A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a guy friend whose been my best guy friend for almost all my life. We talk on the phone we talk about life, were just really close. Recently hes wanted to break up with his current girlfriend he told me things werent working out so i tried to be there for him, the problem is i dont think he knows how to break-up and stick with it.He broke up with her face to face about a week ago, since then she has been in denial saying she just wanted it to work out so bad she goes over to his house and gets her "stuff". Just a couple days ago she came by to say she needed the "final" stuff out of his car. I guess this is her way of trying to stick around?He said he is trying to stand firm but there is only so much ignoring you can do and saying no to a person because when he does try to ignore her she will keep calling say she needs to stop by and if he ignores it or says no then she hates him and calls him all kinds of names, (the break-up has really hurt his self-esteem) He doesnt want her to hate him so he tries being nice to her, they still maintain contact and she still comes over and they keep "casually" hanging out. I told him he can not do this and its only going to hurt both parties more, but he doesnt listen.Just yesterday he said how he wants to get his life together and that he wants to find himself again and that this past year has really taken a tole on him and that he wants to love himself before he can truely love someone else. I think he knows he is lost right now, needless to say today she wrote on his facebook she loves him and he added her back to his facebook and they were hanging out all day.My fear is that she is only hurting him, he doesnt know how to remain strong because he is mentally weak right now so he is just staying with her so he doesnt have to deal with her hating him, i can see the stress hes been dealing with, hes been drinking, he drinks when hes with her, hes trying to find himself again and be the fun, loving person he used to be. But her denail of the break-up and her always wanting to stop by is prolonging things for him. I know it takes a little while to break up with someone.So i guess my question is can you break-up with someone and have a process where you still see eachother, still act like everything is fine, but things usually end in arguments bcuz their is already tension, the other person still says they love you, and you try to be nice, Is there a period of time that that goes on and then finally something happens where you want to break-up for good with no contact?Ive tried everything to help him, but it seems like every couple of days its back and forth bcuz the other party wont give it up, I just want to know if this type of the thing is normal, and he will eventually stand his ground?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell now everything has gone down hill. She knows im his best friend so she called me just yest and asked me about him and another girl. He stays at house sometimes cuz he is like family and he brought another girl over. And his girlfriend suspected it, so she asked me i told her that wasnt my business to tell and that he would tell her what he wanted.
She was begging and pleading and crying and saying she felt stupid, and i told her the truth.
Now he hates me wants nothing to do with me, i told him that i care about him so much and i couldnt believe he was chosing a girlfriend over me, he said we should never speak again and that i ruined his whole life. And he is nothing without her (this isnt the girl he brought over its his girlfriend he is cheating on)
So now he wants to get back together with her and she is okay with him cheating, but now he is out of life my life. Im heartbroken now ive lost my bestfriend..we would stay up all nite talking on the phone..id call him if something excited happened, he called me to tell about his new job and how it went. We are really close we talk about everything relationships, he is closer to me then any of my girlfriends, he looks out for me with guys, everything. I texted him saying i cant believe he would do this over a girl and he said he said he was just so hurt by me and he'll never forgive me, hes so unhappy and i wish he would try not to use relationships for fill a void.
Part of it is because a very long time ago we tried dating and everything was good he was my best friend and my boyfriend but i decided i wanted to be with another guy. Ever since then he has been running around with girls drinking and smoking. Its like he cant be with me so he is trying to fill something.
But now he hates me and his girlfriend texting me and said never text his phone again. and he hasnt said anything to me since last nite when he said we cant talk anymore hes know ill get through it cuz im strong. So now i changed my number and he doesnt have it cuz i just need a new start i care about him so much and i cant believe he did this over a girl. Im heartbroken, and dont know if he'll ever be back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, im really trying to just help out my friend thanks.
trancedrhythmear- what do you mean game playing by her coming over?
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you want your friend to break up with his girlfriend because you like him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): It sounds a little game playing going on with her coming over and getting her stuff. anyways,
to answer your question, I think there can be a process where two people can casually hang out even tho they were together. Those relationships I find, often end on good notes however, and nothing sour. In my experience, I cut both my ex's out of my life by blocking their phones, facebook, email, etc. because I think its best someone looks out for their own personal well being and doesnt get sucked back in. This girl sounds like she may be saying anything to "save" the relationship in this case she says she loves him. Wait and see if her actions follow her words. If she's ingenuine, Id advise the gentlemen to appropriately break up with her. all the best.
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