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female
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anonymous
writes: Well where do i start, my best friend (lets call him James) has been in love with me since we met. I have realised over the past two months that i love him and it's not friendship love its deep love, i have been with my bf Alex for three months.I do really like alex and the first month was great but whenever i'm with him all i think about is James, all i think about all the time is James. Everyone has always been against James fancying me because they think he is too attatched to me. I know i love James and i stupidly cheated on Alex on more than one ocasion with him, i haven't told anyone neither has James we know it will cause to much trouble. Cheating and lying is so out of my character but it keeps happening. The worse mistake i made was i told james i love him and now he doesn't understand why im still with Alex and feels like i'm not being fair on him or alex which is true i just really need some advice on what to do? Do i leave Alex which i feel i cannot do i just don't know why!? Do i keep going and end my thing with James even though i don't want to and after what i've said to him it wouldn't be fair!? What do i do!? Please help!
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Dearie, i agree with happytochat. u should follow ur heart. It seems ur heart is with james.
I think james is right u arent been fair to the two guys really.
Breaking up isnt easy at all but if u have no feelings for this guy then u are doing him a favour by letting him go to be with someone who will love him.
All the best dear.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 December 2005):
Do what your heart tells you. It seems like you really do love James, yet your in a relationship with Alex but don't know how to get out of it.
Breaking up isnt easy, it never is, especially when the person has been nothing but really good to you, that makes it even harder because you think your doing a terrible thing to them, and you don't wanna hurt them.
I myself have been through the same situation. I was going out with a guy for 5 months, the whole time I was still in love with my ex bf who wanted to get back together, so i debated about it for weeeeksssss, what to do. I finally realised, after going over and over it in my head, that there is NO EASY way out. Someone has to get hurt, but in the end, we will all recover.
You can't let the idea that you will hurt Alex get in the way, sure he will be upset, devestated, but he will get like that either way. When he finds out you cheated on him if you stick with him, he will be even worse off. Break it off now in the nciest way you can. Sure it will still hurt him but you are doing him good. If you don't love him then you are only stoping him from persuing a relationship with some girl who might really love him. I know that happened with me. The guy who i dindt love, i carried out the relationship for 5 months, and he loved me, but I hanged on to him and stoped him from having the chance to find true love, and I know he missed out on some great offers.
Don't do that to him, that would be hurting him. You need to tell him now if you don't love him.
You aren't protecting him by staying with him.
Accept that he will be upset, but remmeber he will recover, its not the end of the world! The sooner you do it, the better it is for him so he can start the healing process.
And you are also keeping yourself in a relationship thaty ou obviously aren't 100% happy with, as you woudlnt be cheating on your guy if you were. Don't do that to yourself either.
I hope you make the right decision for yourself. good luck and be brave!!! :)
p.s. im sorry if i assumed worng that the reason you were staying with him was due to being afraid of hurting him.
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A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Shame angel you really are in a predicament, and i know how you feel, i've been through the same thing, so i know what i'm talking about.
It's not easy making that decisions, so this is what I did,
Get a piece of paper and divide it into 4 colums, tag them as pro's and con's James and Pro's and Con's Alex. then just list all the Pro's and Con's then add them up and the one with the least Con's and the most Pro's, you think about working it out with them, because that means they have more potential in making you happy.
It works, I am now very happy with the man i'm with and yes it's hard to let go of the other, but think of yourself and what makes you happy because at the end of the day your happiness needs to come first, because it is YOUR LIFE, you need to live it the way youwant to.
I left the guy i had been dating for 2 years, it was hard but we are the best of friends now.
Try it!
Good luck and let me know how it goes!
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