A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a conundrum!So I am planning a destination wedding. Mostly to weed out a lot of family members I have no close relation too. This way it will be simple, relaxed, and a nice time with people I care about and care about me.I recently was talking with a school friend who I have been becoming close to - known for about a year. She and her husband are lovely people and we hang occasionally. Naturally we talked about my wedding plans and I said how anyone who was interested to come was welcomed (with the philosophy that whoever wants to be there will be there cause they want to be) and that we held no obligations to anyone because we understood not everyone could come. So i verbally extended an invite to her and her husband.Feeling pretty good about it... I later started to think perhaps this was awkward to do? Maybe she felt like we didn't know each other enough to be inviting her to my wedding... Especially since it will be the few closest family members attending and one friend of mine from childhood.Then my fiance started to tell me how he felt it was weird (and i really should have talked to him about it first). Especially since he is not inviting any of his closest friends.I feel like I really messed up and I don't know how to deal with this now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2016): OP Here
Hi thank you! My fiance is not terribly annoyed about it and he even told me not to worry about uninviting them just thought it was a tad weird. I feel so stupidddd I just got carried away...
I think you are right though, if they come they really wanted to be there which is great! and if not, no harm done!!
:)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 Yes, you should have asked your fiance' first . But no big deal. First, there no such thing like a casual wedding invitation, unless you elope to Vegas and pick up some fellow gamblers at the casino. I think most people is wise enough to know not to show up to a wedding in lack of a proper written invitation, or at the very least of an official follow up phone call to confirm. Second, I doubt that a couple at the not so deep level of closeness you have ( nice people you hang out with occasionally, not even friends ) would really go through all the expenses and trouble to partecipate in a destination wedding.
I get the feeling that, if they have accepted there and then, spur of the moment, and/or maybe a little taken aback .... they'll decline graciously as soon as they have found a polite excuse for not coming.
And what if they don't ?... Well, as you say : if they don't, - this means that they really wanted to be there , and they really value a lot your friendship and your invitation- so they DESERVE to be your guests :).
So, personally I would not un-invite them, what is done is done . If your fiance' is very annoyed and very sanguine about it, I guess that technically you could un-invite them saying that you are terribly sorry but there was a miscalculation, since the location / catering / wedding plan /whatever, really really does not allow for more than X persons ( ... and they would be X plus 2 ) , but if possible I would spare myself, and them, this embarassing procedure . How terrible can it be to have TWO extra guests in the greater scheme of things ?....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 January 2016):
Your fiance is right though, it's always a good idea to clear things like WHOM to invite to your wedding before "casually" inviting someone.
Is there any chance they will show up? Have you discussed it further with her?
If not and your hubby wants you to "un-invite them" then you NEED to take the bull by the horns and talk to her.
Personally though, I'd let it go, specially if there hasn't been any further discussion between you and her about the wedding.
If there HAS been talk, then you need to either re-negotiate the "list" with the fiance OR call her and let her know that you got carried away with the invitation.
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