A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey guys. its a bit long, but heres the issue. its quite personal so please be serious and give some good advice. im 17, i have never had any sexual experience, mainly because iv never had a serious boyfriend. obviously iv kissed guys, but nothing really further. i think iv come up with a reason though. im not fat, per say, but im not skinny. about a size 14, and i hate hate hate my body. i have never been comfortable in my own skin, and im worried that when i meet someone i like, i will be too afraid to take part in it all because i wont want him to see my body. also because im bigger, im very self conscious about my "area down there". im worried that this will stop my chances of having a happy relationship, and iv met someone i like, and even though its early days this is already playing on my mind. thing is, im not frigid, i really want to do this stuff (when im in a relationship obviously not just with anyone) but im so self conscious. so any ideas on how to get over this? lastly, pleaseee dont say that "when i meet the right guy i wont care" because i dont believe thats true, and iv met other guys who i thought were "right" but i still felt too scared. also please dont tell me to diet because whilst i would like to start dieting, this is more about how to learn to feel comfortable in my own skin. im not trying to be rude, its just that this is the sort of thing i'v already heard, so im looking for a new way of approaching it. also, this isnt just about sex itself, but all the other stuff before it, like foreplay etc. thanks :)
View related questions:
foreplay, frigid Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): I was in the same boat as you, but much older. I'm 28. For the past 10 years I have hated my body. I was fat, and not pretty, and no body liked me - that's what I would tell myself, so I didn't date. At all. 28 and a virgin is not fun. Slowly, I started to lose weight (from a size 18 to a 12), and started to realize that all that other stuff was in my mind - a way for me to isolate myself from the rest of the world. I would tell myself that no one would want to date me, so there was no point in trying. There is no one way for you to be happier in your body. You need to figure out why you aren't first... is it a weight thing? Is it a birthmark you don't like? Have you had people tell you that you aren't pretty? There are a million things out there that can bring a girl down these days, and you need to figure out that is so you can make some changes.I started to feel more confident in myself... losing the weight was my first step - not saying you need to, but that was what I needed to to start feeling better about myself. It got me to start taking better care of myself - being more hygenic, buying clothes that looked good on me, doing my hair nicer... I found in doing these little things that I started to like myself again. After 10 years of not, it was a lot to take in. But now I'm seeing a guy, and while I'm not perfect - I still jiggle, I have fat where I don't want it - but I'm happier with me, and he could care less. And having sex for the first time is super scary. It's something you have never done before, so you have no idea what to expect. You want it to be prefect, but it won't be. You will be in a funny position, you will laugh and make funny noises and faces. If he cares about you, then he should know it's your first time, and will hopefully take extra care to make it a better experience for you. Hope that helps!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): Skinny chicks dont do it every man. They dont appeal to me . Thats why i dont go out with many supermodels. I prefer a real women. Not a bag of bones. The media has a lot to answer for IMO. You said "when i meet the right guy i wont care" Well i would say that "when you meet the right guy HE wont care if your not page three material. And may be just as concerned about his own body.
You would not believe how obssesed some men get with the size off their own penis. Even other mens. Not in a gay kind of way. A group of men watching a porn film together will make more comments about mans girth and length than the they about the women bodies. Most women dont care as long as its functional(or are kind enough to say that ).
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): cheers guys.. iv struggled alot with body image and stuff, parents even thought i had Body Dysmorphic Disorder, it stopped me going out and stuff.. so i duno how much this will help but im willing to try it out. thanks again :)
...............................
A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (21 October 2009):
 Hi there, theres no reason to go on a diet when your a size 14 anyway, so that's not the answer.I reckon the best way to feel better about your body is to pamper it. Lovely body lotions and scrubs,get a great haircut a new wardrobe. Take pride in looking the very best you can. When the compliments start coming in, that'll give you a much needed ego boost!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): thanks guys. satindesire, i get what you're saying, but how do i become comfortable with myself? :(
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): if you want sex with this 'right' guy you like. then go for it. make sure you use protection though. i no im only 12 yearss old but i think i can actually help. if your scared that your to big and you hate your body. it might matter to you but it wont matter to the guy you like. if he loves you back then he wont really mind. he loves youu for who you are, not what you look like. ;) please try my advice thankss
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2009):
You may care when you meet the right guy, I'm sure you will. You sound perfectly normal to me though. I'm sure just about every woman worries about it. But you can take this from a male, that when we like a woman, WE LIKE HER. The guy will like you :). You need to face yourself and your past and ask yourself why you feel this way. Have people been unkind to you? Because more than anything, guys like a woman to be confident with herself and happy. There's not all that much to men. Start loving yourself more and really think about why you feel like this. When the right guy comes along, he'll like you as you are, because you are who he will fall in love with. Not someone else.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2009):
You may care when you meet the right guy, I'm sure you will. You sound perfectly normal to me though. I'm sure just about every woman worries about it. But you can take this from a male, that when we like a woman
...............................
|
