A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so me and my mom used to be really close and open with eachother but for some reason we have been fighting alot more and ive lost alot of trust in her. But anyway she snooped through my phone and found out that me and my boyfriend are having sex and she got mad at me and him for not talking to her about it, she even called his parents. She says that by not talking to her about it first shes lost trust in me. so i told her that i knew if i had talked to her she would be breathing down our necks making sure it didnt happen which is exactly what shes doing now and i dont know what to do im 17 why cant she realize that this is my choice if i want to have sex??P.S. im not a virgin and she knows that, we used condoms, and im on birth control.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): You both love each other, but you both are stuck in different positions. Both of you are emphasising the inconvenience of your positions as complications to the relationship are occuring and both are being expressive and communicative. As adults, parents have to act in certain ways to conform to society. There are expectations on parents. Your mother needs to show respect to your partners parents. There are ingredients adults have learnt which make relationships work longterm, especially important if there is a child around. As adults we become more cautious and weary and anxious and frightened, where-as the younger are the opposite. If your mother is going to say no, question why. The ones who love you the most are your mother and father. Start communicating and asking questions and see her knowledge about life before first turning away from it. Even though you really, really want some-thing else bad. I think you are both feeling left out as not being included in each others lives anymore. Have a discussion about him and tell her why you like him so much. And listen to what she says about him. And care about her concerns. That way, she will realise you have rectified the situation and you are a little more grown up than she thought.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): If you're living with your mom, abide by her rules. If you're not living with your mom, it's none of her business. If you had been raised properly, this would be obvious.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): It's a normal motherly reaction on her part. She knows she's got no right to be mad at you, especially as you're being so resonsible. She just feels like she's losing you as you grow up. It could well be that she made mistakes herself which she doesn't want you to repeat.
Unfortunately there are two types of parents - those who think "right, they're being responsible, at least if they're here they're not out shagging in a alley somewhre" and those who think "Not under my roof they don't! My daughter should stay chaste forever!"
You can try and persuade your mum to think like the prior. When the air's cooled, talk to her about how she feels and how you feel. Be calm, try not to raise voices and argue. Expain why you didn't talk to her but say you'd like to renew your relationahip with her. Explain that you're being responsible and that you're really into your boyfriend.
Perhaps you can come to a compromise about when you're allowed your boyfriend over and so on. But if you agree a compromise you must stick to it. Give her the trust and control back she feels she's lost.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (18 July 2009):
Your mom needs to butt out of your private life. At 17 you need to be able to have a sex life, and it's not any of your mother's business OTHER than to make sure that you're on birth control and that you know enough about how to protect yourself. The kind of sex you choose to have is NONE of her business...
What she needs to know is that you're safe and not taking unreasonable risks - beyond that is private. If she wants to be a good mom, a box of condums in the bathroom, in a place where she knows how to check them when they're out and replace is a huge nice thing to do. Having them handy for yourself or your freinds is major - while this may seem odd, some parents understand that teens are going to have sex, and making sure that they do not get an STD or pregnant is more important then buying a box of condoms once a month. I'd rather spend the money, than have my daughter or her best freind get pregnant.
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A
female
reader, cherry cherry boom boom +, writes (18 July 2009):
Jeez thats serious chiz. I just think your mother is scared that maybe the condom could pop or over flow then you could end up pregnant or with an STD and if you think your old enough tell her your sorry she had to find out that way but her little girl is growing up. This ya girl, peace
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): sounds like your mom cares about you. I'm 21 and if my mom thought me andmy boy friend were having sex she would pithc a fit.. plus one of my best friends was having sex with a girl and the condom broke and by that time he couldn't stop..If I remeber right the girl got pregnant and had to have an abortion. To me, habing sex with my boyfriend would be the normal thing to do, but there is a difference between what is right and what's normal
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