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female
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*ost and Alone
writes: My boyfriend just broke up with me on Christmas...we had been fighting a lot lately and he is moving away in 3 weeks, but just that night before he left me we had been planning on trying long distance. I just don't understand how this happened. I feel so alone right now and every time I think about it I get a sick empty feeling in my stomach and I feel like I might throw up. This is just so hard. I thoughthe was "the one" even though we had on;y been together for 8 months. I have always been the one to break up with the guy, so being on this side for the first time is awful. I feel terrible that I could have put anyone through this misery and I just want it to end. I want to be over him, but every little thing reminds me of him and makes me want to go running to the phone to call him. I already did that twice and it only hurt me more when he told me "he never saw this going anywhere." I know I am a good person and that I deserve a good man, but he was a good man and I can't help but feel like this is my fault and something I did was what made him leave. I need to know how to get through this and with some dignity....can anyone help?? I feel so lost right now and alone.
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (30 December 2005):
 Hey girl,I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. First off, I'd like to say that long distance relationships take a tremendous amount of effort and require a tremendous amount of sacrifice. I know because I was in one for 4 years. It's almost impossible for them to work if both people aren't really, REALLY into each other. The fact that your boyfriend broke up with you just a day after you agreed to try the long distance thing could mean that he was having second thoughts about it and didn't feel that it would work out because maybe he just wasn't THAT into you. However, I would not take the break-up personally. Your relationship probably fell victim to the circumstances (him moving away) more than anything else. Also, it takes two to make a relationship work, so the responsibility for the failure of the relationship cannot, and should not, rest solely on your shoulders...or on his. I was in a similar situation last year at this time, when it dawned on me that my last relationship just wasn't cutting it, and I made the choice to break up with my ex-boyfriend just days after Christmas, at our four-year anniversary. I didn't break up with him during the holidays on purpose; it just happened when I woke up the one morning and realized how unhappy I was in my relationship. Although I was the one who broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I was affected tremendously by the break-up. The holidays are an especially difficult time to be single. I recall experiencing the same empty feeling, the nauseau, the aloneness, but let me assure you that it does pass, it does get easier, and before you know it, you're going to meet someone else that you'll be so crazy about that you won't even think about your last boyfriend.I looked at the entire situation as a learning experience. I tried to be optimistic, and I told myself that I would find someone better for me. I spent time on myself--something that I hadn't done as much when I was in a relationship--and I spent a lot of time with my best friend and with my family, who all proved to be a tremendous source of support in my time of emotional need. My advice to you: Accept that it probably wasn't meant to be. (I know that this isn't easy; I too felt that my ex-boyfriend was "the one," but I later came to see that he wasn't the best person for me. This realization, of course, did not come until after I was in a new relationship with someone who seemed to care about me a lot more, and who treated me SO much better.) Treat yourself to something nice, spend time on you... The more time you devote to pampering yourself and feeling good about yourself, the more others will be attracted to you, and the sooner you will find someone who cares about you enough to stick it out even in the most difficult of times. (You deserve it, too!)Best of luck to you.
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Hi dearie, i am so sorry u feel so down this time of the year. Went through my own fair share of break up about 6weeks ago so i do understand how u feel. i have moved on since then and u can too.
First, they are two of you in the relationship so i dont think its fair blaming EVERYTHING on yourself. I am not sure what caused the fights between the two of u but if both of u were compatible then dont u think there will be that much fighting in the first place. He couldnt have been so perfect himself was he? Think back and analyse the whole relationship.
Second, i think u need a break from this guy to sort yourself out. during this time u should reflect what went wrong in the relationship. This life is a learning process if u indeed know then u work on this problems in case he comes back or even with another guy.
Third, please dont call him again. if he really loves u he will call u when he realise he misses u. i have given people advise like that and some have come back thanking me. if he doesnt contact u ever then believe me he isnt really in love with . move on with ur life. u will find someone who will be more patience and tolerant with u and u with him. A man who will be willing to work out the difficulties of your relationship because he just couldnt bear leaving without you.
Finally, go out and enjoy with friends. what i did was i got a lot of support from my family, friends and it really helped. dont sit down close to the phone waiting or in the house sobbing. life isnt over. go have fun. occupy yourself with a lot of activities to take your mind off
Take care now and happy hoilday.
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