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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Is it possible to give up on women? I have a very complicated history with them that ranges from saving a girl from getting raped in high school to getting left by my junior prom date for another guy at the dance. I have had one ex in high school/early college. I have kissed/made out with 3 other girls. One girl also planned on using me for stability once she had grown tired of dating around. I ended it furiously. My alternative is living alone with lots of money and hobbies. I'm very insecure about not having enough dating/sexual experience with women and always wanted to have the social skills to have sex/date regularly and to find a girlfriend whenever I want. I've invested thousands of hours of energy into improving my looks/wardrobe/social skills(eye contact, talking to new people, body posture). I've read several books on confidence. Many people say I've become a transformed improvement but my confidence hasn't caught up. I still am far from having regular dates/sex and technically am still a virgin. My 23rd birthday is in 3 months and I'm freaking out. It doesn't help that most of the girls in my grad school are 2-3 years older than me and most hook up/date the same 5-6 guys throughout the year. I've been in therapy for 8 months trying to improve my confidence. My therapist understand where I want to stand with women and he thinks I ponder too much but I have difficulty not obsessing when I've been such a failure at this. My fears get compounded when I had this conversation with my friends where they agreed there are two kinds of guys, the type of guy women want to have sex with and the guy they want stability and no sex with. I don't want to be the latter. At all. It really bothers me if I was.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2016): Most guys who have the worst luck with men or women; are those who are shopping totally out of their league. So, if they don't get what they consider a trophy as a tribute to their egos, no one measures up. Their true match is overlooked; because their aim is to conquer, not to connect!
Some just can't take "no" for an answer; so they try and try and try again with the "wrong people" for the "wrong reasons."
The "weird" factor is also often a major obstacle to cover-come. When you're socially awkward, no matter how good-looking you may be; you have to have the interactive skills and personality to attract people. Not just sexually, but emotionally. You starve for validation. You want women to throw themselves at you. Sorry, maybe that will never happen. I think your choices work against you.
Your unrealistic expectations are contorted into excuses. Placing the blame on women, and everybody else. It's you!
Therapy will help, when you stop resisting.
You've milked the aunts and uncles for all it's worth; because you enjoy the attention. Telling everyone, inclusive of your professional therapist, nothing works for you. Seriously?!! Sometimes if you're looking for all the wrong things, you've wasted a lot of time and energy in the search!
Everything we've all said here will help others, if not you. It will help you in the long run; because the advice given here has to penetrate. Women aren't anything like you've portrayed them to be in your posts. Thinking sex is going to give you super-human confidence is bullsh*t. Time to use logic and maturity in your thinking. If a neanderthal could get a woman and perpetuate the species; so can a 21st century millennial.
In the end, like everybody else. Live and learn.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (23 January 2016):
 I don't know anything about your approach but you are coming across as a bit desperate. You have done a lot of work on yourself which is commendable. Do you know anything about fishing? It requires patience and guile. It also requires you to be fishing in the right pool. You have baited the hook but don't snatch at the first at the first bit of interest. I have probably pursued this metaphor long enough. I wish you good luck. It will happen for you when it will.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 January 2016):
 If it is fun you want that that is okay, but I do suggest that you let a girl know that is all you want from her before you begin a sexual relationship with her, as long as your open and honest then she will not get hurt.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (22 January 2016):
You have two choices: try, or carry on as you have been. What do I try you ask? Tell me what is the thing I haven't done?
In order to break your deadlock you need to do what you have been avoiding. There it is in a nutshell. You're welcome.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (20 January 2016):
Having lots of sex should not be important to you at all. Finding a woman who loves you and who you can be comfortable around and explore should be whats important. If all you are interested in is sex then I suggest you call a local hooker.
Who cares what age you are and how much experience you have had, when the right woman comes along she won't care. Women are all different and different things do it for them ect, so no two women are the same in bed. Focus less on having sex and more on finding a partner.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (20 January 2016):
What kind of therapy are you having? I hope it's not endless analysis. You can get someone to listen to you in a bar, particularly if you buy them a drink. It will work out cheaper in the end providing you aren't alcoholic.
Essentially you are over-thinking the problem. And I don't think your friends are helping. There aren't just two types of guys that women want. That is locker room nonsense.
Just find a girl you like. You aren't supposed to be looking for a piece of meat to bang. Find someone you really like and admire. If it's right nature will take its course as it always has.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2016): Don't let the Alpha/Beta male thing get you down. The world and women are not black & white. Just because women can be predisposed for something it doesn't mean that is all of them.
Men are predisposed to want to trade in their older wives once they have several kids & losing their looks for a younger woman. Would you want a girl to think it's hopeless to date you because you will just do that to her eventually?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2016): Well, here we go again. Another virgin who thinks having sex will change his whole world around. Stop idolizing women and making them out to be angelic alien creatures from another far-off planet.
They're people, but you go over-the-top creating things in your head about what it takes to be with a woman. As though it takes becoming a super-hero to date a female. All it takes is charm, confidence, persistence, and good character. Yes, they can be pretty dumb; because they often make bad choices among men. It's part of their learning process, until they figure-out what type of guy is right for them; and what they have to be to deserve him.
They claim they want a "Mr. Right." If you're insecure, needy, clingy, bitchy, bossy, ashamed of your body, or conceited. "Mr. Right" is smart to avoid such types! He still needs to have some experience to learn what it is he should avoid. Just not let his heart and spirit be destroyed in the process.
Your friends are full of crap about "two kinds of men." There is a match for every soul with a sense of reason. Even crazy folks housed in mental institutions find a match. People are social creatures who pair-off naturally.
It's just not always that easy.
You have a totally unrealistic view of, and approach to, women. Under it all is fear. Fear of vaginas, fear of rejection, and you have a soft filling made of insecurity.
Virgins well over 25 are scared of vaginas. They have to overcome their fear to go near a female. Luckily, you've had limited exposure. You're better off than you give yourself credit for. Your weirdness may get in your way a little.
I have no doubt you're a sweet guy, but you make women out to be creatures they're not. Gosh, they must think you're totally weird. I think you're quite interesting. Not to hurt your feelings; but look at all the trouble you're going through. Yet you can't get next to a woman? Not even therapy helps?
Can't you see how trying too hard is working against you?
Trying to be everything a woman wants, when they hardly know themselves what they really want? Or if such a thing even exists? In the end, we all learn. You will too!
It's always good to work at self-improvement. However; you're missing the point entirely.
"Self" -improvement, is for you. Others take notice. Male or female, they become attracted to your kindness and good-nature. Drawn to your good spirit. That's all very simple. Sex is not the only attraction women have toward men. They have their ways, but they are still human. Not so difficult to be with. They shy from weirdness, only as a natural response for self-preservation. An inherent desire to want to pair-off and mate with someone who'll give them healthy, intelligent, attractive offspring. Some are drawn to weirdness and creepiness like a moth to a flame. Even to wickedness. However; they have to protect themselves from guys who seem a little too bazaar, nervous, or awkward. Stands to reason, doesn't it?
It only means you scare women. So they keep a safe distance. Only thing is, they scare you more. So making all these excuses you want sex but can't get a woman, is really all in your head. Eventually, therapy will reveal this to you. I speculate if a beautiful naked woman was spread out in front of you, you'd freeze in total fear. Petrified!
Perhaps some therapy will help you with your interactive issues. It's not with just women, but people. You're too young to give up. Because fate will have it that someone will find you. It's just a matter of time. You're just a kid at heart, and in time you'll mature and figure it all out.
Do yourself a favor. Stop listening to your goofy friends!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 Maybe you should try sex surrogate therapists. They are not prostitutes. The sessions are not sleazy. They can help you relax and gain confidence.
Since you are a doctor, would you consider doing doctors without borders? That can allow you to travel and talk to a variety of women. You never know where the world can take you. People would always welcome you and because they are curious about you and respect that you come from the states, they would be less likely to discriminating. Your world right now is so small and focused around getting laid. Broaden your horizon and let your opportunities open up for you.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (20 January 2016):
I will answer your question bluntly - if you have no confidence in yourself, yes, you should give up. If you dont have that, you will never get to square one with a female, just the way it is.
Now, if you want to work on your confidence, that changes everything ...
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