A
female
age
36-40,
*anadagirl05
writes:I have been in a relationship for over three years now. my boyfriend is a very sweet and kind person. I know that he accepts me for who I am and I do not feel like I have to work to impress him. When we first began dating I was completely head over heels for him. For the past few months I have been having doubts about whether he is "the one".we do not fight very much but there are a few aspects of his personality that get on my nerves. He does not have a lot of motivation to finish university and begin to work towards a career and I feel like my life is going on without him.I don't know what to do because I am scared to leave a relationship where I am loved and treated great just because I don't get "butterflies" when I see him. I am wondering if I should be grateful that I am in a loving relationship and should work on regaining the feelings I once had for my boyfriend or should I break things off and move on?I am also having strong feelings for a guy I work with. He has a girlfriend and most likely has no interest in me. I do not know what it is I just feel like he is the perfect guy for me. He is funny, cute, great with children (which is important to me), down to earth and a hardworking person. I would like some advice on how to handle these strong feelings for this guy because we are both in relationships!
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male
reader, perfectspace  +, writes (10 October 2009):
wow....there are just so many things wrong here...lets start with the fact that you have a great guy at home...something that is rather hard to come by.someone who accepts you for you and treats you great. if you are missing the butterflies feeling...then do something about it...dont go off on some hunt for the office romance with a guy who may not even know you exist... maybe take the initiative and try and put a little spice back into your relationship...because from the sounds of it..it seems as though you are just bored and losing interest because of it.if you dont express to him how you are feeling about anything going on with you guys...how is he supposed to know there is a problem? and better yet ...how are you guys supposed to fix it?my advice to you ....is this....sit him down talk to him ..be completely honest about what has being going on and how you have been feeling. then if you guys decide you want to continue with your relationship...you guys at the very least have a starting point for things to work on. give your relationship a chance to flourish before you send it to its grave. hope this was helpful
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (10 October 2009):
 If you're hoping that the butterfly feeling and thrill of a new relationship will last forever, you're wrong. It doesn't matter who you are or who you're with, they fade. And, when they fade in a marriage, you better hope that you're wise enough to see the big picture. You'd better hope that when those feeling start to fade you recognize the value of all the small things that make you relationship a "relationship". Yopu have to decide if the butterfly feeling is more valuable than a solid, trusting, safe relationship with a good person. What happens if you go with the new guy and you get butterflies for another guy, and another, and another.....
You see, it doesn't end. When a person is mature, they realize the piece of mind that a good relationship brings is better than the temporary thrill of a fling. Don't forget, exciting flings get boring too. If you think your fling is going to take you to the doctor appointment when you're 86 and can't get there on your own, you're wrong. The guy that loves you though will.
It's not wrong to have the feelings, thoughts or even temptations you have. It is a choice though and to be fair to your partner you need to decide what you value. Time is fleeting and as a married man at age 46, I really value the 25 years I've had with my wife. It defines a large part of who I am.
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A
female
reader, canadagirl05 +, writes (10 October 2009):
canadagirl05 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you GrimmReality! I appreciate your response - I agree with everything you said- I think it took hearing your response to realize how selfish I am acting. Thanks again!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (10 October 2009):
 YOU CANNOT FIND LOVE IN YORU RELATIONSHIP IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR LOVE OUTSIDE OF IT!
Do you have any inkling that all the time you spend worrying about this guy at work whom you have NO IDEA if he has feelings for you, that you could be spending that time rediscovering why you fell in love in the first place?
This is the third time in an hour that this same question has come up. I'm answering it the same way.
You need to be honest with your man, and you need to give him the benefit of the doubt as to how BOTH OF YOU fix this. You see, relationships TAKE WORK! And if you go down this selfish path, you are going to end up with neither of them.
Please be an adult,as your age shows you to be
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