A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Please help, I am open to any suggestions, I will try and keep it brief. My husband met up with his two half sister's from his dad's side of the family at his dad's funeral recently, he never really knew them at all in fact sheila he never lived with and the other one cynthia, he lived with for a year at most, they all had very bad upbringings, especially my h who was physically abused by firstly sheila's mom, then cynthia's mom,and his own dad, so this left him insecure and he had no confidence, he is now in his 50's, he has other sister's from his mom's side who he was brought up with. Since the funeral he is on a mission to keep in touch with his new found half sister's, ignoring his other sister's in the process, he does ring sheila from time to time, let's say once a week, but the other one, he has seemingly has developed an obsession for, he text's her up to 4 or 5 times a day, and has now started to ring her up, it's a good job she doesn't live near him otherwise he would be banging her door down, she is married with 1 child, and seems to be happy enough. Here is where the problem lies, he has been hiding some of the text messages from me because he knows that my problem is not with cynthia I do like her, but it is his behaviour about her that I am beginning to not be able to tolerate, he cannot stop speaking her, constantly, it's cynthia this and cynthia that and how lovely she is, how intelligent and how well she has done for herself after humble beginnings, and he explained to me that he does have feelings for her he wants to cuddle her, he said it is different from the feelings he has for me as the one's for cynthia are not sexual, do I believe him when he turns on me and defends her even though I have not ever said a word against her, the other evening we were talking and he said to me "just stop this aggression towards cynthia will you" I explained that I had not been aggressive towards cynthia, but that he was and has been acting like a love sick schoolboy for the last 7 weeks, he speaks about her to anybody and everybody who will listen to him. In another 7 weeks time we are all meeting up for a w/e at the races, cynthia and her h and son, sheila and her partner and kids and a few others who I don't know, somehow or other I got sucked into agreeing to stay in the same rented accomodation with cynthia and her family, I really do not want to stay in such close proximity with people I don't know, I only met them for a few hours at a funeral when I tell my h how I feel he replies with, my feelings don't matter, it's his dad that has died and it's his feelings and wants that matter, in my opinion he is not grieving for his dad who he admits he could not stand anyway, he is besotted with and wants to spend as much time with cynthia, he has shut me out emotionally just cannot stop speaking about her and how he cannot wait to spend that w/e together, he is so fixed on that w/e that nothing else matters, he says that he has a bond with cynthia as they were "brought up" together, what a laugh, a year at the most they spent together and she can't even remember it as she is 10 years younger than he is, he says she feels like his sister and I cannot say anything about it being about anything else, but he is constantly thinking about her, he gets up in the early hours as he cannot sleep and he starts texting her then, for her part she does not seem to mind,.So do I do nothing and hope that it, whatever it is fizzles out, or that she may get sick of his needy ways, he tells her he loves her and her kiddie who he has never met, he gives her compliments, does this sound like brotherly feelings coz I don't think so.My question is not what I should tell him what I want him to do, but more like for me and how do I handle it, we have already had major bust up's over it and he has said that he won't stop no matter what, he is driven with feelings for her, he really is taking our marriage of many years to the brink, and do you readers think it will get any better after the w/e spent with her or do you think it will just fuel him more, I mean let's face the truth here and that is he does not know her at all, she was about 2 when he lived there with them, and then he left, but he will not hear that he may not even like her when he gets to know her, so please help me how to deal with it, as it has gotten worse over the last few weeks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): although your husband is displaying signs of having a crush, remember that emotions are all skewered at times like this. He feels a connection and a longing to be connected. Try to ride it out and i think it will settle into something less intense...but be sure that your response could drive him to make stupid choices at a time that he is very vulnerable. Dont force anything right now, you'll regret it. mal
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Your husband has a full blown crush on this half-sister. As long as she keeps responding to his texts and calls this crush will not be able to take it's normal course which is to fade into the twilight. I'm sorry you have to go to this little reunion in 7 weeks and actually stay with the object of his infatuation. Perhaps her husband will step in and tell your husband to knock it off and act his age. You can only hope. Try to remain cool, let him embarass himself not you.
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