A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:How do you approach a woman to flirt? Or even talk, striking up a conversation to feel around and see if she's into women? I know basically what I want so I'll start there:A woman who looks and especially acts like a female. Not an obnoxious girly girl who has to be all prissy with hair and dresses and makeup, but gets her brows/lip done, actually shaves below the waist and armpits etc, has kinda long hair (shoulder length), wears female clothes that actually fit (fitted, not falling off, not skin tight), no cleavage or torso skin, no bare shoulders, no shorter than the knees, no annoying heels to slow her down but cute, flat boots or sneakers... that sort of thing. Doesn't act like a tomboy, doesn't act prissy, doesn't get all upset if she gets dirty or hurt but doesn't whine about her manicure (no fake nails or hair or eyelashes). Polite, quiet, I'd say demure but that's too far, not really submissive per say but doesn't dominate space or conversation, doesn't fight, intelligent without being argumentative or a know it all, basically follows rules and has good manners, doesn't have to smoke weed but be OK with it, doesn't expect me to pay for everything but takes turns paying, doesn't disrespect Christian people, doesn't back talk authority but actually respects it, respects her elders and sales clerks and janitors, isn't a ridiculous liberal... basically your old school Christian girl who likes girls but is willing to keep it to ourselves. Isn't overly touchy Feely, not high maintenance or attention seeking, doesn't constantly need to be validated...I've tried the lesbian/bisexual community and found no one like that. I'm not even sure if I like girls sexually or where to begin even kissing. I'd like to trade off paying for dates to see if I'm into her and visa versa and then commit and experiment. But that seems impossible Where do I begin?I just know even kissing guys, oral with guys is gross. I can't even get a tampon in so sex is out. I don't like how men smell or act.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2024): What disturbs me is your last two points: the point that you think that thinking male sex is gross = you're probably gay/lesbian. That could be true, but then your (also disturbing) second point: not only do you not know if a girl is gay (especially hard if she "looks and especially behaves" female (archaic and insulting much?), not only do you not instinctively know how to flirt, approach, kiss... you want to meet a woman from 1932 to "take turns" courting each other, then committing, THEN use her as a sexual lab rat to get some experience under your belt! That's all kinds of wrong!First of all, work on becoming the type of woman you'd like to date and most of all befriend. Then befriend yourself and learn to enjoy being independent (no need for validation, low maintenance, demure...).After that, sure, try gay friendly Christian dating sites and gay friendly churches to make friends. Forget sex for now. Forget intimacy for now. Forget physical affection for now. When you're deserving of a "good woman" she'll avail herself to you.To be honest though? You don't really seem attracted to women, you just lack attraction to men and like the idea of dating an ultra feminine old fashioned girl who will be happy to pretend to the rest of the world that you're just "roommates".
A
male
reader, Keen Fox +, writes (21 February 2024):
Are you a Christian? You should focus on finding someone who shares your faith. Did you know that Christian Mingle has an option for “woman seeking woman”? There are actually a lot of Christian women out there who are conservative, modest, and just happen to be attracted to other women! I would encourage you to look on Christian dating apps as well as get involved at your local LGBT-friendly church.
My wife and I are both Christian, and sharing the same faith and values together has been super important to our relationship. She has a lot of the characteristics you described. Those kind of conservative characteristics are hard to find outside of the church. Church and the Christian community are where you should be looking.
You are made this way for a beautiful purpose and you deserve to receive love like everyone else! Pray about it and trust God to provide for all your needs and desires. God knows all of the desires of your heart and what will give you the ultimate satisfaction and pleasure! I prayed for a wife every day for 12 years and God answered my prayers in a way beyond my wildest dreams. Don’t give up. Trust in God and you’ll receive abundant blessings. :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 February 2024):
 Sounds like you are looking for a Unicorn, not a partner, OP
I'd say look in places where you can meet people you have something in common with. Like, your faith. You aren't the first or the only lesbian/asexual girl out there.
Or of you have other hobbies try meeting people though there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2024): If you have not got the necessary to chat up a woman without advice from strangers you practice and learn first before you chance your hand at it, especially when you have fancy ideas of what sort of woman you want. Believe me the best women only want the best men, if you lack they lack, if you are perfect and wonderful they can be too. I get this a lot with clients who consult me for advice on this stuff, old men will not get very young women - especially if ugly, fat, married, poor. You get someone who is equal to you, if you lack a lot so do they, because it is people who lack a lot who have to make do with others who lack a lot. The best people can be far more picky.
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