A
female
age
41-50,
*illian1210
writes:I am in a relationship and my boyfriend is still married. He is separated for over a year and going through with his divorce. I just need to know what I can do to help him with all this and should I be at all. We together as a team at everything we do. I love him and he loves me. The wife is a pain in my butt lol. She recently just cant stop herself from texting him about the final decree of divorce. She cheated on him and, no, I am not the rebound and he was ready far before I became involved. I just want to make sure I am helping not hurting our relationship???
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female
reader, lory  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 No. you dont need to help him in anything. This is his case.. His problem about this matter is none of your business. Yes you love him, but you must love your self too... Good luck there...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2011):
 I agree you can't help him. He has to do this himself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): Don't get mixed up in this. I was in a similar situation as you. It took my partner 5 years to get over it. I now feel worn out from having provided so much support.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): I'm with RedAthena. In fact if he's still married and it's been just over a year then it is really too soon to launch into a new relationship. And it's not fair to you for him to bring all this baggage to the table.
Do NOT get involved. You're his solace away from the divorce so maintain a lighthearted detachment from the proceedings. It's HIS mess to sort out. That means he makes his own phone calls, sends his own faxes and emails, and does his own research. Do not lift a finger. And do not allow your time together to be monopolized with this. He can express whatever frustration he has, but don't get roped into daily discussions about it.
And do not make any further commitments to him or this relationship. You may end up having to walk away and it will be that much harder the more of yourself you invest.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (9 July 2011):
 It is HIS divorce, let him handle the drama and stay out of it. Even if he is over it, he may have feelings he still has to process through.
Just live your life and be yourself.
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