A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and in love with somebody who seems inappropriate for me, because he's 47 years old. He's also my mentor of art performance in the school. I can't get him off of my mind. I think about him all the time. When I first met him (the year before) I just liked him. Then suddenly, I found it kind of scary because he's thinking about the same things as me. Almost everything he has talking about, I thought about and asking myself the same questions before. I think he's my soul mate. Also he's really attractive man, very kind, calm, full of fantasies, bohemian like. And that's why I like him so much, he has all the things which I was looking for in guys before, but I haven't found yet. Besides, I have a lot of problems in finding guy which I really like.When I'm thinking about our relation, I guess he likes me too because he's flirting with me everytime when no one can see that. He often look at me on way like if he wants me. I mean, I have a feeling he likes the way I look very much and he thinks I'm nice person too. My friends (which are in the same performance as me) said he probably thinks I'm good person. Although he's generally a little distracted he remember everything I've ever said to him. I really want to know him better but those are kind of situations when i become really nervous.We had one private conversation in the end of the spring, he told me few personal things about his life and his personal thoughts. He also sent me e-mail with pictures from his sea vacation (but he's not on photos). The problem is he's so much older than me and I guess he's married too but I heard a lot of things about cheating his wife. I want to have open relationship with him, but I don't know how to start and make things in progress. I feel like I could talk to him for long hours and have sex with him. I just feel he's the right person for me and I want to spend more time with him. I see him once or twice a week and almost everytime when he's around I feel like I'm the most uglyest/sillyest person on the whole world, even a lot of guys likes the way I look (especially older ). Can somebody please give me advice how to know him better and going out sometime? I'd be happy of any answer, just don't tell me I have to forget him because (i know from my past experices) i won't be able to do it for a while. I know this situation is a little silly, but I just can't help myself. This fantasies of him becoming more and more serious for me. So what can I do?
View related questions:
flirt, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): Thank you for your answers. They really made me think. I can't promise i'd forget him in just one day, but i think i'll be more careful about everything. I'm not selfish by the nature and i don't want to destroy his marriage (even it would be his fault too). You made me realized our relationship would hurt too many people, not only his wife, but my parents and some friends too. I still think he's my soul mate, but i'd try to find somebody new or simply just be single. Thanks anyway.
A
female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (30 September 2008):
 i'm sorry to say that there are so, so many things wrong in this post.
a)the second reply that says age doesn't matter
b)he's married
c)he's involved with your school
the list goes on and on!
i know the answer up there saying go for it is what you want to hear but is probably the worst advice you could take...if you do tell him you will cook for him some time it will end up in you being embarassed and possibly and likely having your principle involved and the rest of the staff finding out about this little crush
i have been in the situation of wanting somebody i can't have-even a teacher, and let me tell you i was VERY lucky that no other teachers were involved with it. the man who i thought i was 'falling in love with' and was actually pretty good friends with before i ruined it by trying to persue him wants NOTHING to do with me now. very soon after i started flirting with him he completely changed into a different person, avoided me, and didn't speak to me...and i am VERY embarrassed now at actions that i then thought were totally okay! it's not okay!! these guys can loose their jobs for some of the things the girls crushing on them even just say to their friends! you are over-analysing all of these actions, and the fact that you say you want an open relationship with him is the biggest reason i know you are not in love with him. when you are in love, the thought of sharing the other person is just sickening, you would want him all to yourself. this is purely a sexual attraction and infatuation.
EVEN if he weren't your teacher and simply a random 47 year old he IS married. and the fact that you seem more than willing to take this man away from his wife tells me a whole lot about who you are as a person and it aint good things! this is SELFISH and horrible and foolish and morally wrong. even if this guy WERE the type to cheat on his wife-WHICH BY THE WAY YOU DON'T KNOW HE IS-where the HELL did you decide it was okay to be a part of that?!? this poor woman is sitting at home and a child is trying to seduce her husband! grow up!! you are not the only one who will take the fall if this goes to hell!
you are attracted to him because you know you shouldn't be, and that seems sexy. will it be sexy if somebody found out? if he gets put into jail? would you be willing to wait faithfully for him to get out? NO! ofcourse not, because you want an 'open' relationship. it's not worth it! the reprocussions for both you and him would simply overweigh the benefits! you are 18 years old!! and i don't say that condescendingly because I AM EIGHTEEN TOO! but i have learned from my mistakes, i think through my actions before i make them, i understand the consequences that will follow before i decide to do it!!
you are obviously not doing this, otherwise you wouldn't be even asking the question! you are just looking for justification that it is okay to persue this, and its NOT. having these feelings is normal, a lot of people have gone through it including my self. they key is knowing the difference between fantasy and realityand that reality will not be as kind as your fantasies, trust me.
i really REALLY hope that you take this seriously, i know it's not what you want to hear but take it from me you WILL regret this down the road.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): Hey, don't worry about age. It's something easy to grab on to and blame when things don't work out when in fact age had nothing to do with it. Please like to use age as an excuse because it doesn't tax the cerebrum as much. If you want to be with this guy, then I say go for it. Consider yourself fortunate to have found such a fine man. Do you cook? Offer to make him dinner sometime.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): i havent read all the question yet but i did notice that you are 18 and he is 47 - sorry that will never work for all number of reasons, and your art mentor?? Please see sense, but you wont you are infatuated and he must be very flattered - would you still fancy him if he were some normal guy in the street?? 47? My husbands 41 and i am 32 and there are still so many differences there, in an ideal world you will see sense and have fun with your mates and fall for some hunky 18 year old but i doubt you will. take care tho x
...............................
|
