A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would like to ask for a friendly advice. Ever since I was a child, my older sister ( I have only one older sister and she is 8 years older than me) has always been very mean towards me. Picking on me, saying mean words and she has never treated me kind as a child infront of other people. As we grew older, and I started to be an independent girl, I realized how different we were from eachother. I am more of a calm in nature girl where as she is all over the place. I have a very calm personality and I can´t be friends with everyone, but I give everyone a benefit of doubt when I first start to talk to them, I am very gentle and like to get to know people but I don´t call everyone my friend, whereas my sister has always been "outgoing" and "friendly", speaking very loudly etc. We are very much the opposite of each other. As I came to realize these differences, I started to understand that she had a very dominating personality, always wanting to be in center of attention, she gets jealous easily and whenever I get the slightest bit of attention, she starts to act weird and almost goes to the edge only to get what she wants- attention. Me and her had a mutual friend once, and me and this so called friend "Sara" liked each other´s company, but I was very much my own person and never like my sister when us three hung around. My sister has always done everything to be in center of the room, and that has somehow made me come in 2nd place, because I have felt it has been hard to have my own voice whenever she was around. She has been giving me looks whenever I talk as if what I say is "wrong" and that has subconsciously always made me feel a bit insecure when talking to people when she is there. Back to this friend Sara. Me and Sara were friends, and she is around my age, but as soon as my sister came in to the picture, I started to feel that them two became closer friends and left me outside their circle. Whenever I was around, Sara never talked to me directly, she always looked at my sister and talked and they had their inside jokes, basically making me not feel welcomed. I told my sister how I felt, and she didn´t want to understand, instead she critisized me for being "weird" and not having "social skills".First of all, I have a great personality, I am very caring as a person, and I am a person-reader, I can tell a lot about people and see through situations faster than most people in my surroundings. I have extremely good manners and my social skills are just fine. But what happened was that Sara started to act very rude towards me, basically showing clearly that she didn´t like me despite me being very kind to her. This made me feel frustrated and I confronted her with it, but she involved my sister and my sister took her side over mine. This happened several years ago, but I still get angry thinking about how wrong the entire situation was. It was so unfair. I didn´t talk to my sister for a long time after that, but eventually I took the step and started to talk to her again without her really making any effort about it. As time passed by, I grew a thicker skin around my sister, and started to take a stand against her, basically not taking her B.S which only made her more aggressive towards me, finding the smallest things to fight me with.She has always wanted to controll me and make me do what she says, act like she does, but I have never given in to her games or character. I have always been my own person.I never stopped standing my ground, and I still am fighting for me and myself, but it gets tiring seeing girly-girl dramas thrown at me when I haven´t even done anything to deserve them. Years have gone by and me and Sara are talking, but I am never letting her in as I used to, and them two are still acting the same around me, but I try to make my voice heard as much as possible without having that "fear of saying something wrong" shadow over me. No matter what looks my sister gives me or what she says. The problem is, that there is this other girl doing the exact same thing to me, but in a much aggresive form. It is clear that she is very jealous of me, despite her having a loving husband and people around her caring for her. She is constantly dragging my sister´s attention and never talks to me when she is around me and my sister, she "includes" my sister in conversations but not me - it´s SO childish and ridicilous, but it bothers me because I think: how dare she, and how dare my sister once again accept such thing. I feel that my sister enjoys these type of attentions and these attentions are not really for her, but to make me "upset". These girls "Sara" and this other one are the kind of girls that are full of drama, they gossip, they talk very loud, basically very similar to my sister and are all over the place, whereas I am the very opposite. I know she is jealous too. But I don´t know how to handle these kind of girls anymore. You may think I am being dramatic and misunderstand me, but this is more detailed than what I am laying out there for you guys to read. What bothers me is how my sister can be ok with these girls being this way towards me and how she can value their "friendship" over our sister-bond. And how dare these girls think they can treat me this way?I know I must be doing something wrong too, that they are, especially this last girl, still continuing with their childish behavoiours towards me.It bothers me, because they don´t have the right to treat me this way. It´s very easy, if you don´t like me, don´t pretend to be my "friend" and don´t even bother saying hi to me just to be "diplomatic" or "nice" in other peoples eyes.. If I have done anything to deserve this, then they must be upfront and not play games. But they are only playing games. And what´s funny /ironic is that these two girls don´t like each other but they fight over my sisters attention. Its ridicilous. I wouldn´t want to even get involved because then my sister would think I am jealous of her, but I won´t allow them to walk all over me. I hate two-faced people and I am surrounded by them and I can´t help but to feel that they get the strength to be this way towards me because of my sister. Had she not treated me as an "outsider" I doubt these girls would find the courage to try to even treat me this way. But it keeps continuing. First Sara, and now this other girl, and frankly I want it to stop. I don´t know what it is they are jealous about, but I know they are filled with lots of complexes. I have a very beautiful appearance and I get a lot of attention from people because of my calm personality and good looks, but I have never ever allowed my looks overshadow my character and moral values. I have always been very caring as a person and really thought the best of people. These two girls, and my sister included, are the kind of girls that love to talk simply to talk, and unfortuneatly there are one too many girls like that around me, which is why I am basically very alone and rarely keep these girls company. What I am asking for is, how to handle these girls when they treat me bad. I don´t want, and never will confront them because that, as experience has taught me, will only lead to them being validated and they will only make things worse by twisting on my intention for seeking out to them first place. But what should I do? Please read this as if you were a very good friend helping me out with something that has bothered me for decades. I really hate girl-drama, and I get much better along with guys, but I need to know what I can do to not feel sad because of these girls. It was as early as couple of hours ago that this last girl treated me badly again. I told my sister and she didn´t even bother to respond. She just changed the subject, and I felt stupid for confining in her when I should be dealing with this on my own. But the problem is, their ugly behaviours gets to me and I get frustrated, not knowing what to do.Thanks in advance, I´ll appreciate all kinds of advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): Why do you return to the women in your life who give you so much pain, and treat you so badly? Your life seems centered around trying to make these particular women like you. Not hearing but one side, yours, we can't tell you how to make them stop. You say your sister is the ring-leader, so get as far away from her as you can. You can't change her. She is making it abundantly clear she doesn't want to get along.
It's a little difficult to advise you, if you believe 99% of the women in your area are way too dramatic. You are convinced everyone of them dislikes you for your looks and because you try to be nice. I've read your posts carefully and looked for some clues. I think perhaps you might find some answers through professional-counseling.
It would help a lot to stay away from the particular three women who are ganging up on you. Returning to them time and time again to place yourself in harm's way is causing you a great deal of distress. Remove yourself from their abuse, first and foremost. It's time to talk to a therapist or counselor. I think there is more here than our unprofessional advice can help you to resolve.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHonestly,
It is more than you guys can imagine.
No I am not a mother Theresa or trying to act all angelic. I have my flaws, but let me put it this way:
My flaws when put to the surface is being so hacked upon, I am being so much hacked upon as soon as I do one mistake whereas these girls constantly trash talk constantly make mistakes bigger than mine but they all hack on me for some reason..
I am not that naive to think I can´t do anything about it - of course I can, of course I know that I can. I just want to sort of meditate around one thought and idea whenever I feel they are gathering and hacking on me..
I would never come here and ask for advice unless it actually was that extreme so I´d appreciate if you guys understood that instead of trying to belittle my problem.
Try to consider a bit before you decide to reply.
Secondly, I have never, ever, ever relied on my looks. Yes, I am darn beautiful and yes I sense it apparently makes people uncomfortable whenever I write it here, but my point is to tell you what the deal is. When I say that my looks and personality combined is a darn threat to these girls, I base it on how they treat me, on the looks they give me, on how they ACT around me..
My own sister is this way with me.. She is much older, but she acts as if she is 5 and is very immature, and her behavior is something that opens doors for these girls - they think " well if your sister does it then so can we" and no they can´t.. No one can..
But it hurts me that they are so "vindictive" and basically evil, pure jealous.. No descent girl ever trash talks another for no reason..
You guys keep saying " maybe it is the way you talk, maybe you don´t realize how you come out as" etc etc.. But listen to yourselves.. Does anyone have the right to treat you bad and actually almost bully you for no reason??
Yes, for no reason. I have never ever trash talked any of these girls, even when I´ve heard them say mean things about me. Even when these girls trash talk each other I never bug in and they know they can´t convince me..
I am for now staying out of their circle of friends and even avoiding my own sister. As early as today she hurt me over another girls situation and I had not even done anything.
What happened was that ( since I am avoiding to hang out with them all) this girl had asked my sister for a favor and not me, and my sister had asked me if I wanted to help out some days ago and I said no ( my reason for saying no is because this girl had previously hurt me a lot and I have always been careful not letting her take advantage of me) but today my sister started to verbally hack on me, and I stood my grounds, I didn´t fall for her tricks. But I know that even if I had done that favor, it wouldn´t have been enough for either of them..
Just some days ago this girl was invited over to my sisters house and I was being very polite and cleaning up after them all without asking for help and my sister saw how I tried, but as soon as I say no to this favor, hell breaks lose..
And it shouldn´t be that way. It shouldnt be all or nothing. But it is and nothing I do is enough, which is why I am in a defense mode against my sister and this particular girl.
I can´t take false people. I will never tolerate fake girls and fake friendships. That is why I feel lonely, because truth of the matter is, 99 % of girls are way too dramatic in my area.
I hope to make a friend or two now when I am progressing at work, but really, it is hard...
I appreciate ya´ll and your answers but it feels like you are not trying to get the depth of my situation.
It is what it is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): We all have to create our own strategy in life. We have to dodge bullets from co-workers, friends, neighbors; and like I said before, even relatives.
Stop being a victim. No one hates you 'cause you're beautiful!
There may be other elements within your personality that draws darts from other females. If you cringe every-time you're around other females, that sends off a nasty vibe. Like you expect them to hate you; because you realize you're above average in looks.
Maybe you don't carry it as well as you claim, or think you do! Being too nice annoys people. Always acting like everything rude said to you is taken to heart, is also annoying. You've got to toughen up and let things roll off your back. If you really don't like other women, they know it. I say that all the time. Women have a special intuition and they can read other women like bill boards. You can't fool each other.
I don't think they hate you, they just like to have fun taken turns getting at you. I told you before, you sound like an easy target. Thinking your looks are why other ladies don't like you. I've been around the block. I know that it's more than that. Do a little introspection.
Whatever you don't like about your personality, may be the same thing other women don't like about you.
If you can't find any faults in yourself, that's conceit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think it is very difficult, especially for a girl like myself, to remain in touch with these drama girls.
It´s a constant struggle.
My sister keeps seeing me as a competition and her friends the same.
I don´t know, I just wish I had one true friend that could honestly be there for me.
I realize I have none.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wrote earlier ( bellow) but it doesn´t show that it is me who has written.. I would never rely on my looks to create a bond with anyone, but yes I do look very much above avarage. But why does that make other girls treat me so bad? Especially when I treat people the same regardless of their looks, social que etc. I feel very sad because of all this. It feels like it is a game, and I don´t want to play that game realizing how fake it all is and realizing for what reason all this is for ( lack of self-esteem for these girls?). I don´t know. Honestly I don´t.Same thing happened today again. I wish someone could just tell me: do this and that, and I would try to follow up on their advice. I know already that these girls are very "dramatic" with low self-esteem and I can´t change them, but there must be something I could do for them to not "get to me". I barely have friends ya´ll, and mostly because I can´t get along with girls like that, considering that majority of girls are like this. I just wish I had one true friend that would be my backbone, considering that my own sister isn´t even there for me. I don´t know, it feels sad.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014): There is something missing in your post.I can't place a finger on it but there is.I wish the sister was on here because as WiseOwl in all his wisdom said that there are two sides to every story.
I knew the response would come in from you trying to justify yourself while heaping more negativity and blame on your sister.It does seem a lot like you are jealous.
Most of the time,people make judgments for themselves.It is not about what the other person said about you.
If you had other people love you like you claim,your sister wouldn't be an issue at all. I am very sure 90% of people in the world have dysfunctional families.I am sure I am going to get blamed by you too but I strongly advise a therapist.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014): Thank you for your kind words and for responding back so fast. I have deliberately left out details (e.g how she caused indirectly as well as directly caused harms in my relationships) but she is very caring to other people. She can go through fire for her friends but is a bit careful with her own family. Yes, you are right, she is having a grudge against us in the family because she was mistreated unfairly ( typical family dramas were our parents should have played a bigger role. I agree with you there too) but then again she took that out on me while I was still a kid growing up to become an adult. I have always understood her, been very sensitive towards her subjective thoughts and cared for her only to make sure she feels loved by us all. My parents and entire folk loves her dearly, no doubt in that and she has a very good way of being loved too, she is good in charming people and I like that a lot about her, however... Many times she has directly expressed that she plays on people's emotions and "manipulates" them to get what she wants. She has told me this openly and she knows she can't do that with me but she keeps trying and it reflects in all kinds of ways, especially in circle of friends.I don't envy her, that's the thing, I rarely envy people, only in relationships can I get a bit jealous but in a normal degree.. I just want to be appreciated by her and maybe it is like you say, maybe I want her affection andaybe she knows that. But it bothers me most when non-family members treat me like she does and I see it as these viscious girls seeing that gap in difference between us and I think they notice how she treats me and find it easier to jump on the same train.My parents have always tried to talk to her and she is basically the same with them too, and I try to take "comfort " in knowing that she is passive "aggressive/narcissistic" towards other family members too but it's not fair against them or me or herself.My concern is that I doing something wrong. And allowing these girls to treat me bad by appearing in their surroundings. I have always been the kind of girl who hangs out with guys a child simply because girls were too dramatic but I think now when I older I see how inexperienced I am among typical girly girls. And unfortunately 99 % of girls in my life are that way.I will soon start on a new job and get along with my life. I am hoping to make new friends and basically stand my ground without having to compromise with myself.I have a way of thinking philosophically in life and that's somehow why I am very calm as person and don't rush in to make people like me. Somehow though I am liked for the same reason that other girls (like the ones I mentioned) don't like me for. It's been like that most my life. I am kind to everyone and treat all the same regardless of their background but I feel those type of girls find me as a threat and I just can't handle it.I try not to show but I am sure it's obvious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014): There comes a point in maturity when we realize how ridiculous things were in childhood. How we took the wrong people much to seriously, and allowed them to dominate over our feelings. Everyone who reads your post can relate to it; because I don't think there is anyone who can't say they've got a childhood nemesis who didn't change even into adulthood. Be it a school-yard bully or one of your own siblings. Some have whole families against them.
It is most unfortunate that some of us have to suffer bullying even from our own family members. If you were a pretty little girl, quiet, and shy; it's not unusual for an older-sister to be envious. "Good-looks" can become a bone of contention between two females due to a lot of emphasis placed on beauty in our society. Your sister has nurtured her resentment for you through the years; only because she finds a twisted satisfaction in knowing you never outgrew her bullying and you make it so much fun. She gets her kicks out of turning people against you, and watching you squirm. Your dramatic response is entertainment for her.
You can't stop people from being evil towards you. All you can do is avoid them. You continue to be a civil and decent human-being; with the mature knowledge that people can be cruel, but a select-group doesn't stand for all humanity.
You grow a thicker skin, and as long as they don't go out of their way to infringe on your rights, you dismiss them and shrug them off. She's your sister. So, she's catty and bitchy toward you. Get over it. That's her way. It appears you do seem to remain an easy target; because you always seem to find your way into the center of the "evil-triad's" girl-drama. This is easily remedied by distance. You still have to maintain civility between you and your sister, because she shares your DNA. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." It appears you've held up pretty well, you're still around to tell it. So face it and write it off utter nonsense that goes on between sisters.
Apparently your parents never stepped in to monitor your childhood behavior. Parents are there to be mediators and and referees. They're supposed to squash the bullying. However; I see a lot of pettiness that females often harbor toward each other. Some simply like to feed on drama and play victim. Maybe you've been "too nice" and she finds it most annoying; because you make it your business to show her how much "nicer" you are than she is. In a subtle passive-aggressive way telling her you're better than she is. You didn't offer one single positive attribute about your sister. Only how "ugly" she is. Maybe that assessment you harbor in resentment reflects through how you treat her as well? There are two-sides to every story, I always say!
You over-play victim to her treatment and make her feel like she's always some villain plotting awful things against you, the nicer and prettier of the two sisters.
If she told her side, you'd be the reason she can't get along with you. So it goes back and forth as sibling rivalry goes. As it has since Cain and Abel.
You're all grown-up now. Your sister can only get to you if you let her. You harbor a lot of resentment against your sister that you had just a little girls; and I think you translate everything she does into a plot against you. If she sabotaged your life or ruined your romantic relationships; I could see where she was a she-demon out to ruin your life. I think she is just an aggressive and more out-going personality, that you envy to some degree. What you hate about each other, is what you should embrace as part of your identities. Instead, you want to reconstruct who your sister is. Make her who you want her to be, instead of loving her for who she is. She dislikes you for that. She wanted you to look-up to her, instead you decided she was evil. So she plays the part.
I think your story is very typical amongst sisters. I'm happy to know that although she is a total pain in the ass, she hasn't done you any physical or irreparable emotional harm. I wouldn't exactly consider your rivalry as torturous as some OP's have written to DC; which was quite physically and emotionally-abusive. You seem quite articulate, intelligent, and focused; in spite of her meanness toward you.
Eliminate the other two women from your social circle.
Continue to get along with your sister, but keep a safe distance. I'm sorry your parents never intervened to see that you two treated each other with kindness, and ensured that the two of you developed an enduring love toward each other. Instead your relationship developed as two sisters feuding for friendships, and building walls between each other. Everyone doesn't have TV-family relationship. Some do.
Somehow I think you turned out the better of the two, as personalities and intellect go. She may have some insecurities and self-image issues that she never got over; and harbors toward you to this day. She takes out her frustrations on you; because she may feel you got the better deal as beauty goes. Your girly-girl personality may just rub her the wrong way. So inadvertently, she has toughened you up. You don't take the B.S.; so, you're not as timid as you used to be. I don't think she hates you, nor you her. I think you both are grown women stuck in time. You never outgrew the rivalry that began when you were two young girls; and that is the type of relationship you've developed between you. I still think deep-down inside, you both love each other a lot. You always seem to stay in close proximity. You're the more passive-aggressive sister, she the more narcissistic-bully who feeds on seeing you squirm.
Try not to take her so seriously. The behavior is very infantile and silly. It's how your relationship is defined and you're taking it way too seriously for what it's worth. Look at it as childish and immature, as it really is. You can sit down and write her a heartfelt hand-written letter. You might even call a family-conference; and include your parents, if they are still alive. Air your differences. Let everyone know that you really love your sister, but you want to end this lifelong rivalry, and become civil adults.
I think the letter would be better; because it would be as therapeutic as writing the post you submitted. Only it will be directed at the culprit who has broken your heart for so many years. I can see the deep love you have for her through the long emotional passages in your post. You don't understand why she doesn't seem to love you as you love her. Knowing what I know about people and what I've learned through the years, she loves you just as much. She can't get past the jealousy; because she feels nature gave her little sister everything she ever wanted. She feels so resentful, she never learned how to express her love.
I fault your parents for not being there to do what parents should do when they see siblings bullying and mistreating each other. I'm glad you still turned out as well as you have. The only problem, is you're still the little girl who feels picked-on; and you allow your sister to crack your adult-armor. That is because you want her to be mushy and affectionate, to show you love. Just get away from her and go about your life.
Maybe after she reads your how you feel in that long emotional letter, it may reach something she has felt in her heart other than resentment. Don't look for a miracle to transform her; just get your feelings across and allow her inner-humanity to analyze and review in retrospect how she has made you feel as her sister all these years.
You'll never be able to handle and understand why people treat you badly for no reason. You learn to get past it, and prosper in spite of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014): I got about a third of a way down your post and started wondering: "I wonder what this woman looks like?"The reason I wondered this is because it took me until my VERY late thirties to understand this kind of behaviour from other women; they are, quite simply, jealous of what you look like. As well as that, they all have in common a rather spiteful and dominating aspect to their personalities, which comes from inner insecurity - your sister probably being the most extreme. In my case, I grew up with the kind of mother who never, ever commented on what me or my sister looked like - she was extremely puritanical and no comment was every made about our appearance. I was aware of others saying I was pretty and, later, beautiful. Today I'm 46 and I', still told by people that I'm beautiful. It's difficult to easily explain this, but the comments have little to no effect on me whatsoever. I'm aware that I look something like a lot of female celebrities look, but I wear barely any make-up and, to be honest, the idea that either men or women would judge me and appraise me solely on what I look like really scares me - I've worked really hard to develop intellectually and appreciate it far, far more if someone says that I made an intelligent comment or discussion.However, I had years and years of this kind of behaviour from women - and years of believing men just wanted to be my friend (even married men) and getting very hurt when they just wanted sex. The thing about women behaving like this was so very obvious to anyone else, but to me I was totally dumbfounded by why they would exclude me, be nasty to me, give me weird looks...it was almost impossible to make friends. Like you, I was quiet and calm.From their perspective, and given that they're insecure, they just see a beautiful young woman and that, to them, means that you have more power than them to gain a man. As well as this, your quiet nature will not be seen by them as being evidence that you're a nice person, they most likely will see it as you being quietly calculating and pretending to be innocent when you aren't. I know when I say this it will seem crazy to you - when the penny finally dropped for me I was so shocked. I had extremely low self esteem and had worked so hard as a single mum to buy my own home and felt rock bottom for years - what did other women see? A beautiful, calculating, dominating and weirdly quiet woman with financial independence and no boyfriend or husband, therefore able to steal theirs - I had so much speculation about how my ex-husband must be paying a fortune to me (in fact he never paid a penny) or how I must have inherited (I never inherited a penny) to be able to have bought my own home with a child in tow. It was all nonsense, I was just working myself to the bone and hadn't dated anyone in donkey's years. The deviousness that women got up to in the work place, to try to make me look bad, was so utterly childish - but still very calculated - that at first I couldn't believe anyone would stoop so low, but they do. I just couldn't believe that other women would think badly of me or of anyone, before thinking the good things first - but they most certainly do. I was like you - I always trusted and saw the good in people first, so it was only after being crapped on for about the 100th time by another woman that I realised they were jealous and trying to wreck my career and reputation.It doesn't matter what you do, they will be convinced that you are so certain of your own beauty that your quietness is evidence of your inner superiority and your cunning nature. There's no easy way out of this except to get in to some sort of environment where women are far more confident (not dominant, which is different) in themselves and won't feel threatened by you.Your sister will be fuelling all of this kind of speculation and judgement about you because she will originally have been insecure about her status in the family when a new baby arrived...are your parents very loving in an equal sense, because it sounds like somehow she senses there may not be enough love to go around and is hell bent on maintaining a dominant family position because she fears losing their love? I ask this because although in my case I am the older sister, my younger sister, despite being stunning (in a stereotypical sense) behaves very, very similarly to your older sister and I know that this is because my parents were very dysfunctional when we were growing up - they effectively created a situation in which my younger sister was doted on since birth but I figured out that, rather than this helping her to love people, she felt she had to continually compete for their love and attention - not that she didn't get any, she got it ALL, they absolutely doted on her. But she saw the difference between how they treated me and how they treated her, and whilst she never in herself did anything to try to make them treat us equally it was as if, nevertheless, she sensed underneath that, just as they excluded me, if she didn't keep up their attention, they might turn on her and exclude her ie. the roles might switch if she didn't keep their attention. In your case, it's highly likely that your older sister felt threatened when you entered into the family - possibly your parents didn't handle your upbringing in a way that reassured her about her status in the family and it very much seems as if she has to keep getting attention because she feels very, very insecure about losing their attention when you were born - before your birth she probably felt very safe and loved as she had all their attention, then you came along and it's like they haven't taught her or shown her there's enough love to go around for all.Unless you can start to make your own friends without your sister involved then you are pretty much paving the way for a life-long pattern to develop, with the root causes never being addressed. Another thing is that I don't think you've faced up to the effects of your beauty - it's a bit like you're in denial about it or as if you think it shouldn't matter (and it shouldn't), but the reality is that to other women it really, really gets to them. They can't see any vulnerable side to you at all, they feel threatened and so are trying to weaken you. What's so sad about this situation is that, as well as emerging from a family situation of inequality, it's also a part of a far large picture of inequality - ultimately, we still live in a male dominated world and it means that women still compete with one another - ultimately for male attention - making true friendship and love between women strained and thin on the ground - we still have unequal access to jobs and good pay and not enough childcare to make women be able to easily have an equal life to men. A woman alone in her late 30's early 40's still stands to be despised or looked down on, instead of being seen as a strong and independent woman, whereas for men this is in no way such an issue, rather he is seen as a prize to be won. So women are overall still in positions of dependence on men and those who gain financial wealth and independence are unusual - and often envied as well as emulated by other women - rather than the norm. Your sister and her friends are competing with you , trying to undermine your personality and psyche, because they resent your good looks - to them it means you have a far better chance of gaining attention from others, but men especially - and they are somehow aware that it's still very much a competition to find a high status man. I'm not saying this is necessarily at the forefront of their minds, or any woman's but there's such a deeply ingrained sense of inequality in women's minds even today, that competitiveness, rather than compassion, is usually the status quo between them.
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