A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,My boyfriend lately is driving me crazy, he has gotten so possesive, it scares me..A little background: it took my bf a really long time to ask me out..he is a very good looking man and has easily could sweep any woman off her feet..but with me he saw something different cuz I wasn't really paying attention to him or responding to his calls or texts (not intentionally lol)it just happened..anywys he asked me out I said yes..He's an actor by profession and travels the world works with soo many beautiful women yes I do get jealous but I don't act on it..but he does..recently a guy friend of mine had this status on bbm on how it was, about our day out..so my bf calls me and starts questioning me and saying things like I miss you so much but you just seem to be enjoying with your friends..he saw a picture of our entire group both guys and girls and one of the guys was holding me at the waist, so my bf is like why is he holding you there!! he callss me every minute when I'm out, when I don't reply he texts continously!! I have never cheated on him and I don't know why this behaviour!! I told him you have nothing to be insecure I love you alone and he says I know I trust, but I'm not around and I feel the distance will drive you close to someone else!!! he didnt like 2 of my friends and asked me to stop talking to them completely!! how do I handle this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2012): In my opinion, only a guilty mind would bring suspicion or guilty behavior into a relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2012): How do you know he's not playing away with other females, and that's where his insecure behavior is coming from?
If he's done something wrong and he's feeling guilty about it, guilt usually manifests itself in the form of insecurity and the guilty one starts accusing the other one of the same thing in order to find some justification for what they've done, and the possessiveness (Constant phone calls/texts, and telling you who you can and can't see etc) is a way for him to make sure you dont/are NOT doing the same to him as what he's done to you.
Basically from where I'm sitting, he COULD be projecting his guilt onto you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 September 2012):
 he doesn't trust you... probably because he knows he's not trustworthy..
I find that folks that don't trust without a good reason (i.e. they've caught the partner at something before) usually feel that way because either they had a former partner who was a cheat (and you are being punished for their sins) OR worse, the partner entertains thoughts of cheating or is cheating and they are projecting onto the non-cheating partner.
he can ASK you to stop talking to your friends he does not like... you do not have to comply...
i'd be re-thinking the relationship if he is being that controlling and possessive... I put up with a lot of stuff... that is not one of the things I accept.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2012): You dump the loser simple as that. You do know that jealousy and possessiveness are generally big signs of a guy or girl being a cheater right?
You know just a like a person who is a thief is the person most protective of their possessions.
He lies when he says he trusts you, let me guess he's used the old "It's not you I don't trust, it's them" one, that one is a classic.
The question you need to ask yourself is simply is this relationship the type of one you want. This is the relationship you have and the way it always will be OP. Jealousy, possessiveness are character traits that can never be changed. Is his dashingly handsome good looks worth losing all the people in your life that matter to you and any kind of freedom or trust to be able to interact with the opposite sex?
You either leave him or you shut up and put up with it. Nothing you can ever do is going to change the way he is and chances are he's cheating on you. This is who he is, it's not just a blip, it's not just stress, this is the guy he is when you get to know him. He's not relationship material OP, there's a reason why he took so long to ask you out it's because no matter how good looking he is not many women are stupid enough to let themselves be treated that way and frankly he's paranoid because he probably does this himself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2012):
 He doesn't trust you, he make demands on whom you can talk to, he "stalks" your phone when you are pout and he isn't there....
The list of red flags go on and on and on.
1. If you wish to continue this relationship you need to grow a set. You need to when you two are face to face, tell him that he can't DICTATE who you are friends with, that he NEEDS to trust you and if he can't.... well.... what do you two really have?
2. When you go out and he calls make it short and tell him you will call him back in XX hours, then turn the phone off. (let him know you are doing this).
However, if you have doubts about continuing the relationship (and honestly I would have MAJOR doubts) then maybe you need to let him go. I think you are inadvertently enabling him and his controlling behavior, because you "play" along and does what he wants.. to make him happy. But does it make YOU happy? To never be able to talk to friends because HE is jealous?
Sounds to me like he is trying to isolate you, so you ONLY have him to please and to worry about. Honey, that's no life.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 September 2012):
 Let's focus on these: "...is driving me crazy..." and, "...so possesive, it scares me..", and, "...my bf calls me and starts questioning me...", and, finally: "... he didnt like 2 of my friends and asked me to stop talking to them completely!! ."
Now, let's answer this: "how do I handle this?"
You DUMP HIM!!!! He's a jealous/possessive/soon-to-be-abusive LOSER.... and YOU DESERVE BETTE!!!!
Good luck....
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