A
female
age
41-50,
*utthere
writes:I am in a situation that I never thought I would be in. I am 29, have been married for 10 years and have 3 beautiful children. About a month ago my best friend reconnected me with someone from my past, my very first love and the man whom I gave my virginity. We dated on and off through high school and were always very close friends. I left my now spouse when I was 18 to try again with him and I ended it because he was at a point in his life where I couldn't deal with the drama. Long story short, he ended up moving away and I lost touch with him. I never really let him go, I just accepted the fact that I would never see him again and moved on. When I first saw his picture I was floored. It was like nothing Ive ever felt before, shaking and queasy. I didn't contact him because I new that I still love him and that in itself is wrong. Eventually he came to me, said to me all the same things I was thinking about him. All this time we have been missing each other and just talking to him was such a relief to me. We arranged a very short meeting (no sex, just talking and some crying) My marriage has had a lot of ups and downs, cheating on both our parts, basically a general lack of trust(mostly of me) Things have been good the past few years, but I feel like I'm just here because I am comfortable in my situation. I know what I'm doing is unfair to my husband, but I'm afraid to tell him. Hes totally unaware of everything. I am afraid of losing my children. I am afraid of making my family mad for ending a seemingly good marriage. How do I go on being married to someone I don't love and daydreaming about the man I do?
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female
reader, outthere +, writes (22 October 2007):
outthere is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wouldn't exactly describe this person as an "old fling" The relationship that we had was much more than just a fling, we were in love for many years. I know exactly what my marriage lacks: Trust. My husband fears every moment of the day that I'm going to run off with another man. I work and I go to the store, I don't have friends, I don't socialize. When I try to he gets angry and guilts me out of going. I left this marriage 3 years ago because he cheated on me (for the 5th time) and I got guilted back in again because I felt sorry for him and I worry that he will harm himself. Now everyday I regret it. Talking to this so called "old fling" made me realize that maybe I am losing myself in this partnership and that maybe I do deserve better. And better does not necessarily mean moving right to the next relationship, but it helps to have someone to lean on.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 October 2007):
 It's funny how time will allow us to forget all the bad crap and just remember the good. I doubt that if you were to leave your husband to go to you long lost love that you would find happiness. In fact I have no doubt that you would deeply regret leaving your family. This is more like a crush to fill in something that's missing in your marriage right now as Peoriaman said. Marriages can have occasional lulls but can burst back with passion again. Give yours your attention and see what can be done to bring it out of the doldrums.
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A
female
reader, miamigirls1 +, writes (22 October 2007):
wow!!! i relate to this question! The diference is that I have no children. it is dificult, but you need to make a choice. I choose my husband, because I love him too and he is my best friend.
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