to get over him and move on. -since he promised i should believe him, right?Don't get your hopes up and go thinking that after a month everything will be fine again and you will be his gf once more. He will probably keep his promise but there is still a chance he won't. Try not to let this affect you so much.-what are some things that i can do when we do start talking that can make that "spark" come back?Wait til the month is over then figure out what he wants. If he wants to try again take it very slow but if he just wants to stay friends you are going to have to accept that.-how can i make our friendship stronger?Get to know him. Find out what his needs and wants are. Be supportive and spend time with him.-how do i get him back?I am sorry to say that you might not get him back. Wait the month out, try to get over him in the meantime, and when it is over figure out what he wants. The most likely outcome is that he will not take you back as his gf.-should i act how i did when we first started talking?no, you two are not strangers. But talk to him like a friend to you figure out what he wants.Honestly, I think you deserve better then someone who will make you wait a month to see if it will work out. I am hoping you will get over him and you won't be dependent on him emotionally. Would you be able to handle being his friend if he had a new girlfriend?Good Luck! message me if you want to talk
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