A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need some advice about my boyfriend's difficulty in ejaculating please. We've been together 6 months and everything is great :) But, when we have sex, although he gets an erection easily, he has difficulties actually ejaculating, so we often stop intercourse as we're both tired, but he hasn't orgasmed, and sometimes I haven't either. He's usually still hard at that point. This is not a big problem for me, I love him, trust him, and love being physically intimate (kissing, cuddles not necessarily leading to sex) with him. And I love our sex life. But I would like it if he orgasmed :( I sometimes worry it's my fault, like I'm not attractive enough?Anyway, a few weeks ago, I spoke to him about it. I told him he makes me feel amazing in bed, and that I want to make him feel that good too. He said that I do, but that he just sometimes doesn't ejaculate. He said sometimes it's 'cos he's worrying about whether he's turning me on enough. I told him he always does (he really really does :)) ) but that I'd like to have the same effect on him. He then said he gets turned on if he knows he's made me orgasm. He then got upset and said an ex-gf from years ago had cheated on him and told him he was rubbish in bed :(I reassured him that he is great in bed (which he is) and that it is no big deal for me as long as he's enjoying himself. I also suggested maybe taking things slow, not necessarily having intercourse, or me concentrating on pleasuring him, but he's not keen to try these things 'cos he says he gets turned on by turning me on.I know he also looks at porn from time to time, and the times when he has ejaculated have usually been after he hasn't had access to the internet (therefore pron) for a few days.Anyway, I'm feeling a little stuck. I don't want to put him under pressure, but I'd love to make him orgasm/ejaculate when we're together. I haven't mentioned this again since, and we've had sex several times, and everything else is going great :)If anyone has any tips/advice on how to help him overcome this, I'd be so grateful. Thanks :)
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male
reader, zcgby678 +, writes (13 May 2011):
The problem might just be mechanical. I had the same problem with a girl. I have an average penis (6.8inches) unfortunately she had a loose vagina. No matter how hard i banged, there was nothing coming out. She started doing ridiculous amounts of kegal exercise...and boom! it worked for us.
If it is an emotional or psychological block, then it is harder to fix it. Good luck to you guys.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): This relationship is still new and he may still be getting used to your body. Ill tell you right now, the porn isnt helping. He may be used to that sort of stimulation now and he needs to break free of it so he can put all his attention and love into you. You deserve that. Kindly bring that up with him and tell him how much itd mean to your relationship if he just focused on you and enjoyed your body. Hope this helps :)
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 If he is able to cum after abstaining from porn, then I suspect he has been masterbating to the porn on a regular basis, which is why he isn't able to cum again with you.
So there's his answer, save it for you or not. I say his answer because I have a feeling he already knows that this is what has been causing the problem and he is choosing to continue doing it anyway. Whether you can live with that or not is up to you...
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A
male
reader, Sparta +, writes (13 May 2011):
 If he says he gets turned on by turning you on then that is great. He says he's always thinking about if he's doing well enough for you. Are you vocal in bed? Do you tell him as you are doing the deed how much he is driving you crazy? Try talking dirty to him; use naughty words about how much he is turning you on. This may push him over that bridge to the (OOHHHH YEAH) moment haha. He seems as though his last relationship with that women made him feel a tad insecure. But apparently its not hurting his erection = good thing. Just try making sure at that moment while you two are together that you are letting him know exactly what you are feeling at the time. If you already do this; then all I can say is this is his mental bump. Hope this is helpful :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): This happened to me with the first 3 partners I was with in my late teens. I got so caught up in being a cassanova with my moves and moans, that I didn't focus on getting off too. It just comes down to familiarity and focus. He is overly conscious of your needs (maybe not a bad thing in itself) and it is messing with his own rythm and sense of sexuality. And then the not cumming itself becomes a self fulfilling downward spiral and drop in confidence. What got me over it was letting go of my own performance and getting a little "greedy" in my thoughts during sex. Find out what makes him utterly horny, and let him do that, or ask him to. The porn he looks at might help...better yet, ask him what really turns him on...might be your breasts, mouth, things you say or a certain position that feels great and hits your spots too. I know in my case, I wanted to try anal, and I pictured myself doing my GF from behind in the arse. put me over the edge and it was never a problem after that.
It's great he is focused on your pleasure. From what I hear, most guys aren't. But at least for now, try to get him to be a little more selfish in bed so it stirrs the feelings and thoughts that put him over the edge. It WILL get better as time goes on and as he gets more familiar with you.
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