A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can't get why he just ditched me?I met a guy that is 45. We went on 3 dates and he said he wanted to be more than friends.We began dating and became intimate, things were passionate.He introduced me to people including his son.He came to my home and met my kids and my sister.He talked about future dates and even sent me a rose.It was going ok as far as I knew until a few texts.If someone was continplating ending a relationship why would they send a text asking about the lack of communication.I didn't reassure him which I now regret. He cut my off the next day after if texted him to say I'd felt things had changed and that if he didn't feel the same could he just tell me.He said he had many feeling for me but didn't want to do a everyo ther wk end relationship. Even though he has a son he has every other wk end. He said he had sports commitments that he'd not be able to see me and that he didn't think it was going to work long term.I was shocked as we'd been seeing each other for almost 3 months and he'd told me he thought he found someone special.It's been 3 wks since I've seen him and have given up hope that he still cares. I really want to move on but still feel upset with how he left things.I've heard that insecure men are needy to rush things.And I don't think he's been that successful in past relationships as he told me he was cheated on.How can I give myself closure from this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2016): If this guy had any feelings for you at all he'd have tried to make the relationship work instead of dumping you out of the blue without a second thought.
I'm in your age group and l have several divorced friends looking for love and this happens to them a lot.
No-one is going to say "I want fun and sex and then I'll be moving on" because most people in our age group don't want that.
If he was really insecure about being cheated on he'd have been holding back not saying "You're special" etc. You gave him no reason to think he couldn't trust you.
Either way you barely knew this man so don't dwell on what he said to you as it's not relevant and my guess is he's already moved on to someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2016): I can see a different side. When you said he commented on the lack of communication and that you didn't reassure him and then you texted him the next day and you said......that you felt things had changed.
If that is what you actually said then if I was him, I would interpret this text as you saying that your feelings had changed. Is there any way do you think that he has got the wrong end of the stick?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 May 2016):
 You are not alone because stories like these fill up the dear cupid page. There are more men who go into dating to fill up their emptiness, to try to get over their exes, to make their exes jealous, than those who genuinely want a relationship.
People who use excuses like children, being busy, are pathetic. It's very easy to use words like soulmate and special. I've heard them all and it's hilarious that these words only meant the moment they spoke them. If you feel they are rushing things, that's because they desperately need someone to replace their ex, like a bandaid to keep the wound from being exposed.
Desperation is a very big motivation for people to seek others. Usually people get fooled when they come on to strong, and mistaken these feelings as strong passion.
I think the closure you are looking for is that the problem is not you. I can reassure you it isn't. He's not ready for dating to begin with. He needs to man up and face what he is being, which is selfishness when he's using someone for a rebound. He really doesn't need to keep up contact to ease his guilt. You don't owe him any decency and friendship.
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