A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok so where to begin, i have been dating my boyfriend for a little over three years now. We began dating when i was in high school, but at that time i was not really allowed to date so i would only see once a week. It was like that for about a year. When i began my freshman year in college, i was seeing him all the time. We were inseparable! i practically lived with the guy, i would spend about everynite with him instead of staying at the dorm. Life was great. Well as time passed i realized that i was getting tired of seeing him everyday. Well we talked about but i really dont think he understands me. I love him, i do but im not sure if i love him the way i used to. Well about a year ago, i met this guy and well i guess i let myself get close to him. I honestly dont know why i let it happen it just did. Well we started talking and he got my number and he started texting me like crazy and i would respond. I told my boyfriend about us talking a lot, and he warned me that he will start liking me and will want more, but i didnt really believe it cuz he was trying to get with someone at the time. We became real good friends and then he started showing signs that he liked me through text and when we would hang out. Well this is when me and my boyfriend started having problems because he said i was spending way too much time with him but for some reason i couldnt stay away. Well the guy knew i was with someone but he still really liked me. Well wen my boyfriend was out of town one weekend he took me out as a valentine treat and well he kissed me and i kissed back. At that time i couldnt think of anything but him but when i snapped out of it all i could think of was my boyfriend. I knew i had done wrong but i told him anyways. He was pissed of course and he asked if i had feelings for the guy, and at the time i didnt, so he just said he will do watever to forget about it, but to this day he still throws it in my face. Well he told me to have absolutely no contact with this guy, but no matter how hard i try, i cant stop talking to him. I think i like him still and i have no clue how to get over it. I love my boyfriend. he has been there for me through so much, but now i just dont know. Well a few weeks after the incident the guy got with a another girl, and she is pregnant, but it is not his child. He confessed to me that the only reason he got with her was because he knew he could never be with me because he says i'll never leave my boyfriend. So now i dont really know wat to do. I think of him all the time. It saddens me to think of hurting my boyfriend just so i can try something, and hurting his pregnant girlfriend. What should i do. I obviously cannot get between him and the baby he promised would be there for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate, it has been 7 years since I wrote this. My boyfriend then is now my husband and father of my little girl. It's amazing to look back and read how immature my thoughts and actions were as a young girl, but I'm glad with the way things turned out. After reading the anonymous reply, I quickly realized the position I had placed myself in. I stopped all communication with the other guy and focused on my relationship with my now husband. We obviously haven't had a perfect relationship, and although my actions led to a bump in our relationship, we were able to work it out. I love my husband, and I'm glad for your "harsh" but honest reply.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice, it really does help and allows me to think about it. O and the baby belongs to some guy that is in prison.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): well, i think right now you cant have the best of both worlds. you cant remain friends with the other guy n keep your boyfriend.
there's no point sounding nice n all now because you've hurt your boyfriend. but you've been brave n honest with him so far and you did not sleep with the other guy so that's a huge plus so far.
further contact with the other guy will only cause you to like him n think abt him more while causing further strain on your relationship with your boyfriend.
think abt it carefully, n if you think that your relationship with your boyfriend is more valuable than this other guy, cease contact with the other guy completely. if you say you love someone, you must be responsible for the things you say. if you decide to work hard with your boyfriend, show him that you love him n that you're willign to give up someone you have feelings for to work it out with him.
shld you decide to forgo your relationship with your boyfriend, just note that he'll probably be extremely hurt n angry n might choose never to speak with you again. it's a consequence of your choice.
so choose.
my take is you're young n brash, you've not been responsible enough to avoid this situation even though you could sense it coming. you'll probably not be strong enough to cease contact with the other guy n strain your relationship with your boyfriend further while liking the other guy further.
pls pardon my frankness n judgment but i hope you prove me wrong. if you dont wanna hurt the pple you've mentioned in closing. then dont hurt them.
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (17 July 2009):
 What you should do is what you feel is best for you.You can`t have your cake and eat it too so you need to decide which guy is better for you.Out of curiosity who`s baby is it anyway? I think you would probably be better off staying with the guy your with and breaking off all contact with the other guy.But if you really feel you can have a better life with the other guy then maybe you should give it a shot.Relationships wan and ebb.Maybe it`s time to discuss things with your boy friend.Try to think of ways to liven up your relationship.You can give your heart to whom ever you choose and yet for some reason you have backed away from your boy friend.Look in your heart for why this has happened and don`t settle for I don`t know.There is a reason and only you can find it.Once you know why then maybe you can work to fix the problem.You have been together a while,and this guy is good to you.It would be a real shame to throw that all away for some unknown element.
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