A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Dearcupid,I'm a guy at the age of 24, still single, still obviously a virgin and needed some help on how to improve my one chances of finding love. I should maybe tell a bit about my past so that you get a bit of better information about me as a person.Warning: Wall of text!I moved to Sweden about 13 years ago (Loving the country) from Germany, which in turn led to myself being bullied in school for approximately 6 years (you know germanys past in case you wonder what I was being bullied for..). This left me with a deep emotional scar and some trust issues towards other people, though I pretty much have come over this at this point. The bullying first stopped when my family (divorced though that had no impact on me), moved to southern Sweden, were people would not judge me by where I was from.I still had major trust issues at this stage, which prevented me from befriending any people, as I feared that they would stab me in the back if I trusted them. This inturn led to me being rather isolated after school, spending time with games rather going out and party hard.Now that this is out of the way, on to my problem. I just can't find someone, It's not that I have issues with myself, like confidence or such. In fact I've been jokingly called a "partial narcisst" by my old German childhood friends, which is somewhat true, though I don't see me as superioer, I just lack empathy towards pretty much anybody I don't know.I love myself for who I am, seeing as if someone has a problem with who I am, it would be their problem not mine, and I have a pretty good confidence in myself. Also I do have a, if I may say so myself, a very good humor. I can basically laugh at anything, and generally get along well with people I meet, though I have a hard time making friends, seeing as I currently don't have any where I live.I would not call myself a "nice guy", even though I love to help people, who I find sympathatic, if they need support or someone to talk to (funny huh, even though I'm to some degree a narcisst), seeing as I'm not trying to be nice to woman just to get in their pants.My looks are average, still fighting with some acne sadly (neck and upper back primarily), and bit to much weight, which soon will change as I'll soon be going to the gym to lose some weight, there's a dance I want to learn and I need to lose some weight for that. Maybe I have a boring personality? I used to be quite shy, but I'm working on that. I like discussing stuff, though I have a hard time keeping a casual conversation alive. Generally a very respectfull person who doesn't judge anyone by appearance, but rather by their personality and who accepts a no as a no and won't try to convince someone.Maybe a good thing to add: I work as a Chef, got my own nice apartment, dress well, keeping myself clean, don't smoke and drinking rarely. The frustration of not having a girlfriend and not even having any past experience is really getting me down, makes me want to cry, which happens sometimes after having a dream where I have what I'm currently missing.Hope some of you guys got some tips for me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 November 2013):
 Learn to socialize and make friends. Eye contact. Opening up. Letting people get to know you. You first have to mangage that. Next you will need to work on your social antennas and learn how to flirt. Smile. Eye contact, open up. Take the risk of getting your heart broken. You sound like you have all your defences up. Which makes sense, if you are 10 years old and being bullied. But youre not. You are 24, and not bullied any more. You need to adjust. Thats the only way to get a girlfriend unless she falls out of the sky and lands on your head.
Take an interest in getting to know a woman. Imagine her as your girlfriend. This will help you figure out what kind of person you are lookibg for.
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